The sin of sloth

I have never watched “Veronica Mars.” I know, I know. Stop yelling at me. I mean it. Stop. Hey, hey – the fetid fruit is totally uncalled for. Many, many people have already told me, commanded me, implored me to watch, and I just simply have not found the time. This, however, does not mean I have not taken the time to admire and appreciate Kristen Bell. Quite on the contrary, I find her quite nice. But, yesterday, that quire nice got stepped up to epically adorable. Because this is Kristen Bell unable to contain her joy at the fact that a sloth would be at her birthday party. If another event remotely that ridiculously cute, bordering on flat-out insane happens on “Veronica Mars,” I need to run out and but the box set immediately.

Fight through it

Hey, remember when I interviewed Zoie Palmer and she was lovely and charming and gracious and everything you’d ever hoped for? Me too! But, as I touched on ever so briefly in the interview, she’s also a bunch of other things. Funny, that’s one of them. But we all knew that already. But also badass. Yes, badass. Sure, on “Lost Girl” her skills are mostly confined to looking great in a lab coat and occasionally poking someone with a needle. But when she guested on “Nikita,” she got to show us some of her other skills. I know it’s probably wrong on every level, but watching Zoie and Maggie Q beat the shit out of each other is all kinds of hot. Hello, Monday. Now isn’t that a nice kick in the ass? Well, actually, the head.

p.s Reminder, I’m all “Lost Girl” all the time right now at AfterEllen. Season 2 SnapCaps run Tuesdays and Season 1 Rewind SnapCaps run Wednesdays. Check them out and play along, if you feel so inclined.

Stana Katic 2011 Photos

 

My Weekend Crush

Life affords us far too few moments of grace. Amid the mess and muddle of our everyday existence, we can forget what matters most far too easily. Amid the complication and conflict of our differences, we can forget what makes us all the same. Like many of you I have followed the story of Gabrielle Giffords from that terrible moment a little over a year ago when those first horrifying reports first came in of a shooting at congressional event in Arizona. And, like many of you, my emotions went from anguish and anger to amazement and admiration as the nation struggled to come to terms with what had happened. She has been, quite simply, awesome. To survive getting shot in the head is, in itself, nothing short of a miracle. But how she has conducted herself through this ordeal has been almost otherworldly. The courage she has displayed, the strength she has mustered, the compassion she has offered and the unbreakable spirit she has shown is more than a miracle. It’s pure grace. I had hoped, with all my heart, that this inspirational woman would defy the odds and stay in congress. But I completely understand and admire her reasons for resigning this week. And I think, in fact I know, that we have not seen the last of this extraordinary woman or her radiant smile. Thank you for your service, Gabby. A grateful nation wishes you a full and fast recovery. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. On a purely superficial note, because this is a Weekend Crush after all, hot damn does Gabby look smokin’ with a motorcycle or what?

Castles made of hot

Dear Universe,

I realize sometimes I curse you unnecessarily. I shake my fist at your random nature. I bemoan your tendency toward chaos. I rant at your injustice and cruelty, haphazardness and loneliness. Hell, sometimes I just bitch because you’ve made it rain. But today, today I thank you from the bottom of my wee little heart for creating a confluence of such colossal comeliness that it must, in fact, be a gift. Because what else can you call when Stana Katic and Jennifer Beals are together – in one place, in one moment, in one frame – but a cosmic present of the highest order. Yet there they are, so close a few more inches and their lips would be touching. And together they will be, indeed, on Feb. 13 when they will appear on our televisions on “Castle.” When so much gorgeous happens at once, we must step back and lay grateful offerings at the feet of a mountain or base of a river. Only then will you, dear universe, know how truly awed we are by your beneficence.

I remain your ever-humble servant,
Ms. Snarker


p.s. I believe Nathan Fillion speaks for all gay ladies when he says:

Pro-choice

One of the fastest ways to make a group of gays mad is to talk about what it means to be gay. Queer identity and how we label ourselves makes some people’s heads explode. It really does. And don’t pretend it doesn’t. I know it does because a) I write for the Internet and b) I read all the comments in the AfterEllen article about Cynthia Nixon saying that “for me (being gay) is a choice.” Heads exploding like rockets on the Fourth of July. Boom! Boom! Boom! KABOOM!

