Naked Lady Monday: TLW Edition

So while I took Leap Day to bemoan the lack of Jennifer Beals on our TVs, I know plenty of “The L Word” alums are gainfully employed and gracing our screens (large and small) with their post-Chaiken magnificence. So, because it’s Monday and because some of you seemed somewhat perplexed by the clothing-optional selections I posted of their former coworker, I thought I’d double down. How about a little Naked Lady Monday with the hard-working former ladies of TLW? These lovely former ladies of the L all have interesting projects and programs they’re working on. And that they look god not entirely clothed? Well, that’s a sure bet. (As always, sort of NSFW. But, come on, you know you want to peek.)

Sarah ShahiThe artist formerly known as Carmen returns for the second season of “Fairly Legal” March 16 on USA. She’ll be back as legal mediator Kate Reed who usually wears considerably more clothes than this while solving complex legal disputes.

Janina GavankarThe artist formerly known as Papi will return as a series regular on True Blood this summer on HBO. She plays shifter Luna, who kind of has forever redefined my image of a beautiful wild pony running free across the planes.

Kate MoennigThe artist formerly known as Shane has signed onto the Showtime pilot “Ray Donovan,” where she will play gay once again as the “dark, intense” right hand gal to the title character L.A. P.I. to the rich and famous. Via the pilot script, we first see her waking up next to lovely lady in bed. Guess we all know who she’s looking very like that day.

Mia KirshnerThe artist formerly known as Jenny had a recurring role on “The Vampire Diaries” last season. She can next be seen on the big screen alongside True Blood vamp Stephen Moyer in the horror film “The Barrens,” about a family being stalked by the Jersey Devil. Hmmm, maybe it killed Jenny.

Lauren Lee SmithThe artist formerly known as the Soup Chef joined the second season of the Canadian psychic drama The Listener, and will return for its third season debuting later this year. I’m not going to lie, I miss the red hair.

Leisha HaileyThe artist formerly known as Alice is still as adorable as ever. But instead of acting she’s making merry music with her band Uh Huh Her. And they even have a new video out, with “So You Think You Can Dance” runner-up and out dancer Sasha Mallory.



Definitely NSFW:

Pam GrierThe artist formerly known as Kit starred alongside Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in “Larry Crowne” last year. The inimitable Ms. Grier can next be seen in the action film “The Man with the Iron Fists” with Russell Crowe and Lucy Liu. To quote every line of Kit’s dialogue ever, “You go, baby girl!”

NOTE: No, clearly, this is not a comprehensive update of all the past TLW regulars. Those without current performing projects on the large or small screen were left off on purpose.

Girls do make passes at girls who wear glasses

So, I still can’t stop thinking about those smart girls. If there is one accessory that almost automatically adds points to a woman’s IQ, it’s a nice pair of glasses. Give a gal with glasses a book (particularly a book about kissing, like Mia Kirshner above) and be still my big nerdy heart. Now, as some of you might remember, I’m a glasses wearer. I wear contacts most of the time, but I’ve always got my specs on in the evening to write and watch TV and hang about the house. As a kid, I wore glasses full-time – big clunky things that for some incomprehensible reason covered more of my cheeks than my actual eyes. Seriously, were we trying to look through some heretofore unknown fourth eye with those enormous hubcap lenses in the 80s? Back then they used to say “Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.” But that was before the whole sexy librarian thing really took off. And now, well, I still can’t speak for the guys, but this gal sure likes making passes at girls who wear glasses. In particular, these gals. No need to take your glasses off and shake out your hair, ladies. I mean, feel free to shake out your hair, but definitely keep the glasses on while you do it. Here’s looking at you, four eyes.

Mary-Louise ParkerBig brown eyes behind big brown frames make my knees weak, instantly.

Cate BlanchettBlue eyes behind blue frames ain’t half bad either.

Shirley MansonOf course, gingers can wear whatever color frames they want.

Angelina JolieAnd then sometimes you don’t need any color at all, just the world’s most expertly arched eyebrow.

Anna TorvEverything in this picture works for me. Glasses. V-neck. Ponytail. Laptop. Books. Heck, I even like the lamp.

Padma LakshmiEverything in this picture works for me, too. Plus, I know Padma could cook me an amazing dinner afterwards. And then we’d talk shit about Tom Colicchio.

Sarah ShahiNow that’s what I call a nice pair – of glasses.

Helena Bonham CarterThis whole ensemble is crazy. But crazy good, not crazy Bellatrix Lestrange.

Rachel MaddowOh, to have her look over her Clark Kent glasses and talk dirty, dirty politics to me.

Tina FeyOh, please, like I wasn’t going to include her.

Marlee Matlin & Jennifer BealsThis is them, the insane hubcap-sized glasses we used to wear in the 80s. Of course, they look fine on Marlee and Jennifer. Whatever, I’m not jealous. Though, we probably shouldn’t talk about the hair.

Oh, and one other sexy thing about glasses? When things get steamy, so do they.

