SGALGG: Oscars Edition

I love the Bridesmaids more than cheese. Granted, this isn’t saying a ton because I’m lactose intolerant and too much cheese makes me bloaty. But still, dammit, if I don’t love me a hunk of Camembert every now and again. You always hurt the ones you love, no? But, truly, the Bridesmaids typified what I enjoyed about this award season. Ladies enjoying each other’s company, making each other laugh and giving us all great entertainment in the process. Which, after all, is the true spirit of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Sure, it’s about the touchy feely fabulosity of those fauxosexual moments. But it’s really about women being comfortable in the presence of other women and appreciating each other for the fantastic creatures that we are. So, in that spirit I give you a very special Oscars Edition of SGALGG.

Rose Byrne & Melissa McCarthyNo true drunken straight gal hookup starts without shots. Scorsese!

Viola Davis & Octavia SpencerI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Arms Appreciation Post.

Viola Davis & Meryl StreepI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Back Appreciation Post.

Busy Phillips & Michelle WilliamsThese two are obviously taking a couple shot for their Facebook profile pictures so they can simultaneously change their statuses to “In a Relationship.”

Gwyneth Paltrow & Penelope CruzIs it just me, or does this totally look like albino Batman is giving hot Robin a hug here?

Glenn Close & Janet McTeerGlenn’s all, “Did you see her flash those puppies in ‘Albert Nobbs?’ Yeah, keep your hands off. They’re MINE!”

Claire Danes & Rashida JonesI am overcome with the unshakeable desire to see Claire guest on “Parks & Recreation” as a grown-up Angela Chase who befriends Leslie and Ann.

Jessica Chastain & Milla JovovichI feel like they’re silently acknowledging to each other that 1) They had two of the prettiest dresses on the red carpet and 2) They’d love to see each other’s dresses in a pile on their hotel room floors.

Dianna Agron & Malin AkermanI feel like Dianna is not-so silently acknowledging the No. 2 point above.

Amy Adams & Olivia WildeReboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry…

Ginnifer Goodwin & Sasha AlexanderSuddenly, looking at Ginnifer’s sexy pixie cut, Jane Rizzoli is starting to feel a little insecure.

Heidi Klum & Bar RefaeliClearly they did this purposely to get into SGALGG.

Cameron Diaz & Kate HudsonPlease see above.

Miley Cyrus & Kelly OsbourneWell now it’s almost starting to feel desperate.

Amy Adams, Jennifer Westfeldt, Claire Danes & Paula PattonYou want us to do you one on one? Or two by two? Or we could do three on one? Or we could do four by four? Do four by four? Four by four.

And finally, I call these last group of pictures: Meryl Streep Seduces The World

With Sandra BullockSandy is reminding Meryl of the time they kissed and trying to impress her with her finger size.

With Rooney MaraNow is your chance, Rooney. Kiss her! Hard, on the mouth!

With Octavia SpencerAnd we’ve come full circle with the drunken straight gal hookups. Someone must have yelled Scorsese and Meryl obliged.

Bonus: Angie’s Right LegI think we should acknowledge that Angelina’s bisexual side was alive and well at the Oscars as her right leg was obviously trying to initiate a threesome with Angie & Brad.

Yes, her, again

I will have a full Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals Oscars Edition post for you kittens tomorrow. Also, you can hope over to AfterEllen later today for my Oscars recap. But right now, right now let us luxuriate in the wonder that is Meryl Streep’s “surprise” third Oscar win. Look, absolutely no offense to other two-time Academy Award winners like Jane Fonda, Sally Field, Jessica Lang and Hilary Swank, but it’s about time Meryl FUCKING Streep had more shiny naked gold man statuettes than you guys. And, while she has those 17 nominations, the last time she actually won was 29 years ago for “Sophie’s Choice” and 33 years ago for “Kramer v. Kramer.” So, thank heavens it was “Oh, no! Oh, come on, why? Her – AGAIN!”