Because this is what Cynthia told The New York Times Magazine when the topic of people finding her midlife switch in sexual orientation disingenuous:

“I totally reject that,” she said heatedly. “I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.” Her face was red and her arms were waving. “As you can tell,” she said, “I am very annoyed about this issue. Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with.”

Woo and doggy. I see the powder keg and I see the lit fuse. The smart thing would be to take cover and hope to avoid the worst of the collateral damage. Fire in the hole, save yourselves! But, no, like an idiot I’ve decided to walk toward the fuse and see if I can’t tamp it out before spark meets powder. God, I am so fucking stupid.

Here’s the thing. This is a complicated issue. That no one is denying that. Part of the driving narrative we, as a queer community, have used on our march toward full equality is that we should be equal because, in essence, we can’t help it. We were born this way, baby. And in this country and hopefully this world, people should have the right to life, liberty and happiness regardless of inborn differences like race, gender, sexual orientation, et al. We are born gay and we stay gay and we deserve all the same rights as people who were born straight and stay straight.

And for some of us, many of us, that’s 100 percent true. We’re 100 percent big-time gay from cradle to grave – do not pass go do not collect $200.

Make no mistake there is a definite advantage to presenting a public and united front where homosexuality is not a choice for anyone. Optics and perception matter. No one wants the “Ex-Gay” forces to feel justified or vindicated. Because for many, many, many queer people, we were born this way. Plain and simple. But the thing is, we humans are a lot of things. And we have this crazy thing called free will. And something like who we want to see naked and who we fall in love with, they can fall along that spectrum. Does that make being gay or acting gay wrong? Heavens no! It just makes the experience of it, the realization of it, the acting upon it different for different people.

I tend to look at the LGBT community as a big umbrella of sexual otherness. And I don’t care if you like to stand directly in the center of the umbrella or on the outskirts so your shoulder gets wet – as long as you’re happy and proud to be under the umbrella with the rest of us I’m happy to have you there.

What Cynthia said may rankle some, with reason because we’re nowhere near the finish line when the fight for equality. But something else she said rung even truer. “You don’t get to define my gayness for me.” And isn’t that, in the end, what we’re fighting for in the first place? To be able to love who we want to love free of discrimination or judgment or criticism and hate. But instead, people always try to define other people for them. Look, it’s hard enough to define ourselves as is, so don’t project your definition on me and then scold me for not conforming to it.

If everyone just realized that we weren’t all identical widgets from the widget factory, but individuals who deserve to be treated the same no matter what, the world would be a better fucking place and widgets could just happily do what widgets do. But everyone has to get up in everyone else’s nut.

And that, to me, is really fucking tiring. Fighting amongst ourselves about how to be gay isn’t helping anyone actually be gay. Policing other people’s gayness isn’t helping anyone actually be gay. Demanding people use one label or another label isn’t helping anyone actually be gay.

You know what helps people be gay? Saying I accept you no matter who you sleep with or fall in love with or want to make a home with. And as long as you treat me the same way back for the people I sleep with and fall in love with and want to make a home with, then the world will be a better place. And absolutely no one’s head has to explode. At least not today.

Gonna make it after all

While it may be hard to tell from the somewhat downbeat and grumpy nature of recent posts, things aren’t going too poorly for old Ms. Snarker in 2012. No, really, I mean it. No, stop laughing. Hey, now it’s getting rude. Come on, you could at least try to stop snorting uncontrollably. Kidding, kidding. But on the serious, this year has been – aside for standard-issue work stress and inconvenient technological setbacks – kind of lovely. So, for all of you somewhat appalled by my middle finger to the world from yesterday, please consider this a mea culpa of sorts. As the delicious delicious delicious Joan Jett can attest, one can be surly and happy at the same time. See, a gal can turn the world on with a smile and a snarl. Happy Tuesday, kittens. Love is all around.

p.s. Also, just because Joan Jett is hot as fuck, here’s a little something extra to go with today’s theme. Also, since it is a Tuesday, she is wearing a tank top that appears to be made out of black electrical tape. You’re turned on now, alright. Though possibly for another reason.

