Lez Chat

So this Saturday night I shot pool, went bowling and played a round of mini-golf. It was a real hat trick of lesbian recreational activities. I feel like if I also played softball, field hockey and perhaps basketball (or tennis, depending on your inclination) that same night, I might have set some sort of homosexual sporting record. So with that in mind, I thought I’d get this week started by celebrating in our shared lesbian tendencies. And what better way to do that than to make a call to the Lez Chat line? I have no idea how this little gem slipped my attention last summer (actually, I do – that’s when I was on vacation in Europe), but I’m very happy to be able to bring it to you now. This little clip also makes for an excellent game of Spot the Lesbian Icon.

Kate Moennig, Clea DuVall, Lucy Lawless and Sandra Bernhard, on my!

p.s. Um, Kate, I like recycling and cuddling, and I’d never let a real cat get out of a real house. Just saying.

Photobomb the system

Grab your flak jacket. Throw on a helmet. It’s time to get photobombed. One of my favorite photos from this year’s Emmys wasn’t a SGALGG moment (because there were precious few to be found, and trust me I looked). No, it was an explosively awesome photobomb by my No. 1 Fake TV Wife Tina Fey. While one might say I am predisposed to think everything Tina does is explosively awesome (and one would be right), I think even under the casual, objective observer would be hard pressed to think differently. Tina photobombing Amy Poehler, Martha Plimpton and Mark Burnett at the Governor’s Ball ranks among my all-time favorite celebrity photobombs. But, of course, there are others. So in the spirit of silliness, please enjoy a few of my favorite celebrity photobombs. Beware celebrities: No matter how hard you pose, another celebrity might sneak in and drop a hilarity grenade.

Sasha Alexander by Edoardo PontiGetting photobombed by your husband? Awkward.

Lucy Lawless & Rob Tapert by Renee O'ConnorGabrielle photobombing Xena? That has to be the start of a fan-fic somewhere.

Taylor Swift by Daniel CraigThis photobomb is shaken, not stirred.

Justin Timberlake & Olivia Wilde by Hugh LaurieHouse has about a million N’Sync jokes running through his head.

Catherine Zeta-Jones & Angelina Jolie by Michael DouglasThis is less of a photobomb and more of a wishful thinking.

Perez Hilton & Amber Riley by Lea MicheleSee, Lea doesn’t always pose for photos the same way.

Sandra Oh & Thomas Haden Church by Paul GiamattiPaul did this because they made him drink Merlot.

Ang Lee & Uma Thurman by Jake GyllenhaalOne of the all-time classic photobombs. Drink responsibly, kids.

Tina Fey by her daughter, AliceWhat can I say, like mother, like daughter.

p.s. “Parks & Recreation” is back tonight on NBC, so watch it y’all or Ron Swanson will photobomb all your future formal portraits.

What geekery is this?

True story: I loved action figures as a kid. I know, not to surprising given my overall continued tomboy tendencies. But I LOVED them. I could play quietly for hours, lost in my own fantasy world where my Han Solo figure bickered with my Buck Rogers figure and Princess Leia went ahead and rescued Superman instead. My childhood fantasy world was kind of awesome. But being a geek then was different than being a geek now. Now it has a cache. Geeks, like bowties – if you ask The Doctor, are cool. But then, geeks were geeks. So it’s with a slightly bemused sense of satisfaction when I watched all the pretty ladies clamor to get their geek on last weekend weekend at Comic-Con.

So in celebration of everyone’s inner and outer geek, here are some lovely ladies getting geeky. Geekery, it’s not just for geeks anymore.

Alyson Hannigan

Willow will always be my favorite geek. Always.

Anna TorvThese should be Special Agent Olivia Dunham action figures, but otherwise, perfect.

Lucy LawlessWhen lesbian subtext and geek fandom collides.

Anika Noni RoseSo this is kind of more of a “doll,” but Anika looks so happy to be holding herself it’s pretty geeky.

Meryl StreepThis is her “Fantastic Mr. Fox” figure. If there was a real Meryl Streep action figure I would buy two. One to keep new in the box and another to play with. Wait, that sounded weird. Good.

Elizabeth MitchellThese aren’t technically action figures either, but getting this excited about your cake doppelgangers is's adorageeky.

Yvonne StrahovskiAlso, not an action figure. But it’s a light saber. So, you know, even better.

Sarah Michelle GellarBuffy is using Darth Vader as an armrest. Your argument is invalid.

Felicia DayIf Felicia in a squid hat doesn’t brighten your day, then you are probably not a geek.

Natalie PortmanGeeks and politics, two great things that go great together.

Karen GillanNow that is how you play with action figures.

