Naked Lady Monday: TLW Edition

So while I took Leap Day to bemoan the lack of Jennifer Beals on our TVs, I know plenty of “The L Word” alums are gainfully employed and gracing our screens (large and small) with their post-Chaiken magnificence. So, because it’s Monday and because some of you seemed somewhat perplexed by the clothing-optional selections I posted of their former coworker, I thought I’d double down. How about a little Naked Lady Monday with the hard-working former ladies of TLW? These lovely former ladies of the L all have interesting projects and programs they’re working on. And that they look god not entirely clothed? Well, that’s a sure bet. (As always, sort of NSFW. But, come on, you know you want to peek.)

Sarah ShahiThe artist formerly known as Carmen returns for the second season of “Fairly Legal” March 16 on USA. She’ll be back as legal mediator Kate Reed who usually wears considerably more clothes than this while solving complex legal disputes.

Janina GavankarThe artist formerly known as Papi will return as a series regular on True Blood this summer on HBO. She plays shifter Luna, who kind of has forever redefined my image of a beautiful wild pony running free across the planes.

Kate MoennigThe artist formerly known as Shane has signed onto the Showtime pilot “Ray Donovan,” where she will play gay once again as the “dark, intense” right hand gal to the title character L.A. P.I. to the rich and famous. Via the pilot script, we first see her waking up next to lovely lady in bed. Guess we all know who she’s looking very like that day.

Mia KirshnerThe artist formerly known as Jenny had a recurring role on “The Vampire Diaries” last season. She can next be seen on the big screen alongside True Blood vamp Stephen Moyer in the horror film “The Barrens,” about a family being stalked by the Jersey Devil. Hmmm, maybe it killed Jenny.

Lauren Lee SmithThe artist formerly known as the Soup Chef joined the second season of the Canadian psychic drama The Listener, and will return for its third season debuting later this year. I’m not going to lie, I miss the red hair.

Leisha HaileyThe artist formerly known as Alice is still as adorable as ever. But instead of acting she’s making merry music with her band Uh Huh Her. And they even have a new video out, with “So You Think You Can Dance” runner-up and out dancer Sasha Mallory.



Definitely NSFW:

Pam GrierThe artist formerly known as Kit starred alongside Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in “Larry Crowne” last year. The inimitable Ms. Grier can next be seen in the action film “The Man with the Iron Fists” with Russell Crowe and Lucy Liu. To quote every line of Kit’s dialogue ever, “You go, baby girl!”

NOTE: No, clearly, this is not a comprehensive update of all the past TLW regulars. Those without current performing projects on the large or small screen were left off on purpose.

Naked Lady Athletes Monday

Now, I know these photos came out late last week. And I know you all have been emailing and tweeting and asking if I’ve seen them. And, yes, I’ve seen them. But I saved them, on purpose, to show them to you when you really needed it. Patience, you see, isn’t just a virtue. It’s a gift. Sure, they would have been fun to look at on Thursday or Friday or Saturday or Sunday. But Monday, Monday is when you need them – really, really need them. So, that’s where I come in. No need to thank me. Just, you know, don’t drool on the screen.

Hope Solo, Olympic & World Cup soccer goalieThat garden hose is a surrogate for us all. In our dreams.

Gretchen Bleiler, Olympic & X-Games snowboarderThose abs are like black diamond runs. Jesus. I’m going to need a moment.

Alicia Sacramone, Olympic gymnastGymnastics was my favorite sport growing up. Now the reasons are all coming together for me.

Julie Chu, Olympic hockey playerAll those pads were hiding this. I hate those pads.

Sylvia Fowles, WNBA playerThose are some lucky damn rocks.

Suzy Hotrod, co-captain of Team USA Roller DerbyI’d love to try roller derby, but I lack the requisite numbers of tattoos. Oh, and also I fear grievous bodily harm.

Stephanie Gilmore, four-time world surfing champSometimes staying dry is good too.

Belén Mozo, LPGA rookieShe appears to have lost her ball in the tough. And her clothes.

Kelly Kulick, professional bowlerI’m trying really hard to think of a good naughty 7-10 split joke.

Natasha Hastings, Olympic sprinterAnyone else feel like putting a bow-chicka-bow beat on the “Chariots of Fire” theme?

Vera Zvonareva, No. 3 ranked women’s tennis playerI’m calling this love-love.

Gretchen & HopeEverything is obliques and nothing hurts.

Your Monday is looking up, no? See, timing is everything.

Naked Lady Monday

Oh, shit. It’s Monday again. But wait, naked ladies. There, all better. Sometimes, kittens, it’s just that simple. I mean, if our beautiful friend Freida Pinto above doesn’t improve your day exponentially, then I’m not sure anything will. But why am I still talking? Happy NSFWish Monday.

