Out darling

To every lesbian alive in the 70s and 80s, your gaydar was right. On Friday, teen idol Kristy McNichol came out. Pause for the sound of lesbians everywhere screaming, “I KNEW IT!” Yes, the lesbian equivalent of David Cassidy is, in fact, a lesbian. Still, it’s a wonder anyone with eyes was surprised by this news. I mean, come on.

Now, as celebratory and vindicated as this news makes me feel, I must confess that Kristy wasn’t necessarily my girl crush back in the day. I was too young to enjoy her teen movie queen years. And then I never watched her later TV resurgence. Quite frankly, I was more of a Nancy McKeon girl, myself. (p.s. Nancy, if you feel like making any late-in-life announcements, a grateful nation of lesbians will thank you.) But Kristy’s announcement is still just fantastic news, as is her reasoning, which her publicist told People magazine was to “be open about who I am” and hopes her coming out “can help kids who need support.” Granted, the kids being bullied probably are too young to know who the hell Kristy McNichol is. But that doesn’t matter because every coming out makes a difference, every coming out helps make the world a little better. No matter early or late in life, it all helps. Kristy, who is 49, has been with her partner for the last 20 years. Nicely done, darling.

And, speaking of darling, how prescient did “Little Darlings” turn out to be? I swear, Kristy in that black tank top turned a whole generations of teens into baby dykes. Also, Kristy and Cynthia Nixon were both in that movie and turned out to be gay. If Tatum O'Neal comes out then perhaps we were wrong all along – it is contagious.

Out, out damn Gleek

I defend “Glee” a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Like there were stretches where I felt like all I did was defend my love of “Glee.” So, in that respect, I feel I’ve built up a close-to lifetime supply of goodwill for this silly little show about a show choir in Ohio with a magical costume and backup dancer budget that makes trickle-down economics seem positively Keynesian.

So now, now I feel like burning through a little of that goodwill. If fact, I feel like setting the whole house on fire and watching the flames lap loudly against my still raging soul. Why? Well, because last night’s episode of “Glee” really fucking sucked.

It didn’t just suck because of the normal inconsequentialities and flagrant inconsistencies that can make “Glee” so frustrating for people who insist on living in a fact-based reality. I’m saying it sucked because for a show that prides itself on sending a message of tolerance and diversity, it sent a message of consequence-free outing and white-male salvation. It was severely misguided to give it the benefit of the doubt, and a few of those dreaded –ist and –istic words if you don’t.

Also, don’t get me started on the fact that the episode was called “I Kissed a Girl” and no girls actually kissed. (That cheek kiss was cute and all, but come the fuck on.)

What “Glee” can sometimes do well is peel back the skin of a significant social issue and expose the beating humanity underneath in a way that helps everyone understand it better and therefore fear it a little less. It’s how things change in the world, by realizing we’re really all not that different.

What “Glee” can sometimes do badly is take a significant social issue and simplify it down to a glib streak of superficial cheerleading and then preen itself wondering why it’s not being slapped on the back and handed cigars for the beautiful bundle of enlightenment it has just birthed unto the world. That’s how people self-congratulate themselves without changing a damn thing.

I mean, the whole show started out on the wrong foot with Santana being punished for slapping Finn. Granted, physical violence – even the deserved kind – is unacceptable and should be dealt with. But Finn outed Santana. And that may not be physical violence, but it is psychological violence. And, no, do not trot out the “Finn didn’t mean to out her and couldn’t know it’d turn into a political ad” malarkey. He yelled it at her across a crowded high school hallway. He’s dense, but he can’t be that dense.

But instead of handling the fallout from this outing. Instead of delving into its ramifications. Instead of showing while, even if unintentional, it was wrong. Instead of all that, Finn is turned into some kind of gay awareness superstar and the episode becomes A Very Special Intervention Outing Glee. Never mind that last season, when Kurt was being seriously bullied by Karofsky and then discovered he was actually also gay, he took great and extraordinary pains not to out him. Never mind that Kurt did this because Karofsky wasn’t ready and it would be wrong to force someone who isn’t ready out of the closet. Never mind that as recently as last episode, Mr. Shue, Coach Sylvester and Kurt’s dad all seemed super concerned about how terrible it was that Santana was being outed.

