Tank Top Tuesday: Global Warming Edition

It’s been an unusually warm winter out here in California. Granted, it’s California. So it’s always going to be warmer in the winter than, say, Minnesota. But still, even for the Golden State it’s a little nuts. Especially up here in Northern California. I mean, it’s supposed to hit the 70s this week. It’s still February, right? I know this should probably be wringing my hands about global warming and our carbon emissions. And – don’t worry, Al Gore – I totally do. But I’m also a tiny bit selfishly grateful for our depleted ozone layer. Because it means ladies are going to break out the tank tops that much faster. Hey, don’t judge me. I recycle.

Troian Bellisario

I’m so behind on my “Pretty Little Liars.” Is Spencer gay yet? Because she should be.

Lena HeadeyRemember when Lena was on that show about robots from the future and she ran around in a lot of tank tops. Yeah, me too.

Olivia WildeRemember when Olivia was on that show about teenagers from The O.C. and she made out with Mischa Barton? Yeah, me too.

Maria BelloOh, “Prime Suspect,” you could have been so damn good.

Halle BerryIt’s been 10 years since she won her Oscar. I know, that is blowing my mind too.

Mila KunisMore movies where you make out with Natalie Portman. Less movies where you make out with Justin Tumberlake. Oh, and don’t even consider making out with Ashton Kutcher again, honey.

Charlize TheronEvery time I see her in a tank top I think, “You know what, $140,000 for a kiss might even be a little low.”

Michelle RodriguezIf I had a dollar for each time Michelle gave a camera this look I’d be able to buy everyone of you a tank top, and then some.

Hope Solo

OK, OK – this isn’t “technically” a tank top. But it sure makes me appreciate warm weather. Also sweat. Also abs. Mmmm, abs.

Right, so maybe our carbon footprint isn’t looking so great. But until the rising oceans swallow all the land, I’m going to enjoy this silver lining while I can.

Hello, 60 percent

So last week, this splashy headline came out that said “More than half of women are attracted to other women!” Hallelujah! Praise lesbian Jesus! All our dry spells are over. We have a better than 50-50 change of scoring with that cute brunette at the bar. Go get ‘em, tigers.

I mean, who wouldn’t be attracted to other women?

Women look like this.

And like this.

Also this.

Or this.

Other times that.

And even a little of this and that.

Of course, the reality is this news probably will not improve our ability to pick up hot straight chicks. The original report came from the UK’s Daily Mail, a publication notorious for loving sensational headlines and fuzzy math. That article about a Boise State study by a professor Elizabeth Morgan that was published in the Journal of Sex Research said that “60 percent (of heterosexual women) were sexually attracted to other women; 45 percent had kissed a woman and 50 per cent had fantasies about the same sex.” But, again, it’s the Daily Mail. So, you know, please feel free to chug your salt shaker.

Doing a little research of my own, I did indeed find a real study published in the Journal of Sex Research by a Elizabeth M. Morgan, a Boise State psychology professor, that looks at sexual orientation questioning among heterosexual women ages 18 to 23. The number of women in the study was different than the Daily Mail’s numbers (study: 333, Daily Mail: 484) and findings seem a little different. The real study found that “67 percent of exclusively heterosexual respondents indicated having thought about and/or questioned their sexual orientation.” Of those who have questioned their orientation, the questioning behavior broke down as “unelaborated questioning (19 percent), other-sex experiences (16 percent), exposure to sexual minorities (26 percent), assessment of same-sex attraction (48 percent) and evaluations of same-sex behavior (26 percent).”

Now I can’t be 100 percent sure these are the same studies, because of the differences in sample sizes and report percentages. (Prof. Morgan’s full article is only available for purchase and while I want to prove a point, and I don’t really care so much that I feel like shelling out $34.) And, even if it is the same study, the fairly small participant pool means I wouldn’t go making a bunch of universal proclamations based on it alone.

But, still, it adds research to that long-assumed truth that women are more sexually fluid than men. Or, at the very least, women are more willing and comfortable with being honest about their sexual fluidity. Or maybe we should just chalk it up to college. Besides learning how to shotgun a beer and sleep with your eyes open, students pretty much major in sexual experimentation during those years of academic excellence. This is also where that beer shotgunning thing can come in handy.

In the end, we don’t really need a study (or a fake study) to tell us that while we may not be able to hook up with all these some 60 percent of straight gal, we know they’re at least taking a look at us ladies. How could they not? I mean, look at us.

UPDATE: Wow, ask the universe and it delivers. I now am in possession of seven (SEVEN) copies of Prof. Morgan’s report. So looks like I’ll have some light reading to do this week. Thank you, thank you, kittens. You are, continually, the best.

SGALGG: Lesbian Oscars Edition

God, did you make it through all 127 hours of the Oscars telecast? Did anyone find James Franco’s personality? Or, better yet, could he have just shared whatever he was smoking with all of us. That way it would have been a much more enjoyable experience for all parties involved. Though, despite the show falling in its desperate attempt to be young and breaking its hipness, there were still some quality Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals moments. I mean, the show’s one conscious host Anne Hathaway herself called it “a great year for lesbians.”

Michelle Willliams & Busy PhillipsBusy was Michele’s date for the Oscars, and they even arrived holding hands. Someone needs to give them a portmanteau tout de suite.

Gwyneth Paltrow & Cameron DiazI can’t tell if I’m more excited by the SGALGGy hug or the arm porn. Probably both.

Sandra Bullock & Halle BerryI will pay good money to whoever has the next photo in this sequence. Kiss her you fool!

