Naked Lady Monday: TLW Edition

So while I took Leap Day to bemoan the lack of Jennifer Beals on our TVs, I know plenty of “The L Word” alums are gainfully employed and gracing our screens (large and small) with their post-Chaiken magnificence. So, because it’s Monday and because some of you seemed somewhat perplexed by the clothing-optional selections I posted of their former coworker, I thought I’d double down. How about a little Naked Lady Monday with the hard-working former ladies of TLW? These lovely former ladies of the L all have interesting projects and programs they’re working on. And that they look god not entirely clothed? Well, that’s a sure bet. (As always, sort of NSFW. But, come on, you know you want to peek.)

Sarah ShahiThe artist formerly known as Carmen returns for the second season of “Fairly Legal” March 16 on USA. She’ll be back as legal mediator Kate Reed who usually wears considerably more clothes than this while solving complex legal disputes.

Janina GavankarThe artist formerly known as Papi will return as a series regular on True Blood this summer on HBO. She plays shifter Luna, who kind of has forever redefined my image of a beautiful wild pony running free across the planes.

Kate MoennigThe artist formerly known as Shane has signed onto the Showtime pilot “Ray Donovan,” where she will play gay once again as the “dark, intense” right hand gal to the title character L.A. P.I. to the rich and famous. Via the pilot script, we first see her waking up next to lovely lady in bed. Guess we all know who she’s looking very like that day.

Mia KirshnerThe artist formerly known as Jenny had a recurring role on “The Vampire Diaries” last season. She can next be seen on the big screen alongside True Blood vamp Stephen Moyer in the horror film “The Barrens,” about a family being stalked by the Jersey Devil. Hmmm, maybe it killed Jenny.

Lauren Lee SmithThe artist formerly known as the Soup Chef joined the second season of the Canadian psychic drama The Listener, and will return for its third season debuting later this year. I’m not going to lie, I miss the red hair.

Leisha HaileyThe artist formerly known as Alice is still as adorable as ever. But instead of acting she’s making merry music with her band Uh Huh Her. And they even have a new video out, with “So You Think You Can Dance” runner-up and out dancer Sasha Mallory.



Definitely NSFW:

Pam GrierThe artist formerly known as Kit starred alongside Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in “Larry Crowne” last year. The inimitable Ms. Grier can next be seen in the action film “The Man with the Iron Fists” with Russell Crowe and Lucy Liu. To quote every line of Kit’s dialogue ever, “You go, baby girl!”

NOTE: No, clearly, this is not a comprehensive update of all the past TLW regulars. Those without current performing projects on the large or small screen were left off on purpose.

Naked Lady Monday

Oh, shit. It’s Monday again. But wait, naked ladies. There, all better. Sometimes, kittens, it’s just that simple. I mean, if our beautiful friend Freida Pinto above doesn’t improve your day exponentially, then I’m not sure anything will. But why am I still talking? Happy NSFWish Monday.

Emmanuelle BeartDid you know Emmanuelle is 47? French women apparently don’t age, either.

Eva GreenThough French women do, in the immortal words of Sir Mix-A-Lot, got back.

Anna FrielSeriously, I still miss “Pushing Daisies” so much.

Jenna FischerYou always have to look out for the nice ones.

Cobie Smulders

I don’t watch her show. Why don’t I watch her show?

Keira KnightleyWell, now I can see why the thought of never having Keira would drive that poor bloke with the flashcards to go fight zombies instead.

Sarah Shahi

I have never enjoyed a Monday more. Ever.

Vacation Vixen: Sarah Shahi

Right, so I’m vacation for the next three weeks. Yes, three weeks. While I’m away I’ll probably still keep posting on Twitter and Tumblr when I can, or as much as my international internet access allows. So please, feel free to follow my holiday adventures and come back here every day for a fresh, hot new Vacation Vixen while I’m away. Oh, who am I kidding, I’m going to have to tell you all of this again tomorrow. You caught sight of the reflection of a certain part of Sarah’s in the mirror and you haven’t heard a word I’ve said since – haven’t you? Also, I think you’re drooling.

Tank Top Tuesday: TV Time

Between the return of winter TV and the start of pilot season, so much has happened that I think we’re going to need to review the revised landscape with clear-eyed, in-depth, critical analysis. In other words, we’re going to review it with tank top.

Sarah Michelle GellarSMG is coming back to TV. If that doesn’t get you excited check your pulse. If you don’t have a pulse, look out for SMG because she may be coming to stake you. Old habits die hard.