Nope, instead there are absolutely, positively, unquestionably zero consequences for Finn outing Santana. Not a talking to from Kurt, his gay step brother. Not a lecture from Burt, his super gay friendly step-dad. Not a dirty look from Rachel, his has-two-gay-dads girlfriend. Nope, just a gold star for essentially blackmailing Santana to come out or risk suspension from school. Isn’t he a stand-up guy? Hey, kids at home, out your friends and be a hero. Everyone’s doing it! Yay! Outings! YAYYYYY!

Look, life is better when you are out. This is almost universally true. But there are very real consequences for coming out for some – including but not limited to isolation, violence and worse. And there are equally real consequences for being outed – consequences which weren’t even glossed over. They were entirely ignored.

Also, what the hell was that throw-away line from Santana about: “I told my parents last night and they were actually OK with it.” How many exceptional scenes of the Kurt & Burt show did we have when he was dealing with his sexuality? Granted, it doesn’t and shouldn’t be the same response. But it shouldn’t be an afterthought. We didn’t even get to see Santana’s parents, let alone a whole paragraph of dialogue about their reaction?

The one well-played and meaningful scene in Santana’s entire outing saga was her quiet, powerful talk with her abuela at the kitchen table. That’s what “Glee” can do well, when it wants to. That’s the raw human condition that brings us all closer. That’s real fucking life.

Also, my heavens, how spectacular has Naya Rivera been through this whole mess? So spectacular. I will go down with the Brittana ship. I will be the violinist clinging to the deck as the water pours savagely into the hull. That’s how much I enjoy these characters and these actresses.

But, lord, do they deserve better than last night. In fact, this is the worst-case scenario I dreaded when I first heard spoilers about Santana’s outing. That it would happen in a “it’s for her own good” kind of way without any repercussions therefore sending the message that outing people because “dude, the whole school already knows” is perfectly OK and probably a good thing and possibly something they’ll give you a medal for.

The thing is, you can help your friends come out. You can support them. You can listen to them. You can encourage them. You can be there to dry their tears and squeeze their hand and find their strength. But that’s not outing. That’s not taunting someone with the possibility of the person she loves not loving her back. That’s not calling her a coward. That’s not what happened That’s not the kind of private, careful, meaningful support “Glee” showed. Not even close.

p.s. This would have been a wonderful place for, say, Brittany – you know, Santana’s girlfriend – to come in and privately encourage her. Brittany, who has been so supportive of Santana throughout her whole journey. Brittany who loves Santana more than anyone else in this world. But, no, that wouldn’t fit into the show’s pre-destined hero mold.

Speaking of that and this whole “it’s for her own good” shit, what was with all the menfolk being the saviors for the womenfolk this episode? Oh, I get it. This is the “Glee” where the boys all saved the girls from themselves. Gee thanks, mister. What would those frail ladies with our crazy lady brains have done without the guidance of a Finn or a Puck last night? Poor closeted Santana and poor nutso Quinn might have gone on forever without being rescued. And if men weren’t saving women, women were sacrificing themselves for me. Like Rachel turning herself in for Kurt. And when women weren’t being saved by men, or sacrificing for men, they were fighting over the big lugs (i.e. world’s least likely two points on the bottom of a man-topped love triangle, Sue and Beiste).

Oh, and of course there was the obligatory superficial female empowerment this episode. You know, when all the Glee gals rallied around Santana for a little girl-on-girl power in the form of that ridiculous, ridiculous ode to drunken making out. Still, as much as I hate hate hate that song, I couldn’t hate hate hate the performance because that, again, is the power of “Glee.” It takes preposterous things like a 30-year-old arena power ballad about believing and makes it give you automatic goosebumps. So, yes, I tried my best to set aside my hatred for Katy Perry’s co-opting of lesbian culture to enjoy the unapologetic eye candy of every Glee girl ship, crackship and ship you never knew you shipped cavorting together for our pleasure.

Still, we haven’t even begun to touch on Quinn and her storyline of pure crazy and the Puck-Shelby teacher-student carnival of inappropriateness. If we did, we’d be here all week.

Yes, I enjoyed the cheek kiss and thumbs up. And yes of course I enjoyed the big Brittana hug (though hello – NOW KISS). And, hell, I’ll even rewatch that ballot smooch. But, no, I do not have to accept that an episode titled” I Kissed a Girl” featured exactly zero girls actually kissing each other. And, no, I do not have to accept that an episode about coming to terms with one’s sexuality was really about the benefits of outing. And, oh hell no, I do not have to accept that in an episode that should have been all about women, men were its central heroes.

