Gender Fuck Thursday

Yes, yes. I know. This is a lot of Charlize for one week. But I just cannot resist a crisp white shirt and a pair of suspenders. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. The moon and stars. The Captain and Tennille. OK, you see where I’m going with this. And while they’re perfectly nice by themselves (well, I don’t know about The Captain – he seems needy), together something special happens. And that something is hot. Really hot. But you don’t have to trust me. Just trust Charlize & Co.

Emma WatsonIf Hermione looked like this she would have watched softball instead of Quidditch.

Diane KrugerThe tuxedo shirt and bow ties says business. The sleeveless arms say parrrrr-tay.

Kate MoennigShhh. Don’t speak. You’ll ruin the religious experience.

Winona RyderWell, I didn’t say you had to button the shirt.

Kristen BellOr that the shirt had to have any buttons, period.

Rachel MaddowNow comes the part in the religious experience where you should be leaving small offerings as a sign of respect.

Keira KnightleyOK, fine. She’s not wearing a crisp white shirt. My bad.

Season of Charlize

I find Charlize Theron really interesting. In part, because she’s just straight-up gorgeous and I almost never tire of looking at a pretty face. But an even larger part is because she’s not just a pretty face. And a pretty face with something more behind it, now that I really never tire of looking at. But what I find most interesting is that instead of making a career of being straight-up gorgeous, she has chosen to do more. And, no, I’m not just talking her “uglying up” for “Monster.” Last year she was in “Young Adult,” where she played unlikeable to a dangerously convincing degree. And next up are two films coming this June that again take her outside the stereotypical gorgeous blonde box.

The first is “Snow White and the Huntsman,” where she steps up unlikeable and takes it all the way to evil as the Evil Queen. And then it’s in action hero mode in the “Alien” prequel “Prometheus.” Man, do both these movies look good. Like, let’s do this, buy the jumbo tub of popcorn, my body is ready good. And in part that’s because, well, they just look cool. But also because they are both films with strong female leads and impressive casts. “Snow White” also stars Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth and some spiffy looking special effects. And “Prometheus” includes spiffy looking cast Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Guy Pearce and Idris Elba – plus some spiffy special effects. All in all, I’m ready for the Season of Charlize in the cinema. Bring it, blondie.

Snow White and the Huntsman


Prometheus

So, which movie are you most excited for? Me, I’m going double feature.

Tank Top Tuesday: Global Warming Edition

It’s been an unusually warm winter out here in California. Granted, it’s California. So it’s always going to be warmer in the winter than, say, Minnesota. But still, even for the Golden State it’s a little nuts. Especially up here in Northern California. I mean, it’s supposed to hit the 70s this week. It’s still February, right? I know this should probably be wringing my hands about global warming and our carbon emissions. And – don’t worry, Al Gore – I totally do. But I’m also a tiny bit selfishly grateful for our depleted ozone layer. Because it means ladies are going to break out the tank tops that much faster. Hey, don’t judge me. I recycle.

Troian Bellisario

I’m so behind on my “Pretty Little Liars.” Is Spencer gay yet? Because she should be.

Lena HeadeyRemember when Lena was on that show about robots from the future and she ran around in a lot of tank tops. Yeah, me too.

Olivia WildeRemember when Olivia was on that show about teenagers from The O.C. and she made out with Mischa Barton? Yeah, me too.

Maria BelloOh, “Prime Suspect,” you could have been so damn good.

Halle BerryIt’s been 10 years since she won her Oscar. I know, that is blowing my mind too.

Mila KunisMore movies where you make out with Natalie Portman. Less movies where you make out with Justin Tumberlake. Oh, and don’t even consider making out with Ashton Kutcher again, honey.

Charlize TheronEvery time I see her in a tank top I think, “You know what, $140,000 for a kiss might even be a little low.”

Michelle RodriguezIf I had a dollar for each time Michelle gave a camera this look I’d be able to buy everyone of you a tank top, and then some.

Hope Solo

OK, OK – this isn’t “technically” a tank top. But it sure makes me appreciate warm weather. Also sweat. Also abs. Mmmm, abs.

Right, so maybe our carbon footprint isn’t looking so great. But until the rising oceans swallow all the land, I’m going to enjoy this silver lining while I can.

My Weekend Crush

Charlize Theron is almost a cruel kind of gorgeous. It’s not the most accessible beauty, like a girl next door or sexy librarian or anything. She reminds me of an iceberg. Exquisite to look at, a little cool around the edges, but with so much more going on underneath. What I think I like most about her is her sophisticated, I don’t give a fuck attitude. Because she really kind of doesn’t. She says what she thinks, she swears with abandon and she doesn’t need to play beautiful in every role. In fact, I’d argue there are few actresses who have traded less on their beauty – especially of late – than Charlize.

It’s not that she just uglies up to win awards (though that certainly didn’t hurt with “Monster”), but I really don’t think she cares if she looks glamorous in pictures. Take “Monster,” take “North Country,” take “In the Valley of Elah,” take “Sleepwalking,” take “The Burning Plain,” take “The Road.” And now “Young Adult.” The wardrobe departments on these pictures probably cost about the same as a good used Honda Civic. And, just as interesting, Charlize isn’t all that interested in playing nice. Not in her next two pictures at least. In both “Young Adult” and “Snow White and the Huntsman,” she played decidedly un-nice. Heck, I believe “Evil” even gets bandied about in the latter.

And that’s what helps make those movies, and her, so very interesting. Well, that and her passionate stances on causes like women’s rights, reproductive rights, gay rights and the plight of her native South Africa. See what I was saying? An iceberg. A crisp beautiful, beautiful iceberg. Happy weekend, all.