Fuck Mondays

Let’s be frank, Mondays fucking suck. They can go fuck themselves. They can go take a flying fuck. They can go fuck off. Seriously, they fucking suck. And they really, really fucking suck in the doldrums of January. Ugh. January. It’s not December, with its promise of the holidays. It’s not the spring, with its flowers and showers. It’s not summer, with its summery summerness. And it’s not fall, with leaves showing off one last time. Nope, it’s January. Which fucking sucks. But you know what? We don’t have to just sit and take sucky Mondays in January. We can fight back. We can fight back the only way we can on a sucky Monday in January. By giving them a big, hearty fuck you. Like our friend M-Rod is doing.

Heidi KlumWell, it is Monday, so why not have a little Naked Lady as well?

Kristen StewartI feel like Kristen is always flipping us the bird, even when she isn’t.

Kaya ScodelarioThe middle finger is Effy Stonem’s permanent state of mind.

PinkShe somehow manages to be badass and adorable, all at once. I think it’s the overalls.

Paget BrewsterI’m only slightly distracted by the fact that the towel means she just got out of the shower.

Lucy LiuAlso slightly distracted, but this time by the freckles and hint of lower back.

Amy PoehlerYou always knew Amy would know how to expertly deploy the double bird.

Lily AllenWhereas this is the cutest double bird ever.

Joan JettAnd this, this is the sexiest double bird ever.

There, now don’t you feel better – for a Monday?

My Weekend Crush

I love “Finding Nemo.” I loved it from the first moment I saw it at a dollar theater after it had long ended its regular run because I was too cool to go see an animated movie no matter how much everyone raved about it. Now, I own the DVD. I downloaded it to my phone. I may even have cuddly stuffed Dory. That last one was a gift, I swear. What I love most about it, besides being smart and funny and as adorable as can be, is that it makes me feel better each time I watch it. We all have that movie, the one we put on as a guaranteed mood lifter. Sure, there’s the Bambi-esque opening with its bad things that happen to good fish eggs. But then there is everything else. And everything else makes me just plum happy. In fact, it’s kind of my happy place. And, in January, I’m always looking for things to make me happy – this January is no different. So after a long, tiring, stressful week, I plan to put on a little “Find Nemo” and talk whale with Dory. And then, then I should be ready to just keep swimming through the rest of the year. Happy weekend, all.

Please Hold

Technical difficulties. We, that being me, appreciate your patience and continued patronage. Also, you're pretty.

UPDATE: An internet outage, work craziness, life complication confluence occurred today meaning no full post will be forthcoming. But, rest assured, come hell or high water or locust invasion, things will be back up and running on Surrenders tomorrow. As a sincere apology and peace offering, please enjoy this video of a cute puppy and pretty lady. It's really the least I could do.

Pillow queen

Well, as long as the theme this week seems to be kick-ass women, why not carry that to its ultimate scenario. Think a pillow fight is just good girlie fun? Think again. Also, I kind of feel like doing this to my Wednesday. So much to so, so little time to kick ass. Enjoy.

p.s. Any week I get to post Gina Carano and Michelle Rodriguez in tank tops is a good, good week.

Tank Top Tuesday: Gone Haywire

Dude, duuuuude. Do you know about Gina Carano? No, but seriously, do you know about her? She is a now-retired mixed martial arts fighter, a former American Gladiator and fledgling actress. Hey, you, I’m talking to you. Stop staring at her guns. Or her abs. Or, you know, her whatever else you may be looking at. This is serious. OK, fine, it’s not serious. But it is seriously hot. Gina will make her starring feature film debut in “Haywire” this weekend. The action film from Steven freaking Soderbergh also features a bunch of dudes (Michael Douglas, Ewan McGregor, Channing Tatum, Michael Fassbender, Antonio Banderas), but the main attraction is Gina who plays a covert operative who gets burned and decides to burn back. In a really big way. I won’t lie, I have no idea if Gina can act. But she sure can kick ass. And she looks great in a tank top. Or a sports bra. Also whatever the hell strappy, holey contraption she is wearing above is. And for me, today, that’s more than enough reason to rejoice. Hey, it is a Tuesday. So sue me.


p.s. Did you know there is also video?

p.p.s. And just in case you want to see her in another kind of action, here is a little clip from “Haywire.” Damn, girl, is an understatement.

