God save the queens of England. After watching “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2” last weekend, I reaffirmed my long-simmering Anglophilia. Heavens, the Brits are lovely. First of all, those accents. God damn, those accents. And they’ve got crisp composure about them. You know, that stiff upper lip thing. But then there’s that wonderful juxtaposition that can happen. Those proper accents, that cool exterior and then seemingly out of nowhere the they can say the most shockingly hilarious or absolutely filthy things. It’s the bawdiness under the sophistication that I think I enjoy the most. I mean, any dame who’ll wrap herself in a union jack flag and nothing else at age 65 and look better than most 25 years old doing it, well, that’s a woman you want to share a pint with – preferably more. A few more of my very favorite English lasses. Rule Britannia, baby.
Lena HeadeyAnd now I have to go rewatch “Imagine Me & You,” immediately.
Rachel WeiszOf course she married 007, just look at her.
Shelley ConnSome of you thought I didn’t give Shelley the proper love in the “Nina’s Heavenly Delights” post. Trust me, I love her good and proper.
Helena Bonham CarterSure, Bellatrix is totally evil and batshit crazy. But, admit it, also kinda sexy.
Kate WinsletSuch a pretty face, such a potty mouth.
Alex KingstonWhat I wouldn’t give to roll over and say, “Hello, sweetie.”
Kristin Scott ThomasDon’t you hate it when jam from your crumpet gets on your hand and you have to lick it off slowly? Wait, sorry, got the wrong word again – replace “hate” with “love.”
Julia OrmondI feel forever robbed by Showtime for not giving us a Julia/Eve Best love scene on “Nurse Jackie.”
Emma ThompsonFew people so fully embody a word as Emma does “delightful.”
Emma WatsonI always knew she would grow up, well, perfect.
Wow, thems were some gay Emmys. Yes, indeedy. From Jane Lynch to “Modern Family” to that all-singing, all-spectacular Gleetastic opening number, the show was a merry and gay affair. Now, digesting the full magnitude of a major award show always takes me two days. The first day is to go over the nuts and bolts of who won this and who said that. Then the second day I can just sit back and devour the pretty. And, kittens, there was so much pretty. Let’s start with the gay gals and their lady loves (sorry, I can’t say lovers – to quote my favorite Emmy loser Tina Fey, “that word bums me out unless it’s between the words ‘meat’ and ‘pizza.’”) and then we’ll progress to the straight gals. But no matter where they stood on the Kinsey Scale, a whole lotta ladies were acting like gay gals at the Emmys. Can you blame them, I mean, we are pretty awesome.
GGALGG
Jane Lynch & Lara EmbryThe love, it burns! I love them together. I love that Jane kissed Lara when she won. I love that she also said “I love you my wife, Lara” on stage. You want to know why gay marriage matters? This is why gay marriage matters. Love. Wanda & Alex SykesThey look like a fresco of Greek goddesses painted onto an ancient wall somewhere being uncovered by an archeologist who thrills with each brush stroke as she carefully reveals their beauty from underneath centuries of earth and time. Sorry, let me amend that, a smoking hot fresco of Greek goddesses. Hot damn, those girls – and Alex and Wanda look good, too. SGALGG
Tina Fey & Mariska HargitayThis is becoming like a thing between these two. It is like the mere sight of each other in sleek, sparkly gowns is too much for them to take and then that hand goes from firmly around the waist to, well, firmly everywhere. Maybe Mariska and Tina are the real-life Alex and Olivia. Ship that, people. [Hat tip, Allegra!]
Sofia Vergara & Julie BowenIf you thought Mariska had a firm grip on Tina, check out Julie’s grip on Sofia . You’d need the Jaws of Life to get her hand off of her. Plus dude in the back is totally, “Hell, yeah.”
Claire Danes & Julia Ormond Claire looks like she has had a bit too much champagne and has just whispered “Take me home” into Julia’s ear. Also, shoot Julia, where have you been hiding all that gorgeous these last few years?
Christina Hendricks & January JonesI want to say something terribly witty about how they look together, but I’ve forgotten how to form words.
Toni Collette & Julia Louis DreyfusI like to think that the Emmy losers console each other backstage. And by “console,” I mean “make out.”
Padma Lakshmi & Gail SimmonsWhen people say food porn, this is what they’re picturing.