Minka KellyShe’s one of the new Angels on the “Charlie’s Angels” reboot. If the show is a hit, will boyfriend Derek Jeter start playing for Anaheim as a show of solidarity?

Adrianne PalickiPeople agree on two things when it comes to David E. Kelley’s new “Wonder Woman” series. 1) They love Adrianne’s casting as Wonder Woman. 2) They hate the pilot script with a fiery passion.

Zooey DeschanelShe is going to star in a pilot for a project that had the working title “Chicks and Dicks.” It’s hard to think of a title with less appeal to gay ladies, unless you called it “Dicks and Dicks,” but then it’d be a reality show on Logo and I’d totally watch that with several cocktails and my best gays.

Laura PreponI really liked her better as a redhead. But then I guess you have to embrace the peroxide to play Chelsea Handler, and the vodka.

Anna TorvFringe is now on Friday, but mostly I just wanted to post her holding this gun. Mmmm.

Jennifer Beals“The Chicago Code” broke out the white tank top for the very first episode. It’s blatant pandering to the lesbians, and we like it.

Sarah Shahi“Fairly Legal” isn’t a great TV show or anything. But it’s fun and Sarah has showed up in her underwear. So, you know, sold.

Caroline DhavernasI stopped watching “Off the Map” for the same reasons I don’t watch “Grey’s Anatomy.” Doctors with personal problems (with or without borders) just aren’t my thing. But I still love you, Jaye Tyler.

Sofia VergaraNothing new is happening with “Modern Family,” but when you have a chance to post a picture like this, you take it.

So, what new TV pilot or show has your temperature rising. And, remember, please phrase your answer in the form of a tank top.

Fairly illegal

We interrupt this week’s very deep, very important discussion about women’s roles in the media, equal rights, childhood and mortality to stare open-mouthed at Sarah Shahi. I don’t. I can’t. What were we talking about again? Right, important things. Inclusion. Power. Representation. Oh my God, is she not wearing anything under her tank top?

OK, no, sorry. Bechdel Rule. ERA. Feminism. Women telling their own stories. Women reaching the highest public offices. Women breaking glass ceiling. Women rolling around on plush couches. Hold on, where did that come from?

Focus, focus. Did you know the Republican-led House is trying to redefine rape? (UPDATE: They dropped the “forcible rape” crap, but the bill still sucks.) Yes, a body of government with 435 men and 79 women is going to tell all 155.6 million women in the United States what kind of sexual assault counts. That’s unconscionable. That’s infuriating. That’s definitely something I’m going to write a strongly worded letter about. Right after I brush my teeth ….

Or sit in a chair….

Or stare out a window….

Look, Sarah Shahi. You’re being very distracting being all hot like fire in this new Vanity Fair Esquire Me In My Place photospread. (Damn, this photoshoot is so hot I’m too discombobulated to even get the magazine right.) [Oh, and click any image to enlarge, not that you’d be interested in that kind of thing.]I’m trying to maintain righteous indignation and that’s impossible to do when I’m ogling your, um, area…region…fine, DAT ASS.

All that and you’re kind of perfect. You sleep in just a T-shirt – and flannel sheets. You appreciate a pinch on the ass. You are a little dangerous on tequila. You love that your “Fairly Legal” billboards are catching guys and girls attention. And your goal in life isn’t to win an Oscar, but to have a house with a big library. And not just any library, “a giant Harry Potter library. That's what I want. If I can have a house that can have that kind of a library in it, then I feel like I've made it. I just want nothing but plush couches and a huge shaggy carpet and a fireplace with a bar in that room, and then books — floor-to-ceiling. That's what I want.”

Holy. Fuck. Hell. I’m sorry, tomorrow I’ll return to fight the good fight. Today I’m going to gaze hungrily at my computer screen while fantasizing about serving Sarah Shahi tequila as she’s laying on a plush couch in only her T-shirt and reading from our gigantic Harry Potteresque library together. Yeah, reading. That’s what we’ll be doing.

Twice as nice

Hey, did you know two “The L Word” alums had new shows coming out in the next few weeks? Of course you did. Did you know one show is about cops and the other about lawyers (or former lawyers)? Of course you did. Did you know the actresses in question are Jennifer Beals and Sarah Shahi, two of the most scrumdiddlyumptious of the former TLW castmates? Of course you did. Well, fine, know it alls. Tell me which show will be better then?