Out of dreams

Today is Martin Luther King Day in the United States. And for those of us who still believe that one day we will all live in a nation where children are not judged by color of their skin or the people that they love, but by the content of their character, this video is for you. The dream never dies unless we let it. Dream big today, kittens, dream big.

Jennie Finch 2012 Photos

Name : Jennie Finch
Birth Name : Jennifer Finch
Date of Birth : 3 September 1980
Place of Birth : La Mirada, California, USA
Height : 6' 1''
Nationality : American
Profession : Sportsperson (Softball)
Sometimes Called : Jenny Finch

Jennie Finch was born on September 3, 1980, in La Mirada, California. The daughter of Doug and Bev Finch, she has two brothers, Shane and Landon, who are both married.

Jennie played a variety of sports from a young age, but her focus was on softball. By age 12, she was already playing competitively at the national level. In 1992, her team, the California Cruisers, finished fourth in the American Softball Association 12-and-under National Championship; in 1993, the Cruisers won the ASA Championship. Jennie and her teammates repeated their victory in 1995, in the under-14 category.

My Weekend Crush

So, remember when Leisha Hailey and Camila Grey were kicked off a Southwest flight for kissing? And we were all Rage! Indignation! Protest! That’s kinda hot! Because, let’s face it, the leading ladies of Uh Huh Her are kinda hot. All sorts of hot. And talented. And, yeah, hot. I’ve enjoyed Uh Huh Her’s seductive, melodic music from the start. Their sound is, for lack of a better word, sexy. I think “Explode” ranks among my favorite hook-up songs of all time. I’ve been a fan of Leisha’s music since before Alice Pieszecki was even a glimmer in Ilene Chaiken’s eye, when I found a Murmurs CD in the bargain bin and fell in love at first listen. But while Leisha has been out for ages, Camila only recently had an official coming out via Kissgate. So here we have this fantastic queer duo being fantastic together in public. Uh Huh Her made their national TV debut on Jimmy Kimmel this week. So now what we’ve known for years is being shared with the wider world, finally. And one would think they can only fall under their sexy spell as well. Well done, ladies. To celebrate, how about a kiss? What? It never hurts to ask. Happy weekend, all.

Pushing 30

It’s back, it’s back, it’s baaaaaaaack! Yes, “30 Rock” and My Fake TV Wife Tina Fey are finally back on my television, where they belong. It’s been a long, long, long, long, long eight months without my Tina on my TV. I’ve coped mostly through a series of deep breathing exercises and also alcohol. Of course, tonight is also the return of “Parks and Recreation,” and this time back-to-back with “30 Rock” at 8 and 8:30. It’s like I died and went to smart, hilarious female-fronted comedy heaven.

Now, I know some of you (perhaps many of you) may still be harboring strong feelings about the show, Tina and her co-star Tracy Morgan from this summer. He said horrible, terrible, despicable things. And that should not be taken lightly. But a) he did apologize profusely, b) he is not the whole show, and c) he is kind of a certified idiot. Not kidding about that last one. I’ve met him and his is straight-up not entirely correct in the head. So I truly believe that he doesn’t actually believe the things he said about gay people. He just thought it would be funny to say the things he said about gay people. Still horrible. Still terrible. Still despicable. But I am not going to punish the whole show, which has been embraced and been honored for its LGBT inclusiveness, and I’m not going to punish Tina, who is Tina and you know loves us unconditionally, because of that idiot. But that’s how I feel about it, and not necessarily how you feel about it. Which I understand. Life is messy sometimes.

But, anyway, back to Tina. My adorable, adorable Tina was on Jimmy Fallon this week to promote the new season. And she was, as predicted, adorable. And we get a clip of the premiere, now with bonus dickies.

p.s. Oh, Tina, flashing your bra and your adult diapers at me already. It’s good to have you back.