Naked Lady Monday

Oh, shit. It’s Monday again. But wait, naked ladies. There, all better. Sometimes, kittens, it’s just that simple. I mean, if our beautiful friend Freida Pinto above doesn’t improve your day exponentially, then I’m not sure anything will. But why am I still talking? Happy NSFWish Monday.

Emmanuelle BeartDid you know Emmanuelle is 47? French women apparently don’t age, either.

Eva GreenThough French women do, in the immortal words of Sir Mix-A-Lot, got back.

Anna FrielSeriously, I still miss “Pushing Daisies” so much.

Jenna FischerYou always have to look out for the nice ones.

Cobie Smulders

I don’t watch her show. Why don’t I watch her show?

Keira KnightleyWell, now I can see why the thought of never having Keira would drive that poor bloke with the flashcards to go fight zombies instead.

Sarah Shahi

I have never enjoyed a Monday more. Ever.

Naked Lady Monday: Bees Knees

The knee gets so little credit in the human anatomy. They’re knobby or knocked, and occasionally we’ve been known to go weak at them. But what they really are, when placed correctly with its constant companion the thigh, is a mighty protector of a lady’s virtue. Or, looking at it from another angle, an obstacle to overcome when seeking to passionately plunder said virtue. Still, whether clutched or crossed, the humble knee should be appreciated for its ability to spark our interest and stoke the imagination. And, of course, a swift knee to almost any other part of the anatomy has the ability to render another person immediately immobile. So, bottom line, knees – respect.

Cate BlanchettJust in case her knees weren’t modest enough, she’s got a full-body hose backup.

Angelina JolieBed head is almost always an instant knee weakener.

Kate HudsonWhen the humble knee is not enough, a book will help in a pinch. But, just make sure it’s a hardcover. A trade paperback won’t cover squat.

Marion CotillardIt probably would have just been easier to button her coat. Easier, but not more enjoyable.

Anna FrielGod, I miss “Pushing Daisies.”

Serena WilliamsI’ve seen how she fills out her tennis uniforms; there’s no way one knee would have sufficed.

Naomi WattsWorks backwards, too.

Lea MicheleWhen the “Glee” kids are doing it, you know it’s a trend.

Olivia WildeOver the weekend I caught a “House” rerun and then rewatched “When Night is Falling.” Let me tell you, that made for some very, very acrobatic dreams involving the lovely Ms. Wilde. Hello, wobbly knees.

Keeping abreast

Hey, hey. My words. They’re up here. OK, so, yesterday my thought process went like this: “Write many things and then spruce them up with some pretty pictures.” But today, I know better. Today I’m going to stop fighting it and reverse the equation. Why? Because it’s 10 days until Christmas (or if you don’t celebrate Christmas, a nice long weekend). I think we all deserve to turn off our brains a bit. And, as evolution would have it, my theme for today’s post has a habit of turning off brains anyway. I’ll freely admit, I’m not really a breast gal. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’ve nice – no, really nice. But I can usually still make steady eye contact with a lady in spite her really nice rack. Not that I don’t enjoy a peek now and then. There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world, it would be a pity to not stare at these. [Though your work might think otherwise, so tastefully – that means no nip – NSFW.]

Scarlett JohanssonSo she is single now. So, you know – hey, girl.

Christina HendricksLike I could leave her off this list. Pshaw.

Anna FrielSize doesn’t matter.

Julianne MooreI can’t say this enough: This woman is FIFTY.

BeyoncéIt’s kind of not fair being both bootylicious and boobylicious.

Anne HathawayAnne is totally laughing at my boobylicious joke.

Dita von TeeseMatching one’s cleavage to one’s jacket is truly a lost art form.

RihannaIf she really was the only girl in the world, that would be a shame because we wouldn’t be able to look at her.

Blake LivelyIs it just me, or does that look uncomfortable?

Salma HayekWhen she arrives to vacation on small South Pacific islands the villagers always notice an abrupt change in the tidal patterns which subsist immediately after she leaves once again. They have yet to determine what is causing the additional orbital pull. Ahem.

Lynda Carter/Wonder WomanThe Wonder Boobs were responsible for untold numbers of nascent lesbian experiences.

