Showing posts with label Rachel Weisz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rachel Weisz. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

God save the queens

Helen Mirren

God save the queens of England. After watching “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2” last weekend, I reaffirmed my long-simmering Anglophilia. Heavens, the Brits are lovely. First of all, those accents. God damn, those accents. And they’ve got crisp composure about them. You know, that stiff upper lip thing. But then there’s that wonderful juxtaposition that can happen. Those proper accents, that cool exterior and then seemingly out of nowhere the they can say the most shockingly hilarious or absolutely filthy things. It’s the bawdiness under the sophistication that I think I enjoy the most. I mean, any dame who’ll wrap herself in a union jack flag and nothing else at age 65 and look better than most 25 years old doing it, well, that’s a woman you want to share a pint with – preferably more. A few more of my very favorite English lasses. Rule Britannia, baby.

Lena HeadeyAnd now I have to go rewatch “Imagine Me & You,” immediately.

Rachel WeiszOf course she married 007, just look at her.

Shelley ConnSome of you thought I didn’t give Shelley the proper love in the “Nina’s Heavenly Delights” post. Trust me, I love her good and proper.

Helena Bonham CarterSure, Bellatrix is totally evil and batshit crazy. But, admit it, also kinda sexy.

Kate WinsletSuch a pretty face, such a potty mouth.

Alex KingstonWhat I wouldn’t give to roll over and say, “Hello, sweetie.”

Kristin Scott ThomasDon’t you hate it when jam from your crumpet gets on your hand and you have to lick it off slowly? Wait, sorry, got the wrong word again – replace “hate” with “love.”

Julia OrmondI feel forever robbed by Showtime for not giving us a Julia/Eve Best love scene on “Nurse Jackie.”

Emma ThompsonFew people so fully embody a word as Emma does “delightful.”

Emma WatsonI always knew she would grow up, well, perfect.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Gentlemen (and Ladies) Prefer Bookworms

John Waters famously said: “We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.” I could not agree more. Books are sexy motherfuckers. Their straight spines, their crisp pages, their tight bindings. All those bold black letters etched across soft ivory expanses. See, sexy motherfuckers. Like everyone else, I read a lot of my copy from backlit screens these days. But there’s still nothing quite like picking up a real book. The smell of it. The weight of it. Holding something in your hands gives it import. It makes it feel more real. We are a tactile people, after all.

So then, by extension, people who love or at the very least own books are also sexy motherfuckers. Back in the days when I used to watch MTV Cribs (what, don’t judge – I was young and probably drunk), I was always struck by how few of these stars had books. There were 60-inch plasma TVs, but no bookcases. There were double-wide subzero freezers, but no bookcases. There were walls and walls of DVDs and CDs, but no bookcases. People, homes need bookcases. Even if it is just some planks and cinder blocks, it’s a place to put your books.

I’ve long-since run out of bookshelf space for my books. They’re stacked double-deep on most shelves. Granted, these days I too often shamefully fall into the “buy books and let them sit on my nightstand for way too long” category of reader. I sometimes dream of taking a week-long vacation just to read books on my couch. It’s be like back in my grade school days when I spent my entire summer vacation either reading on the porch or going to the library for more books. Oh, those halcyon days of leisurely bookwormhood.

So today, we’re going to celebrate women with really great racks – of books. (Sorry, I had to.) Let’s hear it for the lovely lady libraries. These women, and their bountiful bookcases, more than pass the Waters Test. What can I say, sometimes you need to indulge in a little bit of uninhibited book porn.

Rachel MaddowBooks and a puppy and a cocktail. That’s just straight-up porn for lesbians.

Nigella LawsonMy, Nigella, what big books you have.

Olivia WildeContemporary design and plentiful bookcases. It’s so sexy it’s almost NSFW.

Rachel WeiszI can’t be the only one who wishes she was wearing glasses and her hair up so she could do the sexy librarian head shake for us.

Rita HayworthReading about Abraham Lincoln is totally hot.

Audrey TautouThis isn’t technically her library, but I can’t resist the lovely lines.

MadonnaI don’t think this is Madonna’s library either. But who knows. She can definitely afford to have a room in her house just dedicated to ancient parchments.