Emmanuelle BeartDid you know Emmanuelle is 47? French women apparently don’t age, either.

Eva GreenThough French women do, in the immortal words of Sir Mix-A-Lot, got back.

Anna FrielSeriously, I still miss “Pushing Daisies” so much.

Jenna FischerYou always have to look out for the nice ones.

Cobie Smulders

I don’t watch her show. Why don’t I watch her show?

Keira KnightleyWell, now I can see why the thought of never having Keira would drive that poor bloke with the flashcards to go fight zombies instead.

Sarah Shahi

I have never enjoyed a Monday more. Ever.

Naked Lady Monday: Black & White Edition

Admit it, things seem classier in black and white. So what might look like just a naked lady in color will look like an artistic naked lady in black and white. Such is the power of the monochrome. So then we feel a little better about ogling because, you know, the art and culture and stuff. Just look at Kristin Scott Thomas pulling her best Joan of Arc. That’s not just classy nakedness, it’s historical. Black and white can turn “nekkid” back to “naked.” Wait, is that a good thing? Regardless, a little black and white is exactly what is in order this Monday, to help turn make might otherwise be NSFW into a refined collection of semi-nude portraiture. Or, at least, that’s what you can tell your boss.

Deborah Ann WollI just finished watching season 3 of “True Blood” and Jessica was criminally, criminally underused. Criminally so.

Amber HeardHot. Gay. Hot some more.

Charlotte GainsbourgNo one wears scarves better than French women.

Penelope CruzThe curve of a woman’s back is one of the ways we know we live in a benevolent universe.

Olivia WildeThe round of a woman’s bum is another.

Charlotte RamplingLet’s make it a rule that all women named “Charlotte” need to get naked today.

Rosario DawsonRosario isn’t nude. But she’s not wearing pants either. Totally counts.

Heather MorrisYeah, so no wonder Santana is doing everything she can do to win Brittany back.

EDIT: Whoops, that should be Naked Lady Monday not Naked Lady Woman. Though there ain’t nothing wrong with a naked lady woman. Nothing at all.

Naked Lady Monday: Bees Knees

The knee gets so little credit in the human anatomy. They’re knobby or knocked, and occasionally we’ve been known to go weak at them. But what they really are, when placed correctly with its constant companion the thigh, is a mighty protector of a lady’s virtue. Or, looking at it from another angle, an obstacle to overcome when seeking to passionately plunder said virtue. Still, whether clutched or crossed, the humble knee should be appreciated for its ability to spark our interest and stoke the imagination. And, of course, a swift knee to almost any other part of the anatomy has the ability to render another person immediately immobile. So, bottom line, knees – respect.

Cate BlanchettJust in case her knees weren’t modest enough, she’s got a full-body hose backup.

Angelina JolieBed head is almost always an instant knee weakener.

Kate HudsonWhen the humble knee is not enough, a book will help in a pinch. But, just make sure it’s a hardcover. A trade paperback won’t cover squat.

Marion CotillardIt probably would have just been easier to button her coat. Easier, but not more enjoyable.

Anna FrielGod, I miss “Pushing Daisies.”

Serena WilliamsI’ve seen how she fills out her tennis uniforms; there’s no way one knee would have sufficed.

Naomi WattsWorks backwards, too.

Lea MicheleWhen the “Glee” kids are doing it, you know it’s a trend.

Olivia WildeOver the weekend I caught a “House” rerun and then rewatched “When Night is Falling.” Let me tell you, that made for some very, very acrobatic dreams involving the lovely Ms. Wilde. Hello, wobbly knees.

Naked Lady Monday

Hello, Monday. It seems every few days while checking my blog stats I’ll come across someone who found me by searching “Naked Lady Athletes.” First, I commend you smutty searchers. Second, here come 1,000 more search hits. The annual ESPN Body Issue is chock full of heavenly bodies, all ripped and ready to go. I can't really speak to the reasoning behind such a shoot other than as a shameless showcase of the most beautiful specimens of human perfection. Or, to be less verbal about it, UNF. It’s a Monday. Not everything has to be cerebral. Oh, before you shut off your brain entirely, NSFW.

US Women’s Water Polo TeamWater, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.

Diana Taurasi, WNBA Phoenix MercuryIs it weird that I’m wondering if that ball is regulation?

Rachel Yurkovich, JavelinPeople usually mean men when they refer to Greek gods. They’re really missing out.

Jeanette Lee, BilliardsPeople call her “The Black Widow.” I do not have a joke to go along with that because I am totally scared of spiders.

Kim Glass, VolleyballBump and set sound a lot dirtier when looking at this picture.

Esther Vergeer, TennisThis picture explains why they score tennis with “aces” & “love.”

Julia Mancuso, Alpine skiingWinter weather gear is, clearly, a sin.

US Women’s Water PoloGratuitous, in the very best sense of the word.