Bite Me

I have a thing for vampires, this is no secret. The fangs, the biting, the immortality. That’s one sexy combo. It helps that lady vampires are being portrayed right now on screen – both big and small – by some very attractive actresses. So with Halloween approaching, I thought we’d pay tribute to these toothsome talents. But why mindlessly ogle when you can make it a cutthroat competition? Let’s sink our teeth into the beautiful bloodsuckers from the three biggest vampire series out currently (“True Blood,” “The Vampire Diaries” and the “Twilight” saga) and see which group tastes the best.

TRUE BLOOD

PamHot, blonde and into chicks.

Sophie-AnneHot, ginger and into chicks.

JessicaHot, ginger and not into chicks, but I would happily spend an eternity trying to convert her.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

KatherineEvil, but has a good doppelganger so, you know, kind of the best of both worlds.

CarolineI like her so much better as a vampire than a human, is that wrong?

IsobelWe all knew Jenny Schecter was a vampire already, this is just more upfront about it.

TWILIGHT

Esme and Alice CullenDoes the fact that they’re not really mother and daughter makes it any less creepy that I think they make a nice looking couple? OK, still no.

RosalieI’m just going to say it, I don’t like Nikki Reed as a blonde.

JaneDoes the fact that her character is, like, 1,000 years old make it any less creepy that she is actually 16? OK, still no.

So, which lady vamps do it for you? Who sucks the least, figuratively? Or the most, literally? Yes, I know I went there with all the bad puns. Bite me.

Mirror, mirror

A whole new year, a whole new decade. A change to reflect, anew. We like to put importance on certain numbers, days, milestones. The beginning of a year holds the same promise each time – a clear slate, a fresh start. We look back on what has passed. We hope for what lies ahead. And we reflect on what we want, what we really want. Today, I want to look at beautiful women looking at themselves. What? You reflect your way, I’ll reflect mine. Why hello, 2010. My, you look pretty.

Rachel WeiszMia KirshnerHelena Bonham CarterMichelle WilliamsMaggie GyllenhaalLeisha Hailey & Jennifer BealsJulie AndrewsTallulah BankheadChristina RicciOlivia WildeDid you know Olivia’s real last name is “Cockburn.” Yeah, clearly that had to be changed.

Vacation Vixen: Mia Kirshner

Fine, I admit it. Sometimes I miss Jenny.

Pre-Pre-L: Girls in Tight Dresses

Oh, kittens, kittens. Sometimes the heavens open up and drop manna into your lap. And by manna, I mean the girls of “The L Word” in those proverbial tight dresses. While no one is dragging with mustaches just yet, give Max time. The character and group promo pictures for the sixth and final season are in and they're, well, they're kind of crazy. As in crazy hot. But, um, is it just me or do they all kind of look like models for a new TLW cut-out paper doll collection? Granted, I'm not grumbling. Pictures of beautiful women? Yes, Mama Chaiken, may I have another?

[Click any and all to enlarge and don't forget the link love.]

Jennifer BealsBette in a hot dress and a pair of Louboutins? Hold on. I've got something I've got to do...with my hands...for a minute. Though, hey, where is her other arm? Is Tina behind her?

Laurel HollomanTina, while your mini is just long enough so I can't quite see London or France, I can see your tattoo. Does Bette know?

Leisha HaileyNobody move, Alice has been attacked by a 1980s prom dress. Don't frighten the bubble skirt or it'll pull a pair of jelly sandals or a can of Aqua Net from its depth and hurl it at your head.

Kate MoennigOh, thank God, Shane is looking very Shane today again.
That whole dress thing was weirding me out.

Pam GrierAll we are saying, is give Kit some lines. “Baby girl!” doesn't count.

Rachel ShelleyStealing money, going to jail, fleeing from jail, returning from fleeing and buying a lesbian nightclub agrees with you, Helena.
So does fringe.

Rose RollinsDear Tasha. Back that thing up. Love, lesbians everywhere.

Still not everyone got the new paper-doll treatment. (Serious, it's custom-made for naughty Photoshopping.) Poor Max, Phyllis and Jodi had their Season 4 promos recycled and Photoshopped to fit the shoot's black is the new black color scheme. I've put them all together, for the sake of expediency and to prove my Photoshopping point. Though, since no one necessarily wants to see this particular threesome, I've left the naughty bit out.

Mama Chaiken did make sure to include a promo shot of herself – in a tank top no less. Sometimes Ilene makes this shit too easy.

Now, before you throw your dog-eared copies of “Lez Girls” at my head, no – there was no promo of Mia Kirshner yet. This is either a simple oversight or a ridiculously unsubtle bit of foreshadowing. But, given the final group shot has both a sunset in the distance and a pool in the foreground, I'm going to assume that “subtle” is not part of the marketing department's vocabulary.

So, ladies, please enjoy. I'm anxiously awaiting your naughty Photoshop creations. Don't let me down, internets.