Diane KeatonFine, so she isn’t in it right now, but don’t you wish you were?

Ava Gardner Olivia de HavillandAdmit it, old-school Hollywood stars had better lounging-around-to-read clothes.

Marilyn MonroeDid you know she was an avid reader? She had a personal library of over 400 books. Bombshell and bookworm. Be still my heart.

EDIT: Damn, I mixed up my Olivia and Ava reading pictures. Apologies. We will see the lovely Ava another time, I promise.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Vacation Vixen: Rachel Weisz

I’m back in the Midwest this week to attend our family friend’s memorial. So this isn’t really a vacation, per se. But that won’t stop me from posting pretty diversions every day for your viewing enjoyment. Why? Because I care, but also because I can’t help myself. This week I’ve taken inspiration from all of your fantastic Fake TV Wives and will be using your imaginary spouses as my selections. Don’t worry, I’m not poaching – just appreciating. There’s no harm in looking at another woman’s Fake TV Wife, none at all. Especially on Valentine’s Day.

[As always, feel free to follow me while I’m away on Twitter @dorothysnarker.]

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The safety of objects

Women. They are gorgeous, certainly. But just as gorgeous can be their capacity for good. And when they bring their gorgeousness and their goodness together for one project, well, that’s when you have to sit back and admire the view. Now right now I bet you’re looking for a for instance. And boy do I ever have one. The amazing Emma Thompson has proven even more amazing by launching the new website Safe for her upcoming book by the same name. The project shows famous, and in the future unfamous, women photographed in the places they feel most safe. It is a benefit for the Helen Bamber Foundation, a UK human rights group dedicated to helping victims and survivors of human trafficking. Emma has long been an advocate for the group and spoken out against sex trafficking. All sales of the book will go toward the foundation and, as Emma writes, “will help those for whom no safe place exists.”

The pictures are pretty, but the purpose is beautiful. A sneak peek.

The preview also features Vanessa Paradis, Keira Knightley, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Uma Thurman, Julie Christie, Sharon Stone, Minnie Driver, Emily Blunt, Charlotte Rampling, Rosamund Pike, Demi Moore and the entire Richardson clan (including, touchingly, Natasha). Also included in the book will be such heavy hitters as Angelina Jolie, Natalie Portman, Cate Blanchett, Oprah, Catherine Deneuve, Gong Li, Tilda Swinton, Queen Latifah…I could go on and on (check the “see who else is invited” link in the credits). And she wants you. The site solicits submissions from us about the places we feel the safest. To make it into the book, which publishes in the spring, they must be sent by October.

Really, you should just click through the preview and experience it yourself. It is lovely, moving, brilliant. Just be sure to click all the way through past the end of the credits. There’s one last surprise that, while NSFW, is well worth the wait. Now that’s a grand finale. Like I was saying, gorgeous.

UPDATE: The site appears to be temporarily down. So be sure to check back later. (OK, I think it is back up, but if it goes down again, patience. It is worth it.)

Monday, June 7, 2010

Invisible man (and then woman)

You always remember your first. No, not that first. The first film that thoroughly blew your mind. Mine was “Brazil,” the mind fuck from mind-freakilicious director Terry Gilliam. Of course, I was just in grade school and had no idea what the hell was going on. (Yeah, blame my dad who let me watch with him in one of his more questionable parental decisions.) So, and more significantly, the second movie to blow the lid off came almost 10 years later with 1993’s “Orlando.”The movie with Tilda Swinton in a film adaptation of Virginia Woolf bent space, time and gender like no other.

Well now, there just might be another. Rachel Weisz has signed on to star in “Invisible X” as “a man who turns into a woman.” But this isn’t gender bending in the transgender sense, but a “[David] Cronenberg-inspired body horror” film by “Jennifer’s Body” director Karyn Kusama. She described Rachel’s role as “two characters, or essentially two halves of the same character, but she is both male and female.”

If course, the problem is money. The project doesn’t have funding yet and Karyn is working on a rewrite. But Rachel seems committed and I can certainly try to be patient. Because a film about bending gender with Rachel doing the bending is unquestionably worth the wait.

