SGALGG & GGALGG: Emmys Edition

Wow, thems were some gay Emmys. Yes, indeedy. From Jane Lynch to “Modern Family” to that all-singing, all-spectacular Gleetastic opening number, the show was a merry and gay affair. Now, digesting the full magnitude of a major award show always takes me two days. The first day is to go over the nuts and bolts of who won this and who said that. Then the second day I can just sit back and devour the pretty. And, kittens, there was so much pretty. Let’s start with the gay gals and their lady loves (sorry, I can’t say lovers – to quote my favorite Emmy loser Tina Fey, “that word bums me out unless it’s between the words ‘meat’ and ‘pizza.’”) and then we’ll progress to the straight gals. But no matter where they stood on the Kinsey Scale, a whole lotta ladies were acting like gay gals at the Emmys. Can you blame them, I mean, we are pretty awesome.

GGALGG

Jane Lynch & Lara EmbryThe love, it burns! I love them together. I love that Jane kissed Lara when she won. I love that she also said “I love you my wife, Lara” on stage. You want to know why gay marriage matters? This is why gay marriage matters. Love.
Wanda & Alex SykesThey look like a fresco of Greek goddesses painted onto an ancient wall somewhere being uncovered by an archeologist who thrills with each brush stroke as she carefully reveals their beauty from underneath centuries of earth and time. Sorry, let me amend that, a smoking hot fresco of Greek goddesses. Hot damn, those girls – and Alex and Wanda look good, too.
SGALGG

Tina Fey & Mariska HargitayThis is becoming like a thing between these two. It is like the mere sight of each other in sleek, sparkly gowns is too much for them to take and then that hand goes from firmly around the waist to, well, firmly everywhere. Maybe Mariska and Tina are the real-life Alex and Olivia. Ship that, people.
[Hat tip, Allegra!]

Sofia Vergara & Julie BowenIf you thought Mariska had a firm grip on Tina, check out Julie’s grip on Sofia . You’d need the Jaws of Life to get her hand off of her. Plus dude in the back is totally, “Hell, yeah.”

Claire Danes & Julia Ormond

Claire looks like she has had a bit too much champagne and has just whispered “Take me home” into Julia’s ear. Also, shoot Julia, where have you been hiding all that gorgeous these last few years?

Christina Hendricks & January JonesI want to say something terribly witty about how they look together, but I’ve forgotten how to form words.

Toni Collette & Julia Louis DreyfusI like to think that the Emmy losers console each other backstage. And by “console,” I mean “make out.”

Padma Lakshmi & Gail SimmonsWhen people say food porn, this is what they’re picturing.

Heather Morris & Naya Rivera

Brittana, you’ve got me wrapped around whichever finger you want to use in whatever situation you feel like using it. Ahem.

Mariana Klaveno, Kristin Bauer & Anna PaquinThe Bill-Sookie-Eric sandwich isn’t the only threesome worth talking about on “True Blood.” Not by a long shot.

Amy Poehler, Aubrey Plaza & Tina FeySpeaking of threesomes, gay sexy vampires aren’t the only ones who look good having them. Let’s make this “30 Rock” meets “Parks and Recreation” very special crossover happen.

Archie Panjabi & the Emmy statuetteShe is going to take it behind the garage door and get it pregnant, Tracy Jordan style.

Bonus I: Best. Emmy. Picture. Ever.Tina Fey, Amy Poehler & Jon Hamm dancing their asses off. I’ll be honest, that’s a threesome I could totally get behind, too.

Bonus II: Best. Tina. Video. Ever.
After dancing her ass off with Amy and Jon while downing what I can only assume was copious amounts of champagne, Tina goes to find her limo. God, that giggle. That hair.

What it looks like when New York gets drunk, y’all. Suck it, nerds!

Cocktail hour

Emma Thompson got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame last weekend. So, naturally, she celebrated with a pint and a pig. Naturally. Now, my love for Emma is unwavering. She may falter at times, but her heart is always unquestionably in the right place – even when she is talking smack about Audrey Hepburn. She is among those celebrities I put in my “I’d love to have a beer with” category. I mean, wouldn’t she be a blast at the bar? These are the folks whose big, magnificent brains and bubbly, radiant sense of fun make them the perfect candidates for a cocktail, or six.

Emma ThompsonSuch a pity her Safe website is still down. That last picture of her would have been a real conversation starter.

Helen MirrenIf you think she is a saucy minx sober, just wait until you get a couple cocktails into her.

