God save the queens

God save the queens of England. After watching “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2” last weekend, I reaffirmed my long-simmering Anglophilia. Heavens, the Brits are lovely. First of all, those accents. God damn, those accents. And they’ve got crisp composure about them. You know, that stiff upper lip thing. But then there’s that wonderful juxtaposition that can happen. Those proper accents, that cool exterior and then seemingly out of nowhere the they can say the most shockingly hilarious or absolutely filthy things. It’s the bawdiness under the sophistication that I think I enjoy the most. I mean, any dame who’ll wrap herself in a union jack flag and nothing else at age 65 and look better than most 25 years old doing it, well, that’s a woman you want to share a pint with – preferably more. A few more of my very favorite English lasses. Rule Britannia, baby.

Lena HeadeyAnd now I have to go rewatch “Imagine Me & You,” immediately.

Rachel WeiszOf course she married 007, just look at her.

Shelley ConnSome of you thought I didn’t give Shelley the proper love in the “Nina’s Heavenly Delights” post. Trust me, I love her good and proper.

Helena Bonham CarterSure, Bellatrix is totally evil and batshit crazy. But, admit it, also kinda sexy.

Kate WinsletSuch a pretty face, such a potty mouth.

Alex KingstonWhat I wouldn’t give to roll over and say, “Hello, sweetie.”

Kristin Scott ThomasDon’t you hate it when jam from your crumpet gets on your hand and you have to lick it off slowly? Wait, sorry, got the wrong word again – replace “hate” with “love.”

Julia OrmondI feel forever robbed by Showtime for not giving us a Julia/Eve Best love scene on “Nurse Jackie.”

Emma ThompsonFew people so fully embody a word as Emma does “delightful.”

Emma WatsonI always knew she would grow up, well, perfect.

Mirren mouth

How fucking delightful is Helen Mirren? So fucking delightful. We already knew the great dame was up for almost anything – a little lady motorboating here, a little lady snogging there. But what really, really fucking delight me about Helen is her propensity to swear. As I’ve said before, I fucking love a woman who swears.

This week she slipped up on a live BBC morning show and had the most delightful (yes, I’m know I’m using that word a lot – but it’s really fucking true) response.

Of course, this is not the mighty Mirren’s first time cocking up with curse words on live TV. .

And the most delightful thing is that she doesn’t even need to resort to dirty words to be dirty. Or, more accurately, diiiiiiirty.

Oh, Helen. Please talk dirty to me whenever you want.

SGALGG: Gay Globes Edition

Whew, what a night. And by “what a night,” I mean I think only Tina Fey escaped without being hilariously insulted by Ricky Gervais. It was a night of super gay triumphs – “The Kids Are All Right,” “Glee.” Heck, Natalie Portman even gave Mila Kunis a special award for her “sweet lips.” All in all, it was a good night for Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gays. It was also a good night for Straight Gals and Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays and plain-old Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays. The Globes really were gay.

SGALGG

Tilda Swinton & Helen MirrenThat hug makes me swoon in the deepest parts of my heart.

Tilda Swinton & Claire DanesTilda, you dog! Does Helen know?

Busy Philipps & Michelle WilliamsThey look like they were just telling each other secrets. Preferably naughty ones.

Amber Riley & Lea MicheleMerBerry?

Naya Rivera & Heather MorrisRyan Murphy, open your eyes.

Piper Perabo & Her PonytailThat’s 1,000 bonus gay girl points for Piper.

Tina Fey & Her NBC PromoShe called her friendship with Amy Poehler, “like Oprah and Gayle, only we’re not denying anything.”

Annette Bening & Julianne MooreThe way Annette is squinting and Julianne is crouching, it’s like they’re still in character as Nic and Jules.

SGGGALGG

Annette Bening & Lisa CholodenkoAnnette is so method, she’s even starting to experience lesbian twin syndrome with Lisa.

Angelina Jolie & Amy PascalEven the high-powered Sony Pictures Entertainment Co-Chairman is doing her best to make a pass at Angie.


GGALGG

Lisa Cholodenko & Wendy MelvoinI wonder if they shared their hair product with Annette.

Jane Lynch & Lara EmbryThis is what a big scary gay marriage looks like, America. Tremble at its adorability.

Santana & BrittanyClearly they’re in character here. Later, they’ll practice scissoring.

For a full Golden Globes recap, check AfterEllen later today.

Never cross a dame

Helen, Helen. Even when you’re cross you’re hot. You’re right to be cross. In fact, I like it when a lady is a little cranky sometimes. It shows she cares enough to hate what’s wrong with the world. Or, you know, just people in general. I totally get that. So when you answered The Hollywood Reporter’s question about how it makes you feel to be a role model for having sex appeal in your 60s like this, I can’t help but swoon.

“A bit cross, actually. We have to let go of this crap. It creates even more pressure on women, and I certainly don’t want to be a part of that. I’m not beautiful; I clean up nice. Why don’t we talk about the fact, for example, that I just did Arthur, and the cinematographer was a woman, the film operator was a woman, the whole camera team were women? That’s where we should be putting our attention. The fact that I look good at the age I am is bloody irrelevant.”