Dinner and a movie

As soon as that crisp comes into the air, I think of two things. One, how much of a pain in the ass it will be to have to travel during the holidays. I mean, really, airports at Christmas are the least merry places on Earth. And then the second, is what movies are going to make me run out to a theater near me soon. All the trailers for the big Serious Oscar Contenders start to roll out. And then the super advance trailers for next summer’s blockbusters muscle in as well. It hasn’t been a great movie year for me so far. I mean, I’ve seen some I liked (Harry Potter, I really liked Harry Potter – along with the rest of the planet), but not really that many. A few trailers for upcoming films have already caught my eye, like “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” and “Albert Nobbs.” So now it’s time to look at some more films coming up soon (or soon-ish) with great female leads that look worthy a $23 tub of popcorn.

Pariah (December 2011, limited)

God, I hope this movie gets a wider release. I really, really do.

The Iron Lady (December 2011)

Not because of Thatcher, all because of Streep. Also Giles (I see you, Anthony Stewart Head, I see you.)

Haywire (January 2012)

To die between mixed martial arts fighter Gina Carano’s thighs? Um, I can think of worse ways to go.

The Hunger Games (March 2012)

OK, OK. I’m convinced. Bring on the dystopia and bows and arrows.

Snow White and the Huntsman (June 2012)

Yes, K-Stew in shining armor is nice. But make no mistake, I am seeing this movie for Charlize. Evil, succubusy, gorgeous Charlize.

Brave (June 2012)

Is it possible to be envious of an animated character’s hair? Because, I am. Also, her feisty attitude ain’t bad either.

Right. So, now the only question is do you want extra butter on your popcorn or not?

Tank Top Tuesday: Gay it Forward

You know, I’m supposed to notice Stephanie March’s big yellow bandana. Because, you know, it’s yellow. But you know what I notice, well, besides the tank top? Her watch. That’s a big gay watch. Now, of course, I know Stephanie isn’t gay. She’s got Bobby freaking Flay cooking for her at home. But, she does play gay convincingly (as the brilliant plastics engineer slash lesbian on “30 Rock”). And, of course, gives good subtext with one Det. Olivia Benson. So, wait, where was I going with this? Oh right, those who play gay for our pleasure. Sometimes, they also wear pretty gay things for our pleasure, too. Like watches. And, of course, my personal favorite – tank tops.

Elizabeth MitchellElizabeth has earned the honorary hot plate for playing gay not once, not twice but three times. If she does a fourth, I say we have it bronzed.



Penelope CruzPenelope has only done it twice for us – but it was Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson, respectively. So, you know, good job.



Charlize TheronFine, so also played a lesbian serial killer. But, you know, nobody’s perfect.



Shay MitchellPoor dear, “A” made Emily a juicer. Though on the plus side, think of the muscle definition.



Patricia ClarksonSometimes I still expect her to talk with a German slur, like Greta from “High Art.”



Zoe SaldanaShe got to make out with Mila Kunis before it was Oscar-worthy to make out with Mila Kunis.



Piper PeraboAlso a twofer, but let’s be honest, we’ll love her forever just for kissing Lena.



Jenny ShimizuShe doesn’t have to play. She just is. My, is she ever.

Thanks for gaying it forward, ladies. And, yes, the tank tops.



EDIT: Looks like Piper and Penelope get their honorary hot plates as well for making the third time the charm. We anxiously await their fourth.

Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, Tuesdays. People always complain about Mondays, what with it being the first day of the week and on Garfield’s mug and all. But Tuesdays, Tuesdays are the real killer. Tuesdays are still too many days away from Friday, but without the excusable grumpiness cache that Monday carries. Plus, all the really boring meetings happen on Tuesdays because managers figure everyone who calls in “sick” on Mondays should actually be in by then. Hell, Tuesdays even make Charlize Theron scream – and not in the good way. So that, that’s why we must fight back the Tuesdays with everything we have. Some use a gun, others a sword. I, of course, never come armed without the best Tuesday killer possible: tank tops. Just doing my part, folks. Just doing my part.

Naomi WattsI can’t tell if I’m more impressed by the tank, the shoes or this pose. So I’m going to answer, “Yes.”

Thora BirchWhere’d she go? And wherever she went, I hope she’s still a redhead.

Scarlett JohanssonIf all her contracts don’t have a tank top clause, they should.

Aubrey PlazaAre you still not watching “Parks & Recreation” yet? Don’t make me scold you again.

Maggie QFine, this isn’t “technically” a tank top. But it’s got straps and fabric down the front, so I’m claiming it.

Padma LakshmiI miss “Top Chef” so much. And by “Top Chef,” I mean “Padma.”

Gwyneth PaltrowI miss her on “Glee,” too. But on the plus side, perhaps this means fewer Mr. Shue storylines.

Leisha Hailey, Kate Moennig, Laurel HollomanOK, I miss them most of all. Not the storylines, per se, just them.

Sara RamirezDo you know how hard it is to find a picture of Sara in a tank top? I give and I give, Internet.

Right, so I think it’s safe to say we totally kicked Tuesday’s ass.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Gosh you know what we haven’t done in a while? A nice long, slow gender fuck. But you know how I like to keep things classy around here, right? So how about we do it in black and white. Yeah, just like that. Some things you don’t need to over think. Or, more accurately, images like above of Christina Hendricks in a dress shirt and tie make it difficult for me to think.

Charlize Theron
Nicole Kidman


Drew Barrymore
Eva Green


Filippa Hamilton
Cate Blanchett


Christy Turlington, Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista
Kristen Wiig

In case that last image looks familiar, it should. That’s Yves Saint Laurent’s iconic Le Smoking tuxedo.

Now, If only they’d used this NSFW (Alert: NSFW!) pose instead. Next time, next time.

So, was it good for you?