Tank Top Tuesday

Sometimes, when putting together Tank Top Tuesday posts, I struggle to find a theme. Sporty shots. Black and white shots. Candid shots. Fancy shots. Shoddy shots. But then sometimes I look at my pictures and realize, honey, you’re really over thinking it. Hotties + Tank Tops = No Additional Explanation Required. In other words, as you can see from Salma Hayek above, I picked these pictures today because they’re hot. You’re welcome. Now go have a nice Tuesday.

Tricia HelferShe is going to guest star on “Lie to Me.” Jesus, Tim Roth. First Jennifer Beals now Tricia? Lucky bastard.

Diane LaneI thought about seeing “Secretariat,” but (spoiler alert) I already know the horse wins. So, um, where’s the suspense in that?

Liv TylerI know a lot of people look at her and see an elf queen, but I’ll always see that gal who cavorted with Alicia Silverstone.

Kate HudsonProof that every gal looks great with suspenders and a belt chain. Even gals who only really ever made one good movie. (“Almost Famous,” duh.)

Amber HeardSpeaking of good movies, boy, “Drive Angry” does not look like one. But, um, Amber is still pretty – and in 3D.

Emily HainesI want Emily to dance around in sparkly shirts and fierce boots while filling my heart with joy forever and ever. And if that sparkly top happens to be a tank top, all the better.

Debbie HarryDebbie doesn’t need to dance around to fill my heart with joy forever and ever. Those cheekbones are more than enough.

Angie HarmonSo much is happening here. A plane. A headset. All that cleavage. I have no idea where this is from. I am completely OK with that. (p.s. You’re reading the Rizzoli & Isles Retro Subtext Recaps, right? Right.)

See, best not to over think things.

Tank Top Tuesday

So the dog days are definitely here. July threw down a sweltering gauntlet and I’ve never known August as a month to back down from a challenge. I expect sun. I expect warmth. Basically, I expect to sweat. So, then, what’s a gal – like poor, sweaty, sticky, glistening Gillian Anderson – supposed to do to beat the heat? Well, for one, a tank top helps. But I’m sure I can do better in the helpful advice department. What can I say? I’m a giver.

Emily DeschanelSpending a day at the beach is always a cool option.

Ashley GreenePulling at one’s clothing will help unstick them from your body.

Helen MirrenSitting near an open window will help you catch a breeze.

Katee Sackhoff & Tricia HelferRiding a motorcycle will really help you catch a breeze.

Michelle Rodriguez & companionSharing a cold beverage with a friend will cool down your core.

BeyoncéWearing short-shorts will cool your lower body.

Sigourney WeaverWearing just your skivvies will cool your whole body.

Carla Gugino

Jumping into the pool will bring down your temperature instantly.

Ashleigh Sumner, Cathy DeBuono & Jill BennettWhen all else fails, just make things hotter.
[Via “And Then Came Lola.”]

So, there you have it. Some simple, fool-proof ways to keep cool this August. Or was that hot? Either way, always wear a tank top.

Vacation Vixen: Grace Park & Tricia Helfer

This picture presents one of life’s great chicken or egg conundrums: Who has the better view, Grace or Tricia?

Love is a battlefield

For those who protest all my Tina love, while I’ll never understand your objections I always strive to by sympathetic to variance in taste. So if smart, hilarious, talented and charming isn’t your thing, I give you an alternate option. In fact, I give you two. Do you think either Tricia Helfer or Grace Park were virgins until they were 24?

Weekend at Crazy’s

WTF, weekend? Seriously. Tina Fey wins an Emmy. Dr. Horrible wins an Emmy. Serena Williams threatens bodily harm with a tennis ball. Madonna stays classy. Kanye West does not. Lady Gaga is movable performance art. And Beyoncé is, quite possibly, magic. Whew. That is a lot of shit to process in just two days. That’s like a month’s worth of awesome/crazy/WTF. It’s like Saturday and Sunday exploded and we haven’t even talked about Kristen Stewart’s new dangerously Kate Gosselin-esque hairstyle. Madness, I tell you. MADNESS. So, naturally, I turn to ridiculously hot women to help me make sense of the world again. Nothing soothes quite like ridiculously hot women being ridiculously hot. Some of them might even qualify for Naked Lady Monday. Mmm, naked ladies… See, all better. [Click any to enlarge The Hot.]

Padma LakshmiFeel stupid for not watching “Top Chef” now, don’t ya?