Wanda SykesMy only worry is I’d laugh so hard I’d pee my pants, especially after a few drinks.

Rachel MaddowI believe it’s a life goal to taste a drink mixed by the master.

Jane LynchThat stuff I said about Wanda, ditto.

Leisha HaileyAnd if she brought along Kate Moennig and Erin Daniels, all the better.

Hillary ClintonOh, Hill. I will buy you a drink anyplace, anytime, anywhere. Standing offer, forever.

Lesbothrobs

Oh, Rachel, Rachel. Suspenders. What are you doing to us? SUSPENDERS. You know what kind of tizzy this will put us gay ladies into. How could you not? In fact, I think secretly you enjoy it. Yep, for all the adorable self deprecation, there has to be a teeny-tiny part of that big, magnificent brain of yours that is loving this lesbian heartthrob status. But, why not? It’s fun to be a lesbian heartthrob. Still lest you think I have only one big gay pin-up inside my locker, let me remind you that there are plenty of lesbian heartthrobs to go around. And to think some girls go crazy over Zac Efron. Silly girls.

Ellen DeGeneresI think she’ll do great on Idol. I mean, it’s a fancy karaoke contest. Chill, people.

Jane Lynch“Yes. We. CANE!” But seriously, I would totally let Jane cane me. With a safety word. And a blindfold.

Tegan, Amanda Palmer, SaraGay hipster super powers – activate!

Wanda SykesBut a cap, tight T-shirt and leather jacket are decidedly not whack.

Amanda MooreTo keep from swallowing my tongue, I’ll take a cue from Amanda and hold on instead.

Leisha HaileyI miss Alice. Not enough to sit through “The Farm,” but enough to sit through the episode of “CSI” where Leisha was a wolfgirl.

Cherry JonesDid she not look fantastic at the Emmys? Also, I heard she broke up with Sarah Paulson. How sad. Hey Cherry, I like the theater. What? I’m just saying.

Jodie FosterThis is Jodie Foster on the streets of New York last month. This is what gay looks like.

Who is going in your locker, so to speak? And quit doodling Mrs. Rachel Maddow on your Trapper Keeper. What is this, junior high?

Magic Wanda

Reason No. 1,000,001 that Saturday's National Day of Protest was awesome: Wanda Sykes. By now you've probably heard it through the gayvine that Wanda came out at the rally in Las Vegas. I mean, we may have known before, but we didn't know know. You know? But now, well, now everyone knows. I've always loved Wanda and her wicked, wicked sense of humor. Few things can make me howl like her withering insults. Really, they're an art form. So in celebration of Wanda making it official, here are a few of her gayest moments. And by gay, I mean gay. And not just the happy kind.

Wanda Comes Out

Wanda on Prop. 8

Wanda on Gay Marriage

Wanda on That's So Gay

My Weekend Crush

See, I told you that the funny ladies would be next. The first time I remember seeing Wanda Sykes was when she was still doing comic commentary for the NFL years ago. It was playoff time and they had sent her to the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field to cover the Packers on a particularly frigid day. After the commentators threw to her, a bundled-up Wanda looked into the camera, then at a nearby thermometer and asked with her now-trademark bluntness, “What is 1 degree?” Well, from then on I was, naturally, hooked. Wanda has a particular brand of sassy sarcasm that predates the now ubiquitous snark. Righteous (not to mention riotous) incredulity is her weapon of choice.

Wanda is the wisest of wisecrackers, the smartest of smartasses. While her wit can be both wicked and withering, she is also almost always right. Take her thoughts on those opposed to gay marriage: “It is very simple; if you don’t believe in same-sex marriage, then don’t marry somebody of the same sex.” Heck, I even have a sudden urge to run to Applebee’s each time I hear her little red apple self say: “Get it together, baby.” Yes, I’ve heard those “rumors” about her. I mean, she is a favorite of Ellen’s after all (gay by association, dontcha know). Regardless, Wanda is an ardent supporter and will be part of Cyndi Lauper’s second annual True Colors Tour this summer (which includes, among other awesome acts, the B-52’s, Indigo Girls, Joan Jett, The Cliks, Regina Spektor and Tegan and Sara). In my book, that alone makes her good peoples. And funny has this sneaky way of bringing the sexy along with it. Laughter is one hell of an aphrodisiac, no?

[Note: This is Wanda, which means this clip is delightfully NSFW]

So -- to answer your question, Tec -- no, I don’t think it’s fucked up to want to have Wanda sit on your couch and make fun of you all day. Actually, that sounds pretty fucking fantastic. Happy weekend, all.