Tank Top Tuesday

So the dog days are definitely here. July threw down a sweltering gauntlet and I’ve never known August as a month to back down from a challenge. I expect sun. I expect warmth. Basically, I expect to sweat. So, then, what’s a gal – like poor, sweaty, sticky, glistening Gillian Anderson – supposed to do to beat the heat? Well, for one, a tank top helps. But I’m sure I can do better in the helpful advice department. What can I say? I’m a giver.

Emily DeschanelSpending a day at the beach is always a cool option.

Ashley GreenePulling at one’s clothing will help unstick them from your body.

Helen MirrenSitting near an open window will help you catch a breeze.

Katee Sackhoff & Tricia HelferRiding a motorcycle will really help you catch a breeze.

Michelle Rodriguez & companionSharing a cold beverage with a friend will cool down your core.

BeyoncéWearing short-shorts will cool your lower body.

Sigourney WeaverWearing just your skivvies will cool your whole body.

Carla Gugino

Jumping into the pool will bring down your temperature instantly.

Ashleigh Sumner, Cathy DeBuono & Jill BennettWhen all else fails, just make things hotter.
[Via “And Then Came Lola.”]

So, there you have it. Some simple, fool-proof ways to keep cool this August. Or was that hot? Either way, always wear a tank top.

Trench Coat Tuesday

So, clearly, it’s a Tuesday. And, yes, Tuesdays are for tank tops. But sometimes a gal needs to mix things up a bit. I figure other articles of clothing should be allowed to stop by every now and then for a visit. Like a timeshare of hotness. So today, the humble tank top makes way for the elegant trench coat. The iconic piece of clothing is as practical as it is promising. That great promise, of course, is simple: That there will be only smooth skin and sin waiting underneath. For example, on Naomi Watts the trench says both a) I’m wearing a jacket in case things get nippy on our car ride and b) I’m wearing nothing underneath to ensure things get nipply after our ride. See, change can be good, or bad – in the someone has been a very, very bad girl sense.

Emily DeschanelMy what nice, um, “Bones” structure you have. I know – groan.

Mariska HargitayIf you get flashed by a cop, who do you call? If it’s Mariska, everyone.

Kate WinsletCold outside, hot everywhere else.

Anna Torv

Just ignore Joshua Jackson, I do on “Fringe” anyway.

Megan FoxEver since she got canned from “Transformers 3,” I’ve liked her a lot more. A lot.

Jessica CapshawDear Shonda Rhimes: Next year, please consider incorporating a trench coat into next season’s mandatory Calzona make-up sex scenes. Just a thought.

Jodie Foster

See, you’ve forgotten all about dumb old tank tops already.

Three makes a (very gay) trend

There is an unwritten tenet of journalism, universally regarded as scientific fact, that three makes a trend. Three occurrences of any natural, unnatural, man-made, woman-made, mammalian, reptilian, Brazilian, technological, evangelical or celestial events signal a shift in the universe and is therefore worth reporting on. Ask any journalist friend, she’ll tell you. So imagine my joy when the blessed triumvirate landed on my second favorite gay trend: An actress playing gay. (p.s. The first is, naturally, a celebrity actually coming out as gay.) In the past few weeks not one, not two but the magical THREE actresses have signed on to play gay. They are: Emily Deschanel, Linda Hamilton and Ellen Page. Friendly straight friends who visit this blog, that sound you hear is the slow, primal growl of gay ladies everywhere imagining the possibilities. So which role is the most promising? Let’s dissect.

Emily Deschanel

Emily will star in the new flick “The Perfect Family,” alongside Kathleen Turner, Jason Ritter, Michael McGrady and Richard Chamberlain. The story chronicles a devout Catholic mother and wife (played by Turner) who is trying to prove she has a “Perfect family” after she has been nominated for the church’s top award. According to Variety, Emily plays her daughter, a successful lawyer, closeted lesbian who is five months pregnant and “struggles when it comes time to telling her mother the truth.” Now, straight friends, that groan you hear is the sound of thousands of lesbians screaming “NOT ANOTHER PREGNANT LESBIAN STORYLINE!” Still, it’s the gorgeous Emily Deschanel playing a lesbian. So I will grumble yet still buy a ticket.

Linda Hamilton

Linda will join the cast of Showtime’s “Weeds” for a multi-episode stint this season as a lesbian. According to Entertainment Weekly, Linda will play “an eco-conscious marijuana grower who, along with her life partner Fiona, helps Nancy 's endeavors in Seattle take bloom.” Sarah Connor as a pothead lesbian? Yes, please – especially if she single-armedly cocks a shotgun at least once during her story arc. Hey, it could happen, just because you’re eco-friendly doesn’t mean you won’t defend your marijuana crop from marauding rivals by any means necessary. Now I’m just dying to know who plays her life partner Fiona. As long as Showtime seems to be in the business of wish fulfillment, how about Lena Headey? The two Sarah Connors together at last. Hey, don’t judge me – I’m a dreamer.

Ellen Page

The long (LONG) gestating feature film adaptation of the Oscar-winning documentary “Freeheld” is finally moving forward with Ellen Page starring in the true story of a terminally-ill lesbian's struggle to pass her pension benefits to her partner, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Ellen would play Stacie Andree, the partner to New Jersey police detective Laurel Hester who successfully sued the department to win survivor benefits after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. This has the potential to be the biggest, most impactful of all the roles. It’s also getting a big boost from Oscar-nominated “Philadelphia” scribe Ron Nyswaner, who is writing the screenplay. Having such a talented young star agree to star in such a powerful, real-life story about the struggle gays and lesbians face to get equal rights is, in a word, HUGE. My hopes for this project could not be higher. And I’m already stocking up on Kleenex to hold back the inevitable waterworks this production will inspire.

