I Nuzzled a Girl

Oh, son, you done gone stepped in it now. Last night newbie “Glee” writer Matthew Hodgson – who let’s face it was already on many gay ladies’ shit list for writing the “I Kissed a Girl” episode where no girls actually kissed – went and tweeted a fan that Brittany and Santana had already kissed. Yes, really. No, I am not kidding. Yes, I wish I was. But no, here is the tweet.

(Yes, I know all about that glowing article about him from yesterday on that other site with the initials AE. No, I have no comment. Yes, the timing is hilarious. But no, I still my comment is no.)

Fellow “Glee” writer Michael Hitchcock also replied to the same tweeter, with an extra special twist of contempt.

Here’s a small hint, dude, don’t tell a die-hard fan she doesn’t watch the show she probably spends more waking hours obsessing about than you do. Have you met this thing called “fandom?” If not, crash course – Fandom remembers everything. EVERYTHING.

Now, first things first, they are clearly both epically, epically wrong about Brittany and Santana sharing any sweet lady kisses (a fact which series creators Brad Falchuk and Ryan Murphy have themselves confirmed). That was The Great Neck Nuzzle of 2010 they’re referring to. Trust me, fellas, us gals have watched that scene over and over and over and over again and as much as we want there to be lip locking, there simply isn’t. An almost kiss is not a kiss.

Both Matthew and Michael have since deleted their respective tweets. Michael tweeted and then deleted an apology to the same fan. And Matthew tweeted and so far has left up a clarification of sorts to a different fan.

Hey, guys, there seems to be some serious confusions amongst the “Glee” ranks about what constitutes kissing. So, please, let me help you with some easy to understand visual cues.

THIS IS KISSING

THIS IS NOT KISSINGANY QUESTIONS?

Still what this whole weird mess really does – besides make me sad that maybe neither one of these fellows is all that familiar with what kissing really is in the first place – is makes me worried about what the hell is happening in the writers’ room. I mean, seriously, what is happening? I know continuity was one of the things everyone said they’d work on this season, and they have (they mentioned Tina’s former stutter and Santana’s Rocky Horror lips and Puck’s pool cleaning business). But to not know the basic romantic on-screen history of two major characters is a pretty Joe Biden-worthy Big Fucking Deal. Or, at least it should be a Big Fucking Deal.

Though perhaps, well, perhaps that’s the problem in the first place. Perhaps these characters – these beautiful, strong, queer female characters – aren’t really that big a deal to these writers. Perhaps they’re just a nice, pretty garnish to the show’s more important main dish. Perhaps getting things right like whether to girls who are in love have actually kissed on screen just doesn’t matter in their world. Perhaps they think we’ve gotten all the storyline from them we deserve already.

Well, if that’s the case, then I heartily welcome the writers to kiss my ass. Though, at this point, I have to wonder if they even know how.

UPDATE: Well, I give up. The show's only lesbian writer (and really only full-time female writer), Ali Adler, also thinks Brittana has already kissed. At this point, I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. Maybe I'll just nuzzle someone I deeply love until I feel better.