Also, I will never forgive Finn Hudson for ruining Cyndi Lauper for me. Or, as Santana put it so eloquently: “Thank you, guys. Thank you Finn, especially. You know, with all the horrible crap I’ve been through in my life, now I get to add that.”

Oh, Santana, honey. We’re right there with you.

Out of this world

Being gay means lots of things. It means you fall in love a little differently than most of the world. It means you are hated irrationally by some of the world. It means still don’t have all the same rights as the rest of the world. And it means you’re going to have to tell the world you’re gay and therefore all of those different, hated, unequal things in the first place. It’s a lot to ask of a person to admit to. Yet so many of us do because to not would mean to not be who we really are.

Still, coming out is always your choice. Because it’s your life. And no one can tell how to live your life. And no one can tell you who you are. Only you can do that for yourself. At your own time. When you are ready.

Last night’s “Glee” was many things. It was way too focused on the vomit-inducing student-teacher cliché that is Puck and Shelby. It was way too invested in this ridiculous Crazy Quinn storyline and its equally ridiculous commentary on adoption. It was too confused about election law and what constitutes legal, non-slanderous political advertising. And it was probably way too close to home for many young or questioning people who aren’t out of the closet.

Let’s get this out of the way immediately: No one has the right to out you. When you come out is up to you, period.

So then just because Santana can be a raging bitch sometimes, doesn’t mean she deserves to be outed. Just because she’s mean to Finn, doesn’t mean she deserves to be outed. Just because she hasn’t made the decision to be out for herself yet, doesn’t mean she deserves to be outed. Santana did not deserve to be outed.

The last four minutes of “Glee” last night were particularly powerful. And, no, not just because that Adele mash-up is still SOFA KING AMAZING even after 3,876 repeat viewings. But because it showed, through Naya Rivera’s extraordinarily nuanced performance, what it means to be outed. You can see Santana’s whole world crumble in an instant. “I can’t believe this is happening.” “I haven’t even told my parents yet.” It’s all there, on the surface. The panic. The fear. The despair.

And here’s the other thing about being gay. Straight people, even the super allies and the most supportive, they can’t know what it is to come out. They’ll never have to do it. They don’t know what it means. What a big step it is. What a difficult confession it can be to even just to ourselves. That’s not really their fault, but it’s also not their place to judge. So when Finn tells Santana in a crowded school hallway that she should come out of the closet, that’s not just getting revenge – that’s imploding a life. And when he calls her a “coward” for not being out, well, that is almost as bad as outing her. Also the stuff about Brittany maybe not loving her back, that was just fucking mean.

Being in the closet can be a terrible burden. Carrying a secret can crush you slowly. But being ripped out of the closet before you’re ready is even worse. There could be very real consequences from being outed. Being kicked out to losing your job to being bullied to being beaten to even worse. So, then being ready to face that, being prepared – well, that’s everything.

But then, here’s the thing about being out. It’s better when you’re out. Maybe not right away. Maybe not for a long time. But it’s better to be open. It’s better to accept and embrace and love who you are for all the world to see. And once the world sees you, it’ll see you’re not so scary – we’re not so scary. Coming out matters because knowing a gay person makes it hard to hate us unconditionally. It’s easier to hate blindly what you think you don’t know or think you haven’t met. Because, make no mistake, we are everywhere.

That’s why there is one important exception to the outing rule. Those who hide their truth while actively using their power and position against us, they shall be afforded no quarter. Those conservative politicians who vote against our right to equality under the law, but shtup strangers in airplane restrooms. Those powerful players who call us an abomination, yet hire rentboys to tend to them on the weekends. That’s not coming to terms with oneself, that’s just pure hypocrisy. And that will not stand.

So, yes, it is better when you’re out. But that doesn’t mean it’s better before you’re ready, before you’re safe, before you decide. For some of us it’s a lifelong journey. And that’s OK, too. The goal is always to be honest and happy with yourself. So we get up each day, look ourselves in the mirror, and hope we like the person staring back at us – however long it takes. And when you do, we’ll be here. Because while you may feel alone, you’re not alone. That’s the other thing about being gay, you get a whole new family. And we love you, unconditionally.

