Tank Top Tuesday: Gay it Forward

You know, I’m supposed to notice Stephanie March’s big yellow bandana. Because, you know, it’s yellow. But you know what I notice, well, besides the tank top? Her watch. That’s a big gay watch. Now, of course, I know Stephanie isn’t gay. She’s got Bobby freaking Flay cooking for her at home. But, she does play gay convincingly (as the brilliant plastics engineer slash lesbian on “30 Rock”). And, of course, gives good subtext with one Det. Olivia Benson. So, wait, where was I going with this? Oh right, those who play gay for our pleasure. Sometimes, they also wear pretty gay things for our pleasure, too. Like watches. And, of course, my personal favorite – tank tops.

Elizabeth MitchellElizabeth has earned the honorary hot plate for playing gay not once, not twice but three times. If she does a fourth, I say we have it bronzed.



Penelope CruzPenelope has only done it twice for us – but it was Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson, respectively. So, you know, good job.



Charlize TheronFine, so also played a lesbian serial killer. But, you know, nobody’s perfect.



Shay MitchellPoor dear, “A” made Emily a juicer. Though on the plus side, think of the muscle definition.



Patricia ClarksonSometimes I still expect her to talk with a German slur, like Greta from “High Art.”



Zoe SaldanaShe got to make out with Mila Kunis before it was Oscar-worthy to make out with Mila Kunis.



Piper PeraboAlso a twofer, but let’s be honest, we’ll love her forever just for kissing Lena.



Jenny ShimizuShe doesn’t have to play. She just is. My, is she ever.

Thanks for gaying it forward, ladies. And, yes, the tank tops.



EDIT: Looks like Piper and Penelope get their honorary hot plates as well for making the third time the charm. We anxiously await their fourth.

SGALGG: Hands! Hands! Edition

You know what we haven’t done in a while? A little Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. But I feel positively inspired after seeing all those soccer stars hug each other with their legs in sportsmanship. So now, how about celebrating when the ladies get handsy? Like Chyler Leigh and Mia Kirshner. Seeing Little Grey and Crazy Jenny go all Girls Gone Wild is, um, interesting. Yes, interesting. That’s my predominant emotion right now. Interest. So in the interest of being interested, I thought I’d let some SGALGG fingers do the walking and celebrate some more-than friendly hand placements. As Willow said to Vamp Willow: Hands! Hands!

Michelle Williams & friendHand holding, the basics never go out of style.

Maria Bello & Mariska HargitayHugging, also a classic.

Blake Lively & Leighton MeesterThe old, subtle let’s compare hands trick.

Thora Birch & Mena Suvari Though, subtlety can be overrated.

Laura Harring & Naomi WattsI’m still not entirely sure what “Mulholland Dr.” was all about. But I sure liked it when they kissed.

Emily Haines & FeistAfter a few drinks, arm wrestling always seems like a good idea.

Kate Bosworth & Zoe SaldanaIt’s not Kate’s hand around her waist as much as the hand reaching down for Zoe’s other hand that makes this so, well, yum.

Jessica Alba & Kate HudsonIn my head, she’s doing the opposite of holding Kate’s dress down. My head is a good place sometimes.

Minka Kelly & Minka KellyI don’t know why, but all of a sudden that Divinyls song “I Touch Myself” is running through my head.

Annie Wersching & Angie HarmonOne hand precariously high on Annie’s waist, the other on her gun. Yep, super duper straight.

Speaking of super duper straight, here are Angie Harmon & Sasha Alexander in their new TV Guide photoshoot. Clearly, I need to make more straight female friends immediately.

Gender Fuck Thursday

I will fully admit to not understanding the whole mustache meme. What’s that all about? Why does everyone have a big black fake Mr. Pringles stache all of a sudden? Kid these days. I don’t really get it. Of course, my father had a full mustache and beard for basically all of his life, so maybe I just associate it with dad things and not the apparent old-timey whimsy it’s supposed to imply. Or maybe I’m just old curmudgeony, instead of timey. What can I say, I’m just a sucker for some soft, smooth skin. Still, on Catherine Deneuve I will accept any and all facial hair. And a bowler. And a bowtie. And cufflinks. Sweet fancy Moses, I love cufflinks. Though, other than Catherine, staches just aren’t my jam. (That is what the youths are calling it, no?) I dunno. But I do know that while we may have to agree to disagree on fake facial hair, I hope we can all agree that a lady in menswear will never go out of style. Plus, she has the added bonus of never having to worry about – shall we say – unfortunate mustache tickle. And, to make amends for dissing the old-timey mustache, how about some old-timey black and white gender fuck.

[Hat tip, Jennifer for the delightful Deneuve photo above.]

Isabella RosselliniI used to have a real thing for double-breasted suits. I mean, the name alone.

Zoe SaldanaShoulder pads, on the other hand, I never had a thing for. But all of a sudden I don’t mind so much.

Anne HathawayProper tailoring is critical to allow movement. Yay, tailoring.

Milla JovovichNot everyone can pull off all white. Luckily Milla is not everyone.

Vanessa ParadisHowever, everyone should have a lounging around tuxedo. It should be, like, a rule.

