We run this motha

It’s getting might discouraging out there for us ladies with what passes for political discourse these days. Bills to allow employers to decide what health care we can have. Bills to allow doctors to insert medical devices into our bodies without our consent. National broadcasters who feel justified calling us “sluts” and “prostitutes” and national politicians who don’t think we need to be represented on panels discussing birth control. Yes, these are crazy times to be a modern woman. I mean, it’s not like the pill first came on the market some 52 years ago. Whereas Viagra was invented 14 years ago, and no one is passing bills to make sure it’s being used for procreation purposes only. But, hey, a guy’s got to get it up, am I right? Right. While certain voices in today’s politics seem determined to bring us back to the Stone Age, we’ve fought long and hard for gains. And we won’t go back into the kitchen or the cave. Because we’re awesome. And despite what all those men in suits say, we run this motha. Happy Monday, ladies.

Vacation Vixen: Angie Harmon

Season 2 finale of “Rizzoli & Isles” is tonight, so feast your eyes on the #gayzzoli while you still can.

Det. Sexy McBadass & Dr. Smartypants

So, you know I love me some “Rizzoli & Isles” (henceforth alternately known as Det. Sexy McBadass & Dr. Smartypants). And it’s going to be mighty hard to beat the gayzzoli of last week. I mean, Maura told Jane, “I love you.” So, not really so much subtext as regular old maintext now. But, as a dreamer, I can always hope for more. This week’s episode will be the one with Jane’s big high school reunion. I hope everyone thinks Jane and Maura are LLBFF at the event. I know, it’s not good to go back to the well – but when the water is so sweet, why not? Still, when writer imagination fails us, we always have the fanvids. Oh, fanvids. How you make the dirty things in our head spring to life on our screens.

Oh, and if you haven’t been checking out my Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps on Wednesdays over at AfterEllen would it help if I told you a mutual friend of ours has?

You know, no big, it’s cool. Just Sasha Alexander saying she’s read a few of my recaps. Be right back, passing out – FOREVER.

Naked Lady Monday

Hey, only 20 shopping days left until Christmas. But don’t let the crass consumerism of what should be a season of reflection and thanks get you down. Because there are still joys to be had that cost nothing. Well, next to nothing. OK, in real life this sort of thing would take at least dinner first. Possibly several dinners. Some sparkling conversation. Plenty of wine. And, you know, a fantastic personality. I mean Michelle Rodriguez doesn’t strip down to her birthday suit and cover herself in what appears to be tar for just any old lug. But, for you today, it’s totally free. Nothing says happy holidays like a bunch of naked ladies, amirite? Holly jolly, indeed.

Monica BellucciI’m not sure how she tears herself away from the mirror each morning. I mean, the view – Jesus, the view.

Carla GuginoThat “Spy Kids” is what most of Americans know her from is a tragedy of epic proportions.

Lady GagaI still haven’t figured out if this picture turns me on or frightens me. Either way, I’m going to keep looking until I figure it out.

Sara RamirezSometimes I can’t decide if I’m more jealous of Jessica Capshaw* because she gets to kiss Sara Ramirez…

Jessica Capshaw…or Sara Ramirez for getting to kiss Jessica Capshaw

Angie HarmonI am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her voice. I am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her voice. I am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her voice. I am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her… Wait, what were we talking about?

p.s. Don’t forget to catch the Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps Wednesdays on AfterEllen.

*Total brain fart on the Jennifer/Jessica thing. So many ladies, so many names, one little brain to remember them all. Apologies.

They're back (at being so gay)

Hey, you know what day it is? “Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext-O-Rama Day, that’s what day it is. Everyone’s favorite totally heterosexual – except when they’re not being heterosexual, which is kind of always – Boston police detective and chief medical examiner are back. Can you contain yourself? Don’t even try. Having seen the episode I can assure you that our ladies of law enforcement are no less gay. In fact, they are so gay. So, so, so, so gay. And, if you don’t believe me, please believe the evidence. Here are five irrefutable reasons Jane and Maura are totally gayzzoli for each other.

p.s. Check out my Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps at AfterEllen on Wednesdays for this short five-episode winter return. (Yes, Wednesdays, not Tuesdays. I need the extra day to not die of exhaustion, trust me.)