One more, and she’ll tie the great Katharine Hepburn. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t bet against her.

Dinner and a movie

As soon as that crisp comes into the air, I think of two things. One, how much of a pain in the ass it will be to have to travel during the holidays. I mean, really, airports at Christmas are the least merry places on Earth. And then the second, is what movies are going to make me run out to a theater near me soon. All the trailers for the big Serious Oscar Contenders start to roll out. And then the super advance trailers for next summer’s blockbusters muscle in as well. It hasn’t been a great movie year for me so far. I mean, I’ve seen some I liked (Harry Potter, I really liked Harry Potter – along with the rest of the planet), but not really that many. A few trailers for upcoming films have already caught my eye, like “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” and “Albert Nobbs.” So now it’s time to look at some more films coming up soon (or soon-ish) with great female leads that look worthy a $23 tub of popcorn.

Pariah (December 2011, limited)

God, I hope this movie gets a wider release. I really, really do.

The Iron Lady (December 2011)

Not because of Thatcher, all because of Streep. Also Giles (I see you, Anthony Stewart Head, I see you.)

Haywire (January 2012)

To die between mixed martial arts fighter Gina Carano’s thighs? Um, I can think of worse ways to go.

The Hunger Games (March 2012)

OK, OK. I’m convinced. Bring on the dystopia and bows and arrows.

Snow White and the Huntsman (June 2012)

Yes, K-Stew in shining armor is nice. But make no mistake, I am seeing this movie for Charlize. Evil, succubusy, gorgeous Charlize.

Brave (June 2012)

Is it possible to be envious of an animated character’s hair? Because, I am. Also, her feisty attitude ain’t bad either.

Right. So, now the only question is do you want extra butter on your popcorn or not?

What geekery is this?

True story: I loved action figures as a kid. I know, not to surprising given my overall continued tomboy tendencies. But I LOVED them. I could play quietly for hours, lost in my own fantasy world where my Han Solo figure bickered with my Buck Rogers figure and Princess Leia went ahead and rescued Superman instead. My childhood fantasy world was kind of awesome. But being a geek then was different than being a geek now. Now it has a cache. Geeks, like bowties – if you ask The Doctor, are cool. But then, geeks were geeks. So it’s with a slightly bemused sense of satisfaction when I watched all the pretty ladies clamor to get their geek on last weekend weekend at Comic-Con.

So in celebration of everyone’s inner and outer geek, here are some lovely ladies getting geeky. Geekery, it’s not just for geeks anymore.

Alyson Hannigan

Willow will always be my favorite geek. Always.

Anna TorvThese should be Special Agent Olivia Dunham action figures, but otherwise, perfect.

Lucy LawlessWhen lesbian subtext and geek fandom collides.

Anika Noni RoseSo this is kind of more of a “doll,” but Anika looks so happy to be holding herself it’s pretty geeky.

Meryl StreepThis is her “Fantastic Mr. Fox” figure. If there was a real Meryl Streep action figure I would buy two. One to keep new in the box and another to play with. Wait, that sounded weird. Good.

Elizabeth MitchellThese aren’t technically action figures either, but getting this excited about your cake doppelgangers is's adorageeky.

Yvonne StrahovskiAlso, not an action figure. But it’s a light saber. So, you know, even better.

Sarah Michelle GellarBuffy is using Darth Vader as an armrest. Your argument is invalid.

Felicia DayIf Felicia in a squid hat doesn’t brighten your day, then you are probably not a geek.

Natalie PortmanGeeks and politics, two great things that go great together.

Karen GillanNow that is how you play with action figures.

Britt Robertson, Maggie Q, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jennifer Morrison & Anna TorvI don’t know who Britt Robertson is, but otherwise, GEEKGASM.

Check out the special Comic-Con issue of The Hollywood Reporter for more on Sarah, Anna, Yvonne, Maggie et al.

