Tank Top Tuesday: Music Edition

Music makes the people get together. Or at least that’s what Madonna said at the Super Bowl. But I think it also makes the people get sweaty. And when the people get sweaty, might I suggest they wear a tank top? Yeah. You saw that one coming. Today, as you might have guessed from the thrice-as-nice Pink, is all about musicians getting their tank top on. Or as Pink also illustrates, a little bit off.

Alicia KeysWas anyone else all “Whaaaat?” when you learned she was married to the CEO of Megauploads?

Brandi CarlileI had to miss her when she was in my area. I still have not forgiven myself.

Ani DiFrancoThere’s just something about a woman straddling a chair. And that something is hot.

FeistIs she going to give us some new music again? Soon, please.
p.s. Shoot, she did? Damn, never mind me & the rock I live under...

Michelle BranchI understand she’s gone country. If she keeps wearing stuff like this, I say yeehaw.

Tegan & SaraRemember when I met them over the summer? They definitely weren’t wearing this eye shadow then.

Missy HigginsShe went blonde. I know I’m not supposed to be noticing that, but oh well.

Meshell NdegeocelloPut on “Beautiful” for your girl and try to not get laid. Hint: It is impossible.

Emily HainesI could watch her dance around and play the tambourine on stage forever.

See, Madonna was right. Looking at musicians in their tank tops made us people come together. Happy Tuesday, kittens.

Fuck Mondays

Let’s be frank, Mondays fucking suck. They can go fuck themselves. They can go take a flying fuck. They can go fuck off. Seriously, they fucking suck. And they really, really fucking suck in the doldrums of January. Ugh. January. It’s not December, with its promise of the holidays. It’s not the spring, with its flowers and showers. It’s not summer, with its summery summerness. And it’s not fall, with leaves showing off one last time. Nope, it’s January. Which fucking sucks. But you know what? We don’t have to just sit and take sucky Mondays in January. We can fight back. We can fight back the only way we can on a sucky Monday in January. By giving them a big, hearty fuck you. Like our friend M-Rod is doing.

Heidi KlumWell, it is Monday, so why not have a little Naked Lady as well?

Kristen StewartI feel like Kristen is always flipping us the bird, even when she isn’t.

Kaya ScodelarioThe middle finger is Effy Stonem’s permanent state of mind.

PinkShe somehow manages to be badass and adorable, all at once. I think it’s the overalls.

Paget BrewsterI’m only slightly distracted by the fact that the towel means she just got out of the shower.

Lucy LiuAlso slightly distracted, but this time by the freckles and hint of lower back.

Amy PoehlerYou always knew Amy would know how to expertly deploy the double bird.

Lily AllenWhereas this is the cutest double bird ever.

Joan JettAnd this, this is the sexiest double bird ever.

There, now don’t you feel better – for a Monday?

Gender Fuck Thursday

There is no one way to properly gender fuck. In fact, it’s the variation that makes it so terribly delicious. Who says you need to wear a tie? Or a jacket? Or even pants? Wait, I think I’m getting off track here. What it’s really all about is owning your look and looking damn good no matter what you’re wearing. Sure, we can’t all look as flawless as Katharine Hepburn in a full suit and hat. But these ladies sure do their part fucking with gender in their own special way.

Billie Piper in suspenders
Winona Ryder in a smoking jacket
Evan Rachel Wood in a uniform
Zhang Ziyi in an Annie Hall
Pink in a vest
Melanie Laurent in no jacket
Piper Perabo in no tie
Drew Barrymore in no shirt
Sofia Coppola in an untied tie
Julie Andrews in a neatly tied tie
Gemma Arterton in a tuxedo
Keeley Hawes & Rachael Stirling in full tux, tails & top hat

Ah, yes, variety is truly the spice of gender fuck.