So, which role has you most excited? And now that having A-List actresses play gay is a bona fide trend, who should be next? Hello, Tina Fey. She turned 40 yesterday. What better way to celebrate that milestone than by getting it on with the ladies? Like I said, I’m a dreamer.

SGALGG: Sharing is Caring

You know what I love? I love that you guys know me so well. Like, for instance, this photo above. Several people alerted me to this most fantastic Tina Fey-Mariska Hargitay-Sheryl Crow sandwich this week. It warms my heart that you know me so well. Of course, that could also mean I’m predictable. But, if predictable means having women send me a picture of what appears to be Tina copping a feel on Mariska as Sheryl watches approvingly, then color me predictable. Also, extra special Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals-points to Tina and Sheryl for getting a jump on their Lesbian Twin Syndrome wardrobe.

Since you shared with me, it only seems fair that I share with you. So how about some more SGALGG goodness, with a little GGALGG gayness thrown in for good measure.

Dianna Agron & Anna PaquinIf you’re going to SGALGG cheat, picking an actual gay gal is a great way to maximize your jealously factor. Lea Michele must be fuming. Also, you know Anna sneaked a peek.

Frances McDormand & Tilda Swinton
If this was a movie it would be the best acted lesbian movie of all time. Think about it, Hollywood.*

Naomi Watts & Scarlett JohanssonThis one would be pretty well acted, too. Just don’t let anyone get sucked into a blue box that’s a portal to an alternate reality that has darkly lit rooms with rich red curtains and Laura Harring.

Emily Deschanel & friendsI think, as the kids today say, UNF.

Zoe Saldana & Sigourney WeaverIf Sigourney has a thing about breasts, she should explore those feelings with Zoe instead of lashing out at our gal Kathryn Bigelow.

Amy Adams & Zooey DeschanelAccording to Esquire, Zooey is the woman most women want to sleep with. I think Amy agrees.

Olivia Wilde & some lucky SOB

That woman is so close she can probably smell Olivia’s perfume.
I hate her.

*UPDATE: OK, OK, here is the skinny on Tilda and Frances. The photos is indeed a candid. They’re talking (very closely) at the 2008 Toronto International Film Festival premiere of “Burn After Reading.” You can see a progression of them together here.

Tit for Tat

Things I love: Women. Boobs. Women touching other women’s boobs. What can I say? I’m a gal with simple pleasures. So, imagine my delight when they all came together in the new Funny or Die video “The Booby Scare.” Let me set it up for you as quickly as possible because me blathering on just keeps you seeing Alyson Hannigan, Emily Deschanel, Kat McPhee, Minka Kelly and Jaime King touch each others’ breasts. Wait, I think that's all the set up you need. And, go.

THE BOOBY SCARE Featuring Alyson Hannigan, Emily Deschanel, Kat McPhee, Minka Kelly and Jaime King - watch more funny videos

OK, three things:

1. Emily has amazing cleavage.

2. It’s amazing to watch Alyson touch Emily’s amazing cleavage.

3. “Touch a Tit, Save a Tit” is an amazing slogan.

But, in all seriousness, in an age of massive health care inequity, continued under funding of women’s health initiatives and close to 200,000 new breast cancer diagnoses each year it’s important to remember to touch ’em like there’s no tomorrow. And if it takes a bunch of gorgeous, smart, conscientious ladies groping each others’ breasts to remind you of that fact, well, that is what I call the best tit for tat ever. Happy Breast Cancer Awareness Month, ladies.

p.s. God, I can’t wait for them to do the pelvic exam PSA next. Ahem.

Dog day afternoon

Doggone it, you knew this was coming. After a day of nothing but cat calls, I’ve had to let the dogs out (yes, forgive me, I went there). I had dogs all while growing up. In fact, until I got a cat I considered myself strictly a dog person. So I know that special, unspoken bond between a girl and her dog. Sure, dogs may be man’s best friend, but they’re a woman’s best friend forever. Who’s a good dog? Who is? Who is?

Kate Moennig & FloydVenus Williams & HaroldKatee Sackhoff & MeatballHilary Swank & Karu & friendsLisa Edelstein & Wolf EAmy Adams & Pippy & SadieZooey and Emily Deschanel & KatrinaEllen Page & Patti (*yes, named after Smith)Christiane Amanpour & her newshoundJordana Brewster & one lucky puppyAli Larter & two really, really lucky puppiesGlenn Close & her blogging puppies Jake & BillDid you know Scribegrrrl is practically BFFs with Glenn and her pups? Well, now you do.

Sister act

Oh, Deschanel sisters, Deschanel sisters. You are a glamorous microcosm of sisters everywhere. The older, polished one. The younger, adorable one. I love seeing pictures of them together because, duh, they’re both gorgeous.

But I’m not interested in the naughty fantasy. First, I’m still getting over that first, unsuspecting viewing of “Sister, My Sister.” And second, well, incest is ewww. No, seriously, ewww. Instead, what I like is the obvious affection between them. The closeness, the supportiveness. I’d like to sit with them around the kitchen table and watch that special, often-wordless language only sisters share.

The way Emily instinctually holds her little sister close.

The way Zooey leans unquestioningly on her older sister.

It’s so sweet. It makes me wish I lived closer to my sister. It also makes me really, really hope that Zooey gets to guest star with Emily on “Bones” this season. Make this happen TV gods.

OK, I could be persuaded to get just a little “Flowers in the Attic” at the sight of an Emily, Amy Adams, Zooey sandwich.

Just a little. What? I’m only human.