[Hat tip to the always amazing Scribegrrrl!]

Monday, January 4, 2010

Mirror, mirror

A whole new year, a whole new decade. A change to reflect, anew. We like to put importance on certain numbers, days, milestones. The beginning of a year holds the same promise each time – a clear slate, a fresh start. We look back on what has passed. We hope for what lies ahead. And we reflect on what we want, what we really want. Today, I want to look at beautiful women looking at themselves. What? You reflect your way, I’ll reflect mine. Why hello, 2010. My, you look pretty.

Rachel WeiszMia KirshnerHelena Bonham CarterMichelle WilliamsMaggie GyllenhaalLeisha Hailey & Jennifer BealsJulie AndrewsTallulah BankheadChristina RicciOlivia WildeDid you know Olivia’s real last name is “Cockburn.” Yeah, clearly that had to be changed.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Weisz woman

Well hello there, Rachel Weisz. I hear you want to be a lesbian icon. Or, you want to continue being a lesbian icon. My Spanish is a little shaky, but that’s what I was able to glean from your Spanish Vogue cover story. In fact, it says you want to star in a lesbian “Brokeback Mountain.” This is all awesome, clearly. We would love to have you join the esteemed and beloved gay for pay ranks. For reference please see our undying adoration of Lucy Lawless, Lena Headey, and Jennifer Beals, among others.

Now, because you seem keen on maintaining and even improving your dykon status, I will happily pass along five very simple, very critical pointers. Any straight actress wishing to curry good favor with us will have no problems attracting gay ladies as long as they follow these basic guidelines.

1. Play Gay: So simple, but often overlooked. For instance, come on Cate Blanchett – we know you’ve got it in you.
2. Be Cool About It: Never, ever say you had to “get drunk” before a lesbian kissing scene. Instead, make no big deal about it and just compliment your co-star profusely. Admittedly, it helps with the fantasy if you’re holding hands in the interviews. Just a suggestion.
3. Don’t Bi-Bait: Don’t say you “once kissed a girl,” “think women are beautiful,” “could maybe see yourself with another woman” if you don’t mean it. We hate being teased, too. Phony is not hot.
4. Speak Out: Talk about your support of GLBT causes in public. Attend rallies. Better yet, speak at rallies. Make us swoon by saying you won’t get married until everyone can get married. Oh, Charlize Theron. You’re so dreamy.
5. Love Your Fans: Be nice to your lesbian fans. Pose in our dorky pictures and always be polite when we gush about how much we loved you as Xena/Luce/Bette/whathaveyou. We’re harmless and, if treated right, unshakable.
*Extra Credit*
6. Be Gay: Granted, this one isn’t always possible. You can’t help being born straight, poor thing. But if you are, by chance, inclined to love the ladies then say it loud and say it proud. Seriously, we’ll grovel at your feet forever.

So, there you have it. A fool-proof path to permanent lesbian icon status. You’re welcome, Rachel. If you’re thinking of ways to thank me, I’d be happy to stand in as your lady-kissing practice partner. Like I said, I’m a giver.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Suck it, Monday

I know I should wait until Thursday, I know I should. I mean, if Tilda Swinton isn’t the living, breathing embodiment of Gender Fuck Thursday, then the words have no meaning to me anymore. But, sometimes you need a little of Thursday (or even Wednesday or on those most terrible of weeks Tuesday) on Monday. Granted, it would be greedy to wish for a Friday on Monday. But, what the hell, I’m a greedy fucking bastard. You know what else I’m greedy about? Beautiful women being beautiful. And, for the photo snob in me, it helps it they’re being beautiful in black and white. See? Greedy.

Old School TildaIf I was that horse, I’d lick her, too.

Marion CotillardBoy may not, but this girl definitely makes passes at girls who wear glasses.

Helen MirrenNever mind that other Lady, meet Dame Gaga.

Cate BlanchettMaking a joyful noise never looked so joyful.

Rachel WeiszI’ll let you know when I regain the ability to speak…

Pam GrierWhen all else fails, just beat the shit out of Monday until it complies.