I’m in the process of getting screeners for both shows (so with any luck I’ll have reviews for you when they premiere). But for now, based on their promos, which show are you most excited about? Jennifer Beals in hot cop mode for “The Chicago Code” or Sarah Shahi in hot mediator mode for “Fairly Legal.” I suspect your answer will hinge on whether you’re in a suit or pencil skirt mood. Or whether you prefer a gal in her skivvies or an elbow to the face. But either way, it’s lovely to see these actresses return to on our screens soon. Welcome back, ladies. Never leave us like that again.

Fairly Legal, Jan. 20 on USA


The Chicago Code, Feb. 7 on Fox

Right, so now I know all of you are going to cheat and say, “Both.”

Girls do make passes at girls who wear glasses

So, I still can’t stop thinking about those smart girls. If there is one accessory that almost automatically adds points to a woman’s IQ, it’s a nice pair of glasses. Give a gal with glasses a book (particularly a book about kissing, like Mia Kirshner above) and be still my big nerdy heart. Now, as some of you might remember, I’m a glasses wearer. I wear contacts most of the time, but I’ve always got my specs on in the evening to write and watch TV and hang about the house. As a kid, I wore glasses full-time – big clunky things that for some incomprehensible reason covered more of my cheeks than my actual eyes. Seriously, were we trying to look through some heretofore unknown fourth eye with those enormous hubcap lenses in the 80s? Back then they used to say “Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.” But that was before the whole sexy librarian thing really took off. And now, well, I still can’t speak for the guys, but this gal sure likes making passes at girls who wear glasses. In particular, these gals. No need to take your glasses off and shake out your hair, ladies. I mean, feel free to shake out your hair, but definitely keep the glasses on while you do it. Here’s looking at you, four eyes.

Mary-Louise ParkerBig brown eyes behind big brown frames make my knees weak, instantly.

Cate BlanchettBlue eyes behind blue frames ain’t half bad either.

Shirley MansonOf course, gingers can wear whatever color frames they want.

Angelina JolieAnd then sometimes you don’t need any color at all, just the world’s most expertly arched eyebrow.

Anna TorvEverything in this picture works for me. Glasses. V-neck. Ponytail. Laptop. Books. Heck, I even like the lamp.

Padma LakshmiEverything in this picture works for me, too. Plus, I know Padma could cook me an amazing dinner afterwards. And then we’d talk shit about Tom Colicchio.

Sarah ShahiNow that’s what I call a nice pair – of glasses.

Helena Bonham CarterThis whole ensemble is crazy. But crazy good, not crazy Bellatrix Lestrange.

Rachel MaddowOh, to have her look over her Clark Kent glasses and talk dirty, dirty politics to me.

Tina FeyOh, please, like I wasn’t going to include her.

Marlee Matlin & Jennifer BealsThis is them, the insane hubcap-sized glasses we used to wear in the 80s. Of course, they look fine on Marlee and Jennifer. Whatever, I’m not jealous. Though, we probably shouldn’t talk about the hair.

Oh, and one other sexy thing about glasses? When things get steamy, so do they.

Kiss me Kate

Oh hai, Sarah Shahi, we’ve missed you. So yesterday everyone’s favorite former fake DJ/jilted bride got verified on Twitter. Apparently she’s been tweeting up a storm from the Vancouver set of her new USA show “Facing Kate.” And she has also been trying to get for former fake happy naked times friend to tweet her back. It’s kind of adorable.

Now, clearly, in her last post I replaced the word “tweet” with another verb in my head. An action verb. A naughty action verb. What? You know you did, too. Need a visual? Scroll down.

[NSFW, also NSFAllFutureProductivity because you will stare at this for the rest of the day and accomplish nothing else. Possibly ever. Fair warning.]

Right. So there’s that. Of course there will more than likely be considerably less impromptu kitchen table striptease moments on her new show. She plays an attorney who leaves the high profile world of law behind to become a mediator. No official pictures have been released yet (but the TCAs are this week, so fingers crossed). Sarah has tweeted photos from the set and her trailer.

That last one is part of a protest to get offshore drilling dropped by the Oceana organization. I just want to hug her, and possibly a dolphin. Sarah is an amazing mix of hot and adorable. Hotable? Adorot? Even more hotable (yeah, I went with that one) is that she misses us back. See.

At this point you’re probably scanning your TV and trying to set your DVR for her return. Well, we still have to wait until November. Until then why don’t we entertain ourselves with thoughts of possibly the greatest yet-to-be-developed Sarah Shahi show of all time: “Facing Kate Moennig.”