My Weekend Crush

I’m not a huge fan of the color pink. It has always been too conventionally girlie for me, something I associate with ruffles and not the good potato chip kind. But Pink the singer, hell yeah. In fact, I remember distinctly when she first came on the scene 10 years ago with her short shock of hot pink hair and unquestionable sexy swagger. It was an immediate, undeniable, “Whoa.” She was a girl, but not girlie. She is just shy of full-on butch, but still plenty of tough. Fun, spunky, badass. I liked her a lot, right from the start.

Over the years she has kept giving us all more and more reasons to like her. Unafraid to speak her mind and unashamed of being strong, she packs her music with great melodies and greater messages. “Dear Mr. President” is one of the most searing indictments of the Bush era out there. Sure, we all wish she played for our team, but she has never been shy about supporting our team. An outspoken advocate for GLBT rights, she was recently received the Human Rights Campaign National Dinner with the Ally for Equality Award. All that and the gal can really sing. OK, fine – those abs don’t hurt either. Heck, thank to Pink, I even for a split second considered joining a convent on the off chance that she’d be there to, um, convert me. Happy weekend, all.

Tank Top Tuesday

I know, I know. These are paparazzi pictures. And I know, I know. Paparazzi are bad. But I'm not posting these shots of stars out and about as an encouragement to stalker shutterbugs. Instead I consider these images important documentation of wild tank tops in their natural habitat. As such they also serve as a valuable public service announcement. Ladies: Wear more tank tops. Heading to the gym? Tank top. Heading out shopping? Tank top. Headed to the airport? Tank top. Doctor's office? Dog park? Jail? Tank top, tank top, tank top (hey, tank tops pair nicely with orange jumpsuits). Consider it doing your doing you part to help beautify the world. Trust me, the world will thank you. At the very least, I'll thank you. So ends this public service announcement.

PinkTank tops and biker hear, a match made in hog heaven.

Halle BerryA tank top with an easy-access zipper? Genius!

Michelle RodriguezTanks look great out of the closet – just a suggestion.

Cynthia NixonSee, I told you they looked great out of the closet.

Natalie PortmanTanking and texting: Like walking and chewing gum, but so much hotter.

Kate BeckinsaleScientific proof that tank tops make you frisky, or is that friskable. Same difference.

Shakira and Penelope CruzBFFs + TTs = Best Math Ever

Uma ThurmanTank dresses totally count.

Anne HathawayFine, tube tops don't count, but because of her adorkable headphones I've made an exception.

Tricia Helfer and Katee SackhoffRemember what I was saying about biker gear and tank tops? Double it.

Jessica BielNow that, that is how you fill out a tank top...Period. Full stop. End of discussion.

Reach out and touch...yourself

They say it's impossible to truly love someone else unless you first love yourself. Good thing loving thyself is all the rage lately. Pink's new video “Sober” is a a true masturbatory opus, emphasis on masturbatory. Of course, getting down with your bad self is a lot easier when you have an extra self. OK, so it's a little confusing, but also a lotta hot.

Now, I've always liked Pink, despite her unfortunate decision to name herself after a color (side note: the only two acceptable color names in my book are Violet and Magenta – holla, Rocky Horror!). She is the best kind of rambunctious. She can mix messages into her effervescent pop confections better than most. Sure, I've heard those rumors too. So it's nice to see her tweak them instead of run from them. Plus, it wasn't all just digital trickery. That hand is really on an ass, and it' ain't her own.

So, whose ass is it? Please say hello to 26-year-old Swedish model and Pink doppelganger Petrah. [Hat tip, The Gentleman!]

It's fun trying to tell who is Pink and who is Petrah in the video.

All this good self-loving has me feeling frisky. So, naturally, I sought others of like mind. Some of my favorite, um, Jills who like to, um, off themselves.

“Icicle,” Tori Amos

Who wants a little sex with her religion?

“Oops,” Tweet feat. Missy Elliott

Also, you must hear the Ladytron version?

“All Is Full of Love,” Bjork

Bjork-shaped robots making out? Hell, yeah.

“She Bop,” Cyndi Lauper

The one, the only, the original.

Anyone else need some alone time? Yeah...be right back.