Marisa Tomei & Melissa LeoMarisa looks like she’s about to jump into Melissa’s arms. And then, in my head, they do the dramatic lift from “Dirty Dancing.”

Selena Gomez & Taylor SwiftWhile the Bieber kid looks more lesbian, Selena and Taylor make a cuter couple.

Leslie Mann, Emma Stone & Jennifer WestfeldtThe best thing about this picture is how badly Judd Apatow wants to make this a foursome and how defiantly the ladies are keeping it a threesome.

Rosario Dawson & Jennifer HudsonWhat I would not give to hear a “Take Me or Leave Me” duet between those two.

Reese Witherspoon & Elizabeth BanksI’m assuming Reese just said something absolutely filthy about what she was going to do with that finger and Elizabeth approves.

Anne HathawayIf only Anne had hosted with herself and her tuxedoed self, instead of James Franco. It would have been so much more entertaining, and hot.

Lea Michele & Dianna AgronI particularly love how they both look like they’ve been caught in the act. Busted, Achele, busted.

GGALGG Bonus: Lora Hirschberg & her wife LauraOut lesbian sound mixer Lora Hirschberg won for Inception and got a smooch on her way to the stage.

OK, Anne Hathaway, you were right. It was a great year for lesbians, or at least lesbian behavior.

p.s. Check out my full Oscar recap over at AfterEllen.

Never cross a dame

Helen, Helen. Even when you’re cross you’re hot. You’re right to be cross. In fact, I like it when a lady is a little cranky sometimes. It shows she cares enough to hate what’s wrong with the world. Or, you know, just people in general. I totally get that. So when you answered The Hollywood Reporter’s question about how it makes you feel to be a role model for having sex appeal in your 60s like this, I can’t help but swoon.

“A bit cross, actually. We have to let go of this crap. It creates even more pressure on women, and I certainly don’t want to be a part of that. I’m not beautiful; I clean up nice. Why don’t we talk about the fact, for example, that I just did Arthur, and the cinematographer was a woman, the film operator was a woman, the whole camera team were women? That’s where we should be putting our attention. The fact that I look good at the age I am is bloody irrelevant.”

True and hot. I agree, the never-ending focus on women’s appearance at every age adds to the pressure to be, look, conform to some kind of idealized, unattainable beauty standard. But I also think it’s great to celebrate beauty in all its forms: any size, any age, any race. And, sometimes you just can’t fight the hot.

At The Hollywood Reporter’s annual Women in Entertainment breakfast yesterday, Helen took home the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award. Coincidentally, this is the same award Jodie Foster won in 2007 and finally publicly thanked her then longtime partner Cydney Bernard as “my beautiful Cydney.” Helen accepted her speech with her normal saucy humor and take-no-bullshit attitude. But first, she had to hike up her Spanx.

Helen, Helen. What is hot is not just the fact that you clean up well but that your mind is so clear. OK, it’s also hot when you SGALGG a little with Halle Berry. But mostly the mind thing. Mostly.

Trust us, Helen, no one here will ever “worship at the altar of the 18 to 25-year-old male and his penis.” But we will happily worship at yours. Always.

Tank Top Tuesday

I realize now I probably committed an unacceptable, unconscionable, unforgiveable crime against tank tops yesterday with my initial photo choice. Is there an apology big enough to atone for that sin? Can my sense of sexy be redeemed? Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking? I cannot answer these questions. I can, however, grovel at the feet of Teh Hot and ask humbly for its forgiveness. I think Halle Berry is a good start. As for the rest of my mea culpa, it goes a little something like this.

Angelina JoliePadma LakshmiPortia de RossiSandra BullockJenny ShimizuTricia Helfer, Lucy Lawless, Grace ParkLaura SánchezI haven’t seen “Los hombres de Paco” yet. Clearly, I am an idiot.

So, is all forgiven? Well, can I at least stop sleeping on the couch?

Tank Top Tuesday

A month? It has been a month since last we lasciviously luxuriated on the loveliness that is ladies in tank tops? What was I thinking? Where was my head? Why, oh the humanity, why? Sheesh, in my absent-mindedness I also totally missed the first anniversary of Tank Top Tuesday. Gosh, was it really only a year ago we first came together (ahem) to celebrate The Hot? Let me grovel my apologies in the only way I know how – by going back to the beginning. Ladies, the plain white tank top. The plain white tank top, ladies. And, just to class things up, it's black and whites of ladies in plain white tank tops. Plus, this way it seems less like objectification and more like art appreciation – really hot art.

Charlize TheronHalle BerryMaria BelloJenny ShimizuCarla GuginoFranka PotenteElizabeth HurleyAmy Adams

If I may be so presumptuous, I think that I'm forgiven.

Click the pain away

Whenever the universe confounds me, I do what any sensible, adult, educated human being does. I watch a bunch of silly videos until I feel better. It's been another one of those weeks here at Casa Surrenders. So, let's go to the video tape! Well, actually it's online streaming video, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it.

1-900-OKFACE

Oh, lord. My apologies to my international friends, but I had to post it. I had to.

Motorized Barstool. No, Seriously.

If you could bottle Rachel's glee and sell it, I would be first in line.

Halle Does The Halle

Halle Berry dancing. That is all.

A Muppet And A Fat Guy

Click play. Die laughing. Click replay. Die laughing some more. Click replay again. You get the picture.

Eat Your Carrots

The skill and gusto with which Glenn Close stuffs carrots into her mouth is a truly, truly Oscar worthy.

OK, your turn. Share your guaranteed cheerer-upper videos below. Heavens knows, we could all use them.