Your Fake TV Wife

So the other day my good friend TheLinster gave me a gentle yet firm warning to step off her woman, Elizabeth Mitchell. It was a clear and understandable setting of boundaries. Every friendship needs boundaries. It also highlighted a little-talked-about, but extremely basic tenant of relationships in this modern media age. Everyone has a Fake TV Wife, and that Fake TV Wife is off limits to her friends. I mean that’s just like The Rules of Feminism. This beyond just the Fantasy Freebie list we all have (some of us even laminated). This is about calling dibs, staking a claim, marking one’s territory. This, my friends, is serious business. Now, of course, we don’t mind if our friends appreciate our Fake TV Wives. In fact, we encourage it. Who doesn’t want a hot wife, fake or otherwise? But when it comes to the serious business of actually virtually making a move – whoa there, cowgirl. Hands off. Back away. Don’t even think about it. We take our delusional relationships very seriously here, OK.

Of course, the big caveat to the Fake TV Wife Rule is that it only applies to your friends. I mean, you would hope that strangers would also acknowledge your fictional marriage, but only the truest of friends understand the depth of one’s imaginary commitment. So with that, here is a peek into a few of my friends’ off-limits Fake TV Wives.

Me: Tina Fey, duhIf at this point you still don’t know that Tina is my Fake TV Wife, then I’m not sure we can be friends.

The Linster: Elizabeth MitchellAnd if Elizabeth is wearing a baseball cap, Linster will cut a bitch for even looking at her.

Heather Hogan: Eve MylesA Welsh accent and guns. Like Heather even had a chance.

Scribegrrrl: Meryl StreepGranted, this is more like a Fake Movie Wife, but it’s Meryl fucking Streep, so we’ll accept it.

Right, your turn. Tell me about the women you’ve promised to love, honor and cherish until death and/or reality do you part.

SGALGG: Co-Worker Edition

It’s that time of year again for office potlucks and parties. That means hours of awkward socialization with your coworkers and watching your boss get sauced while hit on the receptionist. For the love of God, someone spike the eggnog so we can make it through the holiday season. But informal interactions with your colleagues doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable exercise in stilted small talk. In fact, it could be downright enjoyable. Of course, the level of enjoyability is greatly dependent on who your co-workers are. I mean, these co-workers certainly seem friendly. And when I say “friendly,” I mean like Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Let Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn, circa “She-Devil” “Death Becomes Her” (mixed up my late 80s-early 90s wacky Meryl Streep comedies) show you the way to workplace bliss. She ain’t heavy, she’s my co-worker.

Alison Brie & Gillian Jacobs, “Community”Alison tweeted that this was her preferred reading position. “Reading,” so that’s what the kids are calling it today.

Maggie Q & Lyndsy Fonseca, “Nikita”Lyndsy looks like she is blushing from Maggie whispering a passage from some particularly explicit Nikita/Alex fanfic she found online. What? I can’t be the only one who ships this, right? I mean, have you seen how many tank tops they wear?

Lena Headey & Summer Glau, “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”Speaking of tank tops, this show was none too shabby about getting its stars in them whenever possible.

Emily Blunt & Amy Adams, “Sunshine Cleaning”Sure, they played sisters. But that body language isn’t sisterly. Just sayin’.

Blake Lively & Leighton Meester, “Gossip Girl”It’s the old “let’s compare hand sizes”-move. Nice.

Feist & Emily Haines, Broken Social SceneIndie Rock Goddess Powers activate.

Audra McDonald & Anne Hathaway, “Twelfth Night”So much Shakespearean swoon is happening in this picture, it almost needs footnotes.

Chloe Sevigny & Ginnifer Goodwin, “Big Love”Bill Paxton who?

Jill Biden & Michelle ObamaThey make a very nice couple. No, really, I mean that. That look Michelle is giving Jill says maybe she does, too.

Naya Rivera & Dianna Agron, “Glee”Quintana, is that a thing?

Dianna Agron & Lea Michele, “Glee”Now I know Faberry/Achele is a thing. And by “thing” I mean what I replace all Quinn/Sam or Rachel/Finn scenes with in my head.