SGALGG: Oscars Edition

I love the Bridesmaids more than cheese. Granted, this isn’t saying a ton because I’m lactose intolerant and too much cheese makes me bloaty. But still, dammit, if I don’t love me a hunk of Camembert every now and again. You always hurt the ones you love, no? But, truly, the Bridesmaids typified what I enjoyed about this award season. Ladies enjoying each other’s company, making each other laugh and giving us all great entertainment in the process. Which, after all, is the true spirit of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Sure, it’s about the touchy feely fabulosity of those fauxosexual moments. But it’s really about women being comfortable in the presence of other women and appreciating each other for the fantastic creatures that we are. So, in that spirit I give you a very special Oscars Edition of SGALGG.

Rose Byrne & Melissa McCarthyNo true drunken straight gal hookup starts without shots. Scorsese!

Viola Davis & Octavia SpencerI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Arms Appreciation Post.

Viola Davis & Meryl StreepI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Back Appreciation Post.

Busy Phillips & Michelle WilliamsThese two are obviously taking a couple shot for their Facebook profile pictures so they can simultaneously change their statuses to “In a Relationship.”

Gwyneth Paltrow & Penelope CruzIs it just me, or does this totally look like albino Batman is giving hot Robin a hug here?

Glenn Close & Janet McTeerGlenn’s all, “Did you see her flash those puppies in ‘Albert Nobbs?’ Yeah, keep your hands off. They’re MINE!”

Claire Danes & Rashida JonesI am overcome with the unshakeable desire to see Claire guest on “Parks & Recreation” as a grown-up Angela Chase who befriends Leslie and Ann.

Jessica Chastain & Milla JovovichI feel like they’re silently acknowledging to each other that 1) They had two of the prettiest dresses on the red carpet and 2) They’d love to see each other’s dresses in a pile on their hotel room floors.

Dianna Agron & Malin AkermanI feel like Dianna is not-so silently acknowledging the No. 2 point above.

Amy Adams & Olivia WildeReboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry…

Ginnifer Goodwin & Sasha AlexanderSuddenly, looking at Ginnifer’s sexy pixie cut, Jane Rizzoli is starting to feel a little insecure.

Heidi Klum & Bar RefaeliClearly they did this purposely to get into SGALGG.

Cameron Diaz & Kate HudsonPlease see above.

Miley Cyrus & Kelly OsbourneWell now it’s almost starting to feel desperate.

Amy Adams, Jennifer Westfeldt, Claire Danes & Paula PattonYou want us to do you one on one? Or two by two? Or we could do three on one? Or we could do four by four? Do four by four? Four by four.

And finally, I call these last group of pictures: Meryl Streep Seduces The World

With Sandra BullockSandy is reminding Meryl of the time they kissed and trying to impress her with her finger size.

With Rooney MaraNow is your chance, Rooney. Kiss her! Hard, on the mouth!

With Octavia SpencerAnd we’ve come full circle with the drunken straight gal hookups. Someone must have yelled Scorsese and Meryl obliged.

Bonus: Angie’s Right LegI think we should acknowledge that Angelina’s bisexual side was alive and well at the Oscars as her right leg was obviously trying to initiate a threesome with Angie & Brad.

Be my guest

Those who have been here a while know that I love it when certain guests come on Elle DeGeneres’ show. Allison Janney in particularly, but Emma Thompson worked that pole like a pro. But now, well, now there may be a new rival for my affection in the Great Panted One’s guest chair. And that someone is Melissa McCarthy. Now my love for Melissa is no secret. I’ll say it loud and say it proud. But the best way to really appreciate her is to see her in action. Not just her films, though come on if you haven’t seen her in “Bridesmaids” I seriously fear for your mental health, but also her overall persona which is fun and honest and flat-out hilarious. She comes off as real, which is what she is. And a real funny lady is something the world could always use more of, sitting next to Ellen or not. So here is a little taste of the funny business that ensues when Melissa and Ellen get their chat on. I can’t wait for her to come back after the Oscars. Oh yeah, and about that, I don’t know about you but I can’t get enough of the sound of Academy Award nominee Melissa McCarthy.

On the Golden Globes


On her Spanx


On a test scene for “Bridesmaids 2”

My Weekend Crush

Melissa McCarthy is having more than a moment. She is having an era. Sure, maybe not necessarily in length, but definitely in importance. Breakout star status doesn’t usually happen to 40-something, plus-sized women. And when I say “usually,” I mean ever. But here she is with a brand new Emmy on her mantel and a blockbuster comedy hit on her resume and a highly rated sitcom on every week and more movie deals and TV deals coming her way and a hosting gig on “Saturday Night Live” this weekend. It’s just, well, it’s just great. And I can honestly say it couldn’t happen to a more likeable and hilarious gal.

To just say Melissa was funny in “Bridesmaids” is like just saying the Grand Canyon is a big hole in the ground. Sure, it’s true, but it’s a massive undersell. She was pee, or in this case poop, your pants funny in that movie. Her Megan was a singular cinematic creature - a confident, pragmatic, butch, sexual and loveable oddball who you laughed with more than at. And out of all of that, I think the confidence of her character was the most amazing attribute. We’re used to funny women in comedies being neurotic messes. They fret and thither, over-think and under-appreciate themselves. But not Melissa’s Megan. Confidence made that character more than just the punchline, it made her a heroine.

And that all came from Melissa, who has made herself a new kind of comedy heroine for us all. Of course, some of us knew years ago when she was the sweetest little chef in all of Stars Hollow. Let’s hope her era never ends. Happy weekend, all.

EDIT: To the skeptics who doubt it when I say “breakout star status doesn’t usually happen to 40-something, plus-sized women,” it really doesn’t. Ages when they found breakout success: Roseanne Barr, 36; Oprah Winfrey, 32; Anna Nicole Smith, 26; Liza Minnelli, 26 (also not exactly plus sized at the time); Queen Latifah, 19; Nikki Blonsky, 19. Also, Rosie O’Donnell got her talk show at 34. So, no, sadly almost never.