Give it to me, baby

You guys, seriously. You guys. You probably already saw this last week. But if you didn’t, it’s one hell of a way to start the work week. And even if you did, it’s still one hell of a way to start your work week. This is Sasha Alexander and Angie Harmon enjoying a little on-set dance party for the Angie’s birthday last week. For first timers and repeat viewers alike, it’s certainly something to aspire to in the workplace. Just think how the work week would fly by if we all danced our day away through the office. Oh, Sasha. Oh, Angie. You make me feel gayzzoli all over.

EDIT: Well, shit. I do not know why the video was marked private all of sudden. I hope it’s just a temporary mistake. Until it is made public again, please enjoy this older vintage of Angie Harmon dancing on set instead. It’s still a pretty fantastic way to kick off the work week.

EDIT 2: Embedded with a working reupload of the dance party. Get your groove on.

My Weekend Crush

Angie Harmon’s voice is sex. It’s a deep, raw, primal growl of a thing. She’s got so much rasp to it you’d think you could grate parmesan on her vocal chords. So when you combine that voice with that face and that body and that hair and those big brown eyes… Jesus. I am helpless against the hot. Do I have problems with her politics? You betcha. I cannot condone or even slightly endorse her conservative stances. But, you know what, some people are conservative. I don’t like it, but that’s our right in this country – to believe what we want to believe and say what we want to say. Since she has emphatically expressed her love for The Gays, I’ll begrudgingly agree to disagree with her on her other political proclivities.

She could also exercise a tad more tact sometimes when addressing the giant “are they or aren’t they” elephant in the “Rizzoli & Isles” bedroom. But I think that’s just her. She’s not one for subtly. What she seems to have instead in abundance is a goofy sense of fun and fierce sense of loyalty. Admit it, she seems like she’d be blast to have a cocktail, or six, with. That her chemistry with co-star Sasha Alexander is so electric it’s visible from space doesn’t hurt either. And, Lord, can we get back to her voice? My body reacts almost involuntarily to it, like Pavlov’s dog and that bell – complete with drool. Look, I don’t have to like Angie’s politics to love her on “Rizzoli & Isles.” And I do, I really, really do. Happy weekend, all.

SGALGG: Hands! Hands! Edition

You know what we haven’t done in a while? A little Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. But I feel positively inspired after seeing all those soccer stars hug each other with their legs in sportsmanship. So now, how about celebrating when the ladies get handsy? Like Chyler Leigh and Mia Kirshner. Seeing Little Grey and Crazy Jenny go all Girls Gone Wild is, um, interesting. Yes, interesting. That’s my predominant emotion right now. Interest. So in the interest of being interested, I thought I’d let some SGALGG fingers do the walking and celebrate some more-than friendly hand placements. As Willow said to Vamp Willow: Hands! Hands!

Michelle Williams & friendHand holding, the basics never go out of style.

Maria Bello & Mariska HargitayHugging, also a classic.

Blake Lively & Leighton MeesterThe old, subtle let’s compare hands trick.

Thora Birch & Mena Suvari Though, subtlety can be overrated.

Laura Harring & Naomi WattsI’m still not entirely sure what “Mulholland Dr.” was all about. But I sure liked it when they kissed.

Emily Haines & FeistAfter a few drinks, arm wrestling always seems like a good idea.

Kate Bosworth & Zoe SaldanaIt’s not Kate’s hand around her waist as much as the hand reaching down for Zoe’s other hand that makes this so, well, yum.

Jessica Alba & Kate HudsonIn my head, she’s doing the opposite of holding Kate’s dress down. My head is a good place sometimes.

Minka Kelly & Minka KellyI don’t know why, but all of a sudden that Divinyls song “I Touch Myself” is running through my head.

Annie Wersching & Angie HarmonOne hand precariously high on Annie’s waist, the other on her gun. Yep, super duper straight.

Speaking of super duper straight, here are Angie Harmon & Sasha Alexander in their new TV Guide photoshoot. Clearly, I need to make more straight female friends immediately.

Tank Top Tuesday

You know what’s nice to wear when sailing on a ship? Tank tops. You know what’s nice to see when talking about lesbian “ships?” Tank tops. Life has this beautiful symmetry to it sometimes. Today, in honor of some of our favorite gay lady relationships on TV (maintext, subtext & just the voices in our head varieties), how about a little friendly couple competition? Which pair wears it best? And, to get even more cutthroat, which partner in each pairing wears it best? Total lezzer tank top supremacy awaits, ladies. Choose wisely.