Anna FrielGod, I miss Pushing Daisies.

Jennifer ConnellyRemember that movie “Seven Minutes in Heaven?” Set a timer.

Olivia WildeIs there such a thing as pantyline-high boots? There is now.

Katee Sackhoff, Tricia Helfer, Grace ParkSci-fi is just for geeks, eh?

Lucy LiuI believe the correct words here are hummina-hummina.

Sarah ShahiQuite fittingly, the end.

Tank Top Tuesday

I realize now I probably committed an unacceptable, unconscionable, unforgiveable crime against tank tops yesterday with my initial photo choice. Is there an apology big enough to atone for that sin? Can my sense of sexy be redeemed? Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking? I cannot answer these questions. I can, however, grovel at the feet of Teh Hot and ask humbly for its forgiveness. I think Halle Berry is a good start. As for the rest of my mea culpa, it goes a little something like this.

Angelina JoliePadma LakshmiPortia de RossiSandra BullockJenny ShimizuTricia Helfer, Lucy Lawless, Grace ParkLaura SánchezI haven’t seen “Los hombres de Paco” yet. Clearly, I am an idiot.

So, is all forgiven? Well, can I at least stop sleeping on the couch?

Up Chuck

Every so often (i.e. all the time), I get the sneaking suspicion that I am an idiot. Last night was one of those times. Forgive me, television, for I have sinned. I haven't been watching “Chuck.” I know, I know. What is wrong with me? Trust me, I've been warned. StuntDouble and The Linster keep screaming three not-so-little words at me: Agent! Sarah! Walker!

But I was dumb and stubborn and dumb some more. I guess a cranky part of me was tired of the dorky-guy-gets-hot-girl trend of late (for reference, please see any movie starring Seth Rogen or Jack Black). I have nothing against dorks, I just wish that the girl dork would sometimes get the girl (or guy, not that there's anything wrong with that) every once in a while. So this obstinate streak kept me from watching. And then, well, then this finally convinced me to give it a shot.

Look, I know it's wrong of me to let anyone other than Yvonne StraHOTski turn me into a true believer. But, you know, I'm kind of a sucker for a woman in a uniform.

[HQ button, seriously, click the HQ button]

But it wasn't the presence of Tricia Helfer that actually convinced me, it just got me in the door. What converted me was the show itself. It's fun; like spy thriller with a sense of humor and a really, really hot heroine who gets to kick ass and take names fun. The writing is enjoyable. The characters are endearing. The concept is engaging. Have I mentioned that Yvonne Strahovski is hot?

I guess, the one upside to my total idiocy on this whole “Chuck” thing is that now I get to catch up on almost two seasons worth of uninterrupted Agent Sarah Walker goodness. Admit it, if you've been watching all along you're almost jealous that I get to watch hour after hour of this.

Repentance like this makes me want to sin more.

Tank Top Tuesday

I know, I know. These are paparazzi pictures. And I know, I know. Paparazzi are bad. But I'm not posting these shots of stars out and about as an encouragement to stalker shutterbugs. Instead I consider these images important documentation of wild tank tops in their natural habitat. As such they also serve as a valuable public service announcement. Ladies: Wear more tank tops. Heading to the gym? Tank top. Heading out shopping? Tank top. Headed to the airport? Tank top. Doctor's office? Dog park? Jail? Tank top, tank top, tank top (hey, tank tops pair nicely with orange jumpsuits). Consider it doing your doing you part to help beautify the world. Trust me, the world will thank you. At the very least, I'll thank you. So ends this public service announcement.

PinkTank tops and biker hear, a match made in hog heaven.

Halle BerryA tank top with an easy-access zipper? Genius!

Michelle RodriguezTanks look great out of the closet – just a suggestion.

Cynthia NixonSee, I told you they looked great out of the closet.

Natalie PortmanTanking and texting: Like walking and chewing gum, but so much hotter.

Kate BeckinsaleScientific proof that tank tops make you frisky, or is that friskable. Same difference.

Shakira and Penelope CruzBFFs + TTs = Best Math Ever

Uma ThurmanTank dresses totally count.

Anne HathawayFine, tube tops don't count, but because of her adorkable headphones I've made an exception.

Tricia Helfer and Katee SackhoffRemember what I was saying about biker gear and tank tops? Double it.

Jessica BielNow that, that is how you fill out a tank top...Period. Full stop. End of discussion.