Gemma ArtertonSeriously, I think this lounging around tuxedo rule could be revolutionary.

Monica BellucciAdmit it, most of your wildest dreams aren’t nearly this delicious.

Jessie Matthews, “Just a Girl” (1935)Now this kind of old-timey has my full endorsement.

Gun it

Now, don’t get me wrong, I liked “Inception.” It was like one of those M.C. Escher paintings from you college dorm room came to life, spun around a dozen times and then spit out that guy from “Titanic” and that gal from “Juno.” Also, who doesn’t love Ellen Page in an assortment of neckerchiefs? But what I really want is a little lady action. Sure Marion Cotillard gets to brandish a weapon here and there. But I crave is the big, bad-ass ladies with even bigger guns. I mean, damn Michelle Rodriguez, damn. So now the only question is, old school or new school? Decisions, decisions.

OLD SCHOOL

Gail DavisAnnie’s got not one, but two guns. As it should be.

Jane FondaWell now, Ms. Ballou, I like the way you point that thing.

Marlene DietrichThis is her just hanging at the shooting range in leather pants.

Pam GrierShe wasn’t called Foxy Brown for nothing.

Audrey HepburnAdmittedly, this is just adorable. I mean, a sun hat – come on.

NEW SCHOOL

Zoe SaldanaModern girls know how to double-fist it, too.

Noomi RapaceNo American version needed, thank you very much.

Milla Jovovich & Ali LarterTwo girls, one shotgun. So much better.

Yvonne StrahovskiIn my dream scenario Agent Sarah Walker and Agent Annie Walker meet and compare, um, guns.

Angelina JolieYes, I know, we already had a lengthy discussion about sodium content this week. But Ebert gave “Salt” four stars, and I want it to do well this weekend. Ladies first, ya know.

So, ladies – old school or new school? Or is it just fun to be schooled, period?

SGALGG: Sharing is Caring

You know what I love? I love that you guys know me so well. Like, for instance, this photo above. Several people alerted me to this most fantastic Tina Fey-Mariska Hargitay-Sheryl Crow sandwich this week. It warms my heart that you know me so well. Of course, that could also mean I’m predictable. But, if predictable means having women send me a picture of what appears to be Tina copping a feel on Mariska as Sheryl watches approvingly, then color me predictable. Also, extra special Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals-points to Tina and Sheryl for getting a jump on their Lesbian Twin Syndrome wardrobe.

Since you shared with me, it only seems fair that I share with you. So how about some more SGALGG goodness, with a little GGALGG gayness thrown in for good measure.

Dianna Agron & Anna PaquinIf you’re going to SGALGG cheat, picking an actual gay gal is a great way to maximize your jealously factor. Lea Michele must be fuming. Also, you know Anna sneaked a peek.

Frances McDormand & Tilda Swinton
If this was a movie it would be the best acted lesbian movie of all time. Think about it, Hollywood.*

Naomi Watts & Scarlett JohanssonThis one would be pretty well acted, too. Just don’t let anyone get sucked into a blue box that’s a portal to an alternate reality that has darkly lit rooms with rich red curtains and Laura Harring.

Emily Deschanel & friendsI think, as the kids today say, UNF.

Zoe Saldana & Sigourney WeaverIf Sigourney has a thing about breasts, she should explore those feelings with Zoe instead of lashing out at our gal Kathryn Bigelow.

Amy Adams & Zooey DeschanelAccording to Esquire, Zooey is the woman most women want to sleep with. I think Amy agrees.

Olivia Wilde & some lucky SOB

That woman is so close she can probably smell Olivia’s perfume.
I hate her.

*UPDATE: OK, OK, here is the skinny on Tilda and Frances. The photos is indeed a candid. They’re talking (very closely) at the 2008 Toronto International Film Festival premiere of “Burn After Reading.” You can see a progression of them together here.

Tank Top Tuesday

Sometimes, I don’t have a theme. Sometimes there are just women who look so fucking amazing wearing a tank top that I have to post them. It would be a crime not to. This is one of those sometimes. No deep thoughts, just deeply hot. You know, like our friend Yvonne Strahovski or, more accurately, StraHOTski. You’ve been warned.

Julianne MooreWith both “Chloe” and “The Kids Are All Right” coming out this year, it’s time we had her Honorary Lesbian Hot Plate bronzed.

Missy PeregrymI’m not sure if this is really a tank top. Close enough.

Lisa EdelsteinGod, imagine if the “House” writers had created Cuteen instead of Huddy or, yawn, Snoreteen Foreteen.

Charlotte Gainsbourg

Lady drummers are hot. Always, always hot.

Aishwarya Rai

Hooray for Bollywood.

Malin AkermanI still haven’t seen “Watchmen.” Now I feel doubly bad about this.

Kelly HuI think being able to do this with your leg is illegal in 18 states.

Jena MaloneSomething for the younger folks, since I still vividly remember her playing the child-version of Jodie Foster in “Contact.” But she is 25 now so, you know, daaamn.

Zoe SaldanaTank? Check. Tats? Check. Piercings? Check. Gun? Check. Do you not even care what this movie is about as long as you can see Zoe in her tank with tats, piercings and a big-ass gun? Check.