Heather Morris & Naya Rivera Brittana, you’ve got me wrapped around whichever finger you want to use in whatever situation you feel like using it. Ahem.
Mariana Klaveno, Kristin Bauer & Anna PaquinThe Bill-Sookie-Eric sandwich isn’t the only threesome worth talking about on “True Blood.” Not by a long shot.
Amy Poehler, Aubrey Plaza & Tina FeySpeaking of threesomes, gay sexy vampires aren’t the only ones who look good having them. Let’s make this “30 Rock” meets “Parks and Recreation” very special crossover happen.
Archie Panjabi & the Emmy statuetteShe is going to take it behind the garage door and get it pregnant, Tracy Jordan style.
Bonus I: Best. Emmy. Picture. Ever.Tina Fey, Amy Poehler & Jon Hamm dancing their asses off. I’ll be honest, that’s a threesome I could totally get behind, too.
Bonus II: Best. Tina. Video. Ever. After dancing her ass off with Amy and Jon while downing what I can only assume was copious amounts of champagne, Tina goes to find her limo. God, that giggle. That hair.
What it looks like when New York gets drunk, y’all. Suck it, nerds!
If you went to movies in the mid-90s, you probably left a theater more than once thinking Julia Ormond was the most beautiful woman in the world. She has the kind of face that statues envy. There is something so classically British about her, that combination of strength and refinement. Also, I’m a sucker for that dark-hair, pale-skin combo (blame Wonder Woman those damn hot pants). For a moment in the 90s it seemed Julia would be our next great big screen heroine. She starred alongside the biggest boys in the business: Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, Richard Gere, Sean Connery. And then, like a puff of smoke, she was gone.
Of course she wasn’t really gone, she just stopped being the flavor of the month. But she never stopped being talented or gorgeous. In fact, over the years her beauty has deepened. And again, in true British fashion, she has let time ripen her instead of fought it needle and scalpel. Those lines are earned, they speak of past loves and lessons learned. Experience, my friends, is sexy. It means you know things, have seen things, are good at things. One of those things is flirting with Eve Best on “Nurse Jackie.” The scene from this week’s episode crackled with delicious sexual tension. See, she’s still got it. Happy weekend, all.
News flash: Humans age. Sure, vampires are all the rage in Hollywood these days. But vampires are make believe and humans are real. And, because it bears repeating, we age. Yet somehow the cult of vampirish, anti-aging, baby butt-faced, immobilized-brow lovers in Hollywood keeps on growing. Which is yet another reason I love the Brits.
You see, British women, by and large, act their age. And more to the point, they look their age. Why? Because they don’t fuck with their faces. I was reminded of this when looking up photos of the luminous Julia Ormond to post about her replacement on “Three Rivers”, Kate Moennig’s new medical drama. (p.s. Pull back on the Photoshop, CBS, seriously.) Seeing Julia’s un-nipped, un-tucked, un-stretched face was a bit of a revelation. Julia Ormond is 44. Julia looks 44. And Julia at 44 is fan-fucking-tastic.
Take that certain age and flaunt it, ladies: [Click to wallow in wondrous wrinkles.]
Julia Ormond, 44Olivia Williams, 41Helena Bonham Carter, 43Kristin Scott Thomas, 49Emma Thompson, 50Charlotte Rampling, 63Helen Mirren, 64
Granted, all these women are ridiculously genetically gifted. But what makes them even more sublime is that those little lines, they’re earned. Life leaves a mark and it looks great on your face.
And now I have to go rewatch “Imagine Me & You,” immediately.
Of course she married 007, just look at her.
Some of you thought I didn’t give Shelley the proper love in the “Nina’s Heavenly Delights” post. Trust me, I love her good and proper.
Sure, Bellatrix is totally evil and batshit crazy. But, admit it, also kinda sexy.
Such a pretty face, such a potty mouth.
What I wouldn’t give to roll over and say, “Hello, sweetie.”
Don’t you hate it when jam from your crumpet gets on your hand and you have to lick it off slowly? Wait, sorry, got the wrong word again – replace “hate” with “love.”
I feel forever robbed by Showtime for not giving us a Julia/Eve Best love scene on “Nurse Jackie.”
Few people so fully embody a word as Emma does “delightful.”
I always knew she would grow up, well, perfect.