Naya RiveraStill No. 1 in our hearts, minds and pants.

Heather MorrisStill No. 1 in Santana’s heart, mind and pants.

Anna SilkIf you haven’t watched “Lost Girl,” I actually pity you.

Zoie PalmerDr. Hot Pants should always pair them with a tightly fitted tank. Always.

Sara RamirezTank scrubs, think about it Seattle Grace.

Jessica CapshawReally, really think about it Seattle Grace.

Lily LovelessLily, a pint and that smirk – it’s all a growing girl needs to survive.

Kat PrescottThough, of course, a daily supplement of Kat couldn’t hurt either.

Lea MicheleNow this is entirely different kind of “bait girl” look. I approve.

Dianna AgronWearing a tank top is basically the same thing as wearing a “Likes Girls” T-shirt, no?

Angie HarmonThis season on “Rizzoli & Isles,” in addition to wanting more eye sex we should all demand more tank tops.

Sasha AlexanderIsles being a Rizzoli is both confusing and hot. So. Fucking. Hot.

Man, life is just one tough decision after another.

Back where they belong

Is it July yet? Yesterday I sang the praises of another kind of crime drama. One of methodical realism and gripping intensity. “Rizzoli & Isles” isn’t like that, and that’s just fine. Ice cream comes in a lot of flavors and you don’t have to like just one. What I like about “Rizzoli & Isles” is the chemistry – that electric, infectious, playful connection between Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander. Also, super duper gay.

So then it’s been fun to follow both Angie and Sasha’s tweets from the set, and their little behind-the-scenes snippets from the new season. (The season 2 premiere is called “We Don’t Need Another Hero.” They just got the script for the third episode.)

Jane is back:How does she manage to look hot even when getting her hair did?

Jane’s shoe:Angie shows us her suspiciously Doc Martens-like police Oxfords. (It’s not, because I can’t see the yellow stitching. But it’s close enough to draw totally baseless conclusions. Amirite?)

Maura is back:It’s unnatural how adorable she is.

Maura’s buddy:I was afraid they’d hurt the turtle tortoise! in the finale, I’m not even kidding.

But do you know what I really, really miss? Seeing them together. Clearly they are both gorgeous and lovely and talented in their own right. But together they’re like unicorns and rainbows. Awesome alone, freaking magic together. So then, without further adoing, I give you our Rizzles back in action.

July 11 is too damn far away. We want Jane and Sasha Maura eye sex, and we want it now. Though, nice practicing on the camera there, Angie.

p.s. I’m not the only dork counting the days until the “Rizzoli & Isles” premiere. Me & Liz are gonna watch it together with some night cheese.

Naked Lady Monday: Bees Knees

The knee gets so little credit in the human anatomy. They’re knobby or knocked, and occasionally we’ve been known to go weak at them. But what they really are, when placed correctly with its constant companion the thigh, is a mighty protector of a lady’s virtue. Or, looking at it from another angle, an obstacle to overcome when seeking to passionately plunder said virtue. Still, whether clutched or crossed, the humble knee should be appreciated for its ability to spark our interest and stoke the imagination. And, of course, a swift knee to almost any other part of the anatomy has the ability to render another person immediately immobile. So, bottom line, knees – respect.

Cate BlanchettJust in case her knees weren’t modest enough, she’s got a full-body hose backup.

Angelina JolieBed head is almost always an instant knee weakener.

Kate HudsonWhen the humble knee is not enough, a book will help in a pinch. But, just make sure it’s a hardcover. A trade paperback won’t cover squat.

Marion CotillardIt probably would have just been easier to button her coat. Easier, but not more enjoyable.

Anna FrielGod, I miss “Pushing Daisies.”

Serena WilliamsI’ve seen how she fills out her tennis uniforms; there’s no way one knee would have sufficed.

Naomi WattsWorks backwards, too.

Lea MicheleWhen the “Glee” kids are doing it, you know it’s a trend.

Olivia WildeOver the weekend I caught a “House” rerun and then rewatched “When Night is Falling.” Let me tell you, that made for some very, very acrobatic dreams involving the lovely Ms. Wilde. Hello, wobbly knees.