Tank Top Tuesday

So the dog days are definitely here. July threw down a sweltering gauntlet and I’ve never known August as a month to back down from a challenge. I expect sun. I expect warmth. Basically, I expect to sweat. So, then, what’s a gal – like poor, sweaty, sticky, glistening Gillian Anderson – supposed to do to beat the heat? Well, for one, a tank top helps. But I’m sure I can do better in the helpful advice department. What can I say? I’m a giver.

Emily DeschanelSpending a day at the beach is always a cool option.

Ashley GreenePulling at one’s clothing will help unstick them from your body.

Helen MirrenSitting near an open window will help you catch a breeze.

Katee Sackhoff & Tricia HelferRiding a motorcycle will really help you catch a breeze.

Michelle Rodriguez & companionSharing a cold beverage with a friend will cool down your core.

BeyoncéWearing short-shorts will cool your lower body.

Sigourney WeaverWearing just your skivvies will cool your whole body.

Carla Gugino

Jumping into the pool will bring down your temperature instantly.

Ashleigh Sumner, Cathy DeBuono & Jill BennettWhen all else fails, just make things hotter.
[Via “And Then Came Lola.”]

So, there you have it. Some simple, fool-proof ways to keep cool this August. Or was that hot? Either way, always wear a tank top.

Weekend at Crazy’s

WTF, weekend? Seriously. Tina Fey wins an Emmy. Dr. Horrible wins an Emmy. Serena Williams threatens bodily harm with a tennis ball. Madonna stays classy. Kanye West does not. Lady Gaga is movable performance art. And Beyoncé is, quite possibly, magic. Whew. That is a lot of shit to process in just two days. That’s like a month’s worth of awesome/crazy/WTF. It’s like Saturday and Sunday exploded and we haven’t even talked about Kristen Stewart’s new dangerously Kate Gosselin-esque hairstyle. Madness, I tell you. MADNESS. So, naturally, I turn to ridiculously hot women to help me make sense of the world again. Nothing soothes quite like ridiculously hot women being ridiculously hot. Some of them might even qualify for Naked Lady Monday. Mmm, naked ladies… See, all better. [Click any to enlarge The Hot.]

Padma LakshmiFeel stupid for not watching “Top Chef” now, don’t ya?

Anna FrielGod, I miss Pushing Daisies.

Jennifer ConnellyRemember that movie “Seven Minutes in Heaven?” Set a timer.

Olivia WildeIs there such a thing as pantyline-high boots? There is now.

Katee Sackhoff, Tricia Helfer, Grace ParkSci-fi is just for geeks, eh?

Lucy LiuI believe the correct words here are hummina-hummina.

Sarah ShahiQuite fittingly, the end.

Tank Top Tuesday

I know, I know. These are paparazzi pictures. And I know, I know. Paparazzi are bad. But I'm not posting these shots of stars out and about as an encouragement to stalker shutterbugs. Instead I consider these images important documentation of wild tank tops in their natural habitat. As such they also serve as a valuable public service announcement. Ladies: Wear more tank tops. Heading to the gym? Tank top. Heading out shopping? Tank top. Headed to the airport? Tank top. Doctor's office? Dog park? Jail? Tank top, tank top, tank top (hey, tank tops pair nicely with orange jumpsuits). Consider it doing your doing you part to help beautify the world. Trust me, the world will thank you. At the very least, I'll thank you. So ends this public service announcement.

PinkTank tops and biker hear, a match made in hog heaven.

Halle BerryA tank top with an easy-access zipper? Genius!

Michelle RodriguezTanks look great out of the closet – just a suggestion.

Cynthia NixonSee, I told you they looked great out of the closet.

Natalie PortmanTanking and texting: Like walking and chewing gum, but so much hotter.

Kate BeckinsaleScientific proof that tank tops make you frisky, or is that friskable. Same difference.

Shakira and Penelope CruzBFFs + TTs = Best Math Ever

Uma ThurmanTank dresses totally count.

Anne HathawayFine, tube tops don't count, but because of her adorkable headphones I've made an exception.

Tricia Helfer and Katee SackhoffRemember what I was saying about biker gear and tank tops? Double it.

Jessica BielNow that, that is how you fill out a tank top...Period. Full stop. End of discussion.

Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, Starbuck, Starbuck. You and all your frakking hot tank tops are the reason I know I'm an idiot for still not having caught up on “Battlestar Galactica.” But this promo shot for the final season of BSG did more than make me feel guilty (or make me feel the good kind of sweaty); it made me curious. Have marketers finally discovered the unassailable appeal of a woman in a tank top to sell their movies and shows? Well after researching hundreds upon hundred of posters (yes, hundreds...I do these things for you, kittens, and for the general advancement of knowledge), I've come to the highly-scientific conclusion that not only have they discovered tank tops, they've divided their usage into specific categories. Look for my published dissertation on the topic in the next issue of the prestigious Journal of the American Association for the Advancement of Tank Tops. But for now, here is a preview. [Click any and all to enlarge, in the name of science, obviously.]

The FightersThe LoversThe Two Guns Are Better Than OneThe Leather Is Better Than GunsThe Apocalypse NowThe This Can't End WellThe LenaThe End

Tank Top Thursday

Today is a special emergency edition of Tank Top Tuesday, held on Thursday in accordance of the Surrenders bylaws which read: “Pictures of women in tank tops may be posted on days other than Tuesday in cases of ridiculous hotness/extreme impatience/overwhelming swooning.” After seeing the Battlestar babes on their bikes, I’d say we’ve met that threshold and then some. Holy frak! As The Gentleman was so kind to point out last week, that Interview magazine photoshoot of Katee Sackhoff and Tricia Helfer decked out in bikini biker gear was no fluke. Katee and Tricia are, indeed, smokin’ hot motorcycle mamas.

The friends were featured in the LA Times this week for their riding prowess. Whatever you do, DO NOT MISS the accompanying video. P.S. How much do I love that the Times has a woman writer for their motorcycle column? So much so that I’m seething with jealousy at her choice beat assignment. Of course, I’d have to learn to ride first. And considering the fact that I’m so clumsy I sometimes hurt myself just getting out of the car, I should probably resist the urge. Well, at least I can look at the pictures. And my, what pictures they are. Tank tops + motorcycles + Katee and Tricia = Thank God I wrote those bylaws. Look, Tricia agrees.

Check out AfterEllen later today for more on Tricia and Katee getting their motor running for the Times.

Happy, um, Hump Day

Yes, I realize it is wrong of me to label this post “hump” anything with those accompanying visuals. What can I say – I’m just a naughty, naughty girl. But I just couldn’t not share these shots of Tricia Helfer, Grace Park and Katee Sackhoff. And did I mention the motorcycle? And the chaps? The women of “Battlestar Galactica” keep mocking my non-watching. (No, I’m not caught up yet. I’ve barely even started. Save your scolding letters, I already admitted to being a very naughty girl. I will repent…as soon as I find the time.) Now, I know it’s also probably wrong of Battlestar to promote its high-quality product with lowest-common denominator photos. But, am I complaining? Are you crazy? Please enjoy these three lovely ladies modeling what I can only imagine is a new Hell’s Angels line of swimwear from the pages of Interview magazine. Happy Hump Day, indeed. [Click ’em to make your Wednesday even better.]

p.s. Is it just me, or is this photoshoot like a strange cross between “Beach Blanket Bingo” and “The Wild Bunch”? Like I said, I’m not complaining.

p.p.s. Via The Gentleman, here is photographic evidence that Tricia and Katee might be real-life biker babes. Wow, that got my motor running, so to speak.

Frakking-A

Here’s the thing, I don’t watch “Battlestar Galactica.” Like, at all. Like, ever. No kidding, I haven’t watched even one episode. It’s not that I’m not interested. Outer space. Killer robots. Tough chicks. Heck, what’s not to like? And it’s not like I haven’t already been told by a million folks what a frakking idiot I am for not watching. But it’s just that with three seasons already in the bag and the final one about to start, I simply don’t have the time to catch up. And the thought of playing all that catch up makes me, quite frankly, really tired. There are a lot of show like BSG I probably would love but never started and now -- unless my amount of free time suddenly, magically multiplies exponentially -- won’t get around to in the near or even not-so-near future. Shows like “Lost.” Shows like “Weeds.” Shows like (don’t throw things at me, ladies) “Bad Girls.”

But I really feel like I’m missing out on something with BSG. And not just because of photoshoots like these. OK, fine -- these photoshoots help.So, my dilemma is this -- how can I catch up? Should I go with Option A: Give up what little sleep I still get and marathon the previous seasons so I can watch along with the new season when it starts Friday (yes, I realize mathematically it’s probably impossible to catch all the way up before Friday). Or Option B: Not bother now and when I finally retire at the Social Security-sanctioned age of 95, catch up via a television chip implant which by that time will be as outdated as the 8-track is today but, whatever, I’m an old bitty (’cause I’m also small) biddy and I don’t need that new-fangled stuff.

Or, I perhaps I should just go with Option C: Watch “Battlestar Galactica in 8 Minutes” and then be all set.