Tank Top Tuesday

I like my women doing everyday things in tank tops. Because the unique charms of the tank are applicable in almost any situation. Like with our friend Alexandra Hedison grabbing a bite to eat. Glad she decided against buttering that toast though, because we all know her penchant for getting carried away with knives. My point, and do have something close to one, is that the tank top is a versatile accessory which is appropriate for any activity.

Zhang ZiyiWhen considering how best to recycle the morning paper.

Alison LohmanWhen quenching one’s thirst after a day of garden work.

Zoe SaldanaWhen moisturizing before bedtime.

Charlize TheronWhen contemplating the theory of relativity.

Jennifer Tilly & Gina GershonWhen plotting how to rip off the mob and have great lesbian sex.

Jessica BielWhen hunting vampires, duh.

Anna FrielWhen stewing over the injustice of canceling “Pushing Daisies.”

Kate BeckinsaleWhen thoughtfully testing the room temperature before guests arrive. Verdict: It’s a little nippy.

Weekend at Crazy’s

WTF, weekend? Seriously. Tina Fey wins an Emmy. Dr. Horrible wins an Emmy. Serena Williams threatens bodily harm with a tennis ball. Madonna stays classy. Kanye West does not. Lady Gaga is movable performance art. And Beyoncé is, quite possibly, magic. Whew. That is a lot of shit to process in just two days. That’s like a month’s worth of awesome/crazy/WTF. It’s like Saturday and Sunday exploded and we haven’t even talked about Kristen Stewart’s new dangerously Kate Gosselin-esque hairstyle. Madness, I tell you. MADNESS. So, naturally, I turn to ridiculously hot women to help me make sense of the world again. Nothing soothes quite like ridiculously hot women being ridiculously hot. Some of them might even qualify for Naked Lady Monday. Mmm, naked ladies… See, all better. [Click any to enlarge The Hot.]

Padma LakshmiFeel stupid for not watching “Top Chef” now, don’t ya?

Anna FrielGod, I miss Pushing Daisies.

Jennifer ConnellyRemember that movie “Seven Minutes in Heaven?” Set a timer.

Olivia WildeIs there such a thing as pantyline-high boots? There is now.

Katee Sackhoff, Tricia Helfer, Grace ParkSci-fi is just for geeks, eh?

Lucy LiuI believe the correct words here are hummina-hummina.

Sarah ShahiQuite fittingly, the end.

My Weekend Crush

I realize, looking back at my posts this week, I’ve been in a rather black and white mood. Perhaps it’s the stress of moving or the nostalgia of finding remnants from one’s past. Either way, it’s made me a little monochromatic. But this weekend, I will bathe in the delicious Technicolor waterfall that is “Pushing Daisies.” The series kicks off its final three episodes Saturday night, so it will be a bittersweet exercise. But I plan to put on a brave face and indulge one last time in the cotton-candy ephemera that is this show. As I’ve said before, the denizens of The Pie Hole simply make me happy, like eating ice cream and petting puppies and spotting rainbows on a sunny day happy. This Seussian fantasy for grown-ups will live on to its fans as a glorious moment when whimsy met intrigue and got wrapped up in a quirky blanket of adorability. That this show got cancelled too soon is a given. That it got made in the first place is possibly the biggest fairy tale ever. Watch at 10 p.m. the next three Saturdays on ABC. Oh, Olive Snook, I think I’ll miss you most of all. Happy weekend, all.

Tank Top Tuesday

Pouring a little out for our canceled home girls today. As thrilled as I am with the networks’ decisions to renew some of my most beloved shows, I sing a mournful little song for the ones who didn’t make it. “Pushing Daisies,” “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles,” “Life,” “Samantha Who?” All these shows featured great female leads and their absence makes the TV landscape a little (well, a lot) less interesting. By comparison, Brad Garrett’s seriously unfunny supposed comedy “’Til Death” just got renewed for a fourth (yes, FOURTH) season. Oh, and it’s going to be the Friday-night lead-in for “Dollhouse.” Screw pouring out the liquor; I think I need to drink it instead. A lot of it. Oh well, maybe our dearly departing ladies in tank tops will soothe my pain.

[Click any and all to enlarge]

Summer GlauSarah ShahiKristin ChenowethAnna FrielChristina ApplegateLena Headey

p.s. TV gods, give these women new shows, pronto.