True and hot. I agree, the never-ending focus on women’s appearance at every age adds to the pressure to be, look, conform to some kind of idealized, unattainable beauty standard. But I also think it’s great to celebrate beauty in all its forms: any size, any age, any race. And, sometimes you just can’t fight the hot.

At The Hollywood Reporter’s annual Women in Entertainment breakfast yesterday, Helen took home the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award. Coincidentally, this is the same award Jodie Foster won in 2007 and finally publicly thanked her then longtime partner Cydney Bernard as “my beautiful Cydney.” Helen accepted her speech with her normal saucy humor and take-no-bullshit attitude. But first, she had to hike up her Spanx.

Helen, Helen. What is hot is not just the fact that you clean up well but that your mind is so clear. OK, it’s also hot when you SGALGG a little with Halle Berry. But mostly the mind thing. Mostly.

Trust us, Helen, no one here will ever “worship at the altar of the 18 to 25-year-old male and his penis.” But we will happily worship at yours. Always.

Cocktail hour

Emma Thompson got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame last weekend. So, naturally, she celebrated with a pint and a pig. Naturally. Now, my love for Emma is unwavering. She may falter at times, but her heart is always unquestionably in the right place – even when she is talking smack about Audrey Hepburn. She is among those celebrities I put in my “I’d love to have a beer with” category. I mean, wouldn’t she be a blast at the bar? These are the folks whose big, magnificent brains and bubbly, radiant sense of fun make them the perfect candidates for a cocktail, or six.

Emma ThompsonSuch a pity her Safe website is still down. That last picture of her would have been a real conversation starter.

Helen MirrenIf you think she is a saucy minx sober, just wait until you get a couple cocktails into her.

Wanda SykesMy only worry is I’d laugh so hard I’d pee my pants, especially after a few drinks.

Rachel MaddowI believe it’s a life goal to taste a drink mixed by the master.

Jane LynchThat stuff I said about Wanda, ditto.

Leisha HaileyAnd if she brought along Kate Moennig and Erin Daniels, all the better.

Hillary ClintonOh, Hill. I will buy you a drink anyplace, anytime, anywhere. Standing offer, forever.

The safety of objects

Women. They are gorgeous, certainly. But just as gorgeous can be their capacity for good. And when they bring their gorgeousness and their goodness together for one project, well, that’s when you have to sit back and admire the view. Now right now I bet you’re looking for a for instance. And boy do I ever have one. The amazing Emma Thompson has proven even more amazing by launching the new website Safe for her upcoming book by the same name. The project shows famous, and in the future unfamous, women photographed in the places they feel most safe. It is a benefit for the Helen Bamber Foundation, a UK human rights group dedicated to helping victims and survivors of human trafficking. Emma has long been an advocate for the group and spoken out against sex trafficking. All sales of the book will go toward the foundation and, as Emma writes, “will help those for whom no safe place exists.”

The pictures are pretty, but the purpose is beautiful. A sneak peek.

The preview also features Vanessa Paradis, Keira Knightley, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Uma Thurman, Julie Christie, Sharon Stone, Minnie Driver, Emily Blunt, Charlotte Rampling, Rosamund Pike, Demi Moore and the entire Richardson clan (including, touchingly, Natasha). Also included in the book will be such heavy hitters as Angelina Jolie, Natalie Portman, Cate Blanchett, Oprah, Catherine Deneuve, Gong Li, Tilda Swinton, Queen Latifah…I could go on and on (check the “see who else is invited” link in the credits). And she wants you. The site solicits submissions from us about the places we feel the safest. To make it into the book, which publishes in the spring, they must be sent by October.

Really, you should just click through the preview and experience it yourself. It is lovely, moving, brilliant. Just be sure to click all the way through past the end of the credits. There’s one last surprise that, while NSFW, is well worth the wait. Now that’s a grand finale. Like I was saying, gorgeous.

UPDATE: The site appears to be temporarily down. So be sure to check back later. (OK, I think it is back up, but if it goes down again, patience. It is worth it.)

Tank Top Tuesday

So the dog days are definitely here. July threw down a sweltering gauntlet and I’ve never known August as a month to back down from a challenge. I expect sun. I expect warmth. Basically, I expect to sweat. So, then, what’s a gal – like poor, sweaty, sticky, glistening Gillian Anderson – supposed to do to beat the heat? Well, for one, a tank top helps. But I’m sure I can do better in the helpful advice department. What can I say? I’m a giver.

Emily DeschanelSpending a day at the beach is always a cool option.

Ashley GreenePulling at one’s clothing will help unstick them from your body.

Helen MirrenSitting near an open window will help you catch a breeze.

Katee Sackhoff & Tricia HelferRiding a motorcycle will really help you catch a breeze.

Michelle Rodriguez & companionSharing a cold beverage with a friend will cool down your core.

BeyoncéWearing short-shorts will cool your lower body.

Sigourney WeaverWearing just your skivvies will cool your whole body.

Carla Gugino

Jumping into the pool will bring down your temperature instantly.

Ashleigh Sumner, Cathy DeBuono & Jill BennettWhen all else fails, just make things hotter.
[Via “And Then Came Lola.”]

So, there you have it. Some simple, fool-proof ways to keep cool this August. Or was that hot? Either way, always wear a tank top.