Britt Robertson, Maggie Q, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jennifer Morrison & Anna TorvI don’t know who Britt Robertson is, but otherwise, GEEKGASM.

Check out the special Comic-Con issue of The Hollywood Reporter for more on Sarah, Anna, Yvonne, Maggie et al.

Tank Top Tuesday

I realize now I probably committed an unacceptable, unconscionable, unforgiveable crime against tank tops yesterday with my initial photo choice. Is there an apology big enough to atone for that sin? Can my sense of sexy be redeemed? Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking? I cannot answer these questions. I can, however, grovel at the feet of Teh Hot and ask humbly for its forgiveness. I think Halle Berry is a good start. As for the rest of my mea culpa, it goes a little something like this.

Angelina JoliePadma LakshmiPortia de RossiSandra BullockJenny ShimizuTricia Helfer, Lucy Lawless, Grace ParkLaura SánchezI haven’t seen “Los hombres de Paco” yet. Clearly, I am an idiot.

So, is all forgiven? Well, can I at least stop sleeping on the couch?

From L to X

Dear Mama Chaiken,

Sometimes, when you get it right you get it so right. Sure I've bitched. Sure I've moaned (both the good and bad kinds, ahem). But today when I read, straight from Xena's chakram, that none other than Lucy Lawless was going to make an appearance on the final season of “The L Word” I almost forgave you for all your transgressions. (Well, not Dana, I'll never forgive you for Dana. Or the floating words. Or the inexplicable character personality whiplash between seasons...wait, wasn't I forgiving you?)

But, hello, inspired casting. To have Xena and Bette on the same show? Now that's an Alpha Lesbian pairing for the ages. I mean it, that might almost be too much for our little gay brains to compute. You might hear heads exploding all across the globe. Talk about la mort heureuse.

Sure, we don't know the specifics yet. Lucy just told us to look for her “on The L Word at some point.” But she couldn't tell us anything about it because “it's deep in the closet.” That wording has to be ironic. Look, I'll tell you right now that Lucy and Jennifer Beals better share some screen time. That's just mandatory. In fact, she better meet and mingle with the entire cast. And, as a special favor, can you have her bring the breast plate? What? I had to ask.

So, many thanks for spreading lesbionic joy among the masses. And, just in case you still have a guest spot left for yet another dykon next season, might I suggest – oh, dream of dreams – Jodie Foster. Heck, if you can get Jodie I'll even forgive you for the Dana thing. Think about it.

With love (and sometimes hate),
Ms. Snarker

p.s. While I'm a tad miffed you didn't tell me this gaytastic news in person, a big Warrior Princess sword tip to The Gentleman for relaying it instead.

Bitch, please

What you are about to see is wrong. What you are about to see is very wrong. What you are about to see is very, very wrong. Well, that is, unless you happen to be one of those people who enjoys breasts, nudity, fights, explosions and hot women kissing. With that said, please click play.

OH. MY. GOD. That was awesome, er, I mean wrong. That was incredibly awesome, sorry, I mean terribly sexist. That was totally freaking awesome! Dammit, I mean inexcusably offensive. Shit, who am I kidding? That was fucking genius. That, my friends, was “Bitch Slap.” [Wonderbra snap (in lieu of hat tip), to babsf!]

And, guess what, I haven't even told you the best part. Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor appear in cameos as – wait for it, wait for it – nuns! Yes, that's right – Xena and Gabrielle are together again. See what I was saying about genius?

Called a modern-day B-movie exploitation film, “Bitch Slap” comes to us from former producers/directors of “Xena: Warrior Princess” and “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys” (Kevin Sorbo also appears...I'm sensing a trend). They've dubbed it a “feminist, thinking man's, wild and crazy over-the-top exploitation film.” I don't know about all that, but I do know there is a little person who plays a female assassin named “Hot Pocket.”

Look out “Citizen Cane,” you've got serious competition for breast picture of all time. Wait, that came out wrong...

Xena: Footballer Princess

Lucy Lawless has long since hung up the chakram, but it seems she might be picking up the pigskin. Over the weekend the actress-singer-all around ass kicker announced on her fan club blog that she had signed on to play the lead in the American version of the British sudsfest “Footballers’ Wives.” Lucy said she wasn’t interested in the part at first [a) I don’t like football and b) I don’t play “wives”!] But after reading the juicy role described as “Tony Soprano in Manolos” she had a change of heart. To appeal to U.S. audiences, the sport has been changed from soccer to American football and the show redubbed “Football Wives.” ABC has ordered a pilot and X-Men/Superman director Bryan Singer may direct. Did I mention the UK version featured a lesbian sports agent? Hey, I think Renee O’Connor is available.