We got Wood

So Evan Rachel Wood likes girls. And boys. And even Marilyn Manson. (Rim shot!) Evan’s coming out as bisexual in the pages of Esquire magazine this week has caused the expected flurry of headlines that usually accompany such an announcement. That it isn’t a cover-of-Time worthy event anymore is, I think, a good thing. The days when such announcements made the cover of People magazine just might be over – at least for the everyday celebrities. I mean, I’m sure if Oprah decided to make such a proclamation she’d still warrant a cover, of course she’d use the cover of her own magazine. She’s not a gagillionaire for nothing.

Evan’s coming out came via the pages of Esquire accompanied by another one of her now patented 40s pin-up meets goth queen photoshoots. Pale skin plus naughty lingerie is never a bad idea. But something about it feels a little like playing up to the ultimate male fantasy. As if to wink and say, “She likes boys and girls, boys.” (That is not meant as a slam on bisexuals in any way, merely a comment on the magazine’s selling of the story.) Or perhaps I’m just jealous Esquire got to have both Ellen Evan and Heather Morris sex it up in the same issue. Still, it’s always, always, always lovely to have another star join our big, weird family. Though what’s in the water over there at “True Blood?” First Anna Paquin, now Evan. Good gravy, how I wish Sookie and Queen Sophie-Anne could have been a couple instead of Beeeel.

Evan apparently dropped three “hints” to the Esquire interviewer before he fully caught on. The first that she “was always into very androgynous things. Guys, girls ... I’m into androgyny in general.” The second she is free and single these days and “up for anything. Meet a nice guy, meet a nice girl.” And then the last was that she would marry her “Mildred Pierce” co-star Kate Winslet is she could. Though, that’s not really much of a hint. Get in line, sister. Everyone would marry Kate Winslet if they could. Once the interviewer finally clued in and asked her if she dated women, she answered with a proud “Yes.”

ESQ: “Do you look for different things in men than in women?”
ERW: “Yeah, I’m more kind of like the guy when it comes to girls. I’m the dominant one.” It’s with women, she says, that her inner North Carolina gentleman comes out: “I’m opening the doors, I’m buying dinner. Yeah, I’m romantic.”

I’ve always admired Evan’s work. She had basically grown up right in front of our eyes. From “Once and Again” to “Thirteen” and “Across the Universe” to “The Wrestler,” I’ve always admired that she tends to picked smaller, smarter projects instead of, say, a superhero’s girlfriend. So welcome to the fold, darling. I know you like to pick up the check, but today the first round is on me. In fact, I’ll buy you two. The second one if for that beautiful scene between Jessie and Katie in “Once & Again.” It moves me still.

The circle of (lesbian) life

I saw these photos of Kate Moennig a week ago when she retweeted them. And I was, of course, impressed. Yummy, yummy in my tummy. But then in the circular way that both life and my brain works, I came back to them this week and the pieces had all come together. The photos were taken by lesbian photographer Tasya van Ree. Who happens to be dating actress Amber Heard.

And then you dig a little deeper and Tasya knows Michelle Rodriguez. And out supermodel Tasha Tilberg. And, of course, back to Kate. Following the rabbit hole of who knows who and how and when in Hollywood is curiouser and curiouser than Alice could have ever imagined. And so the circle goes on and on.

I’m not very familiar with Amber, other than that she is a very pretty young woman. While she has starred in the “Pineapple Express” and “Zombieland,” the only thing I recall ever seeing her in was an episode of “Criminal Minds” where, interestingly, her crazed stalker was a woman. But she is a welcome addition to what I hope will be a new and expectation defying wave of young gay Hollywood stars. While they’ve been out and about for what appears to be years (or at the very least known each other for years), the couple really made a splash appearing last week at the Prop. 8 rally hand-in-hand with some really fantastic signs.

A year ago Amber told Details:

“I’m open to whoever. I think it is absurd to assume that I have to look in a certain category. A person should make choices—about who they want to marry, who they want to spend time with, who they want to fuck—based on a variety of options, and I hope that one day people will be more open-minded about that. It’s silly to look in one category or another. I would never imagine a mate based on a certain sex or race.”

Of course, actresses saying they’re “open to whoever” is one thing. Having a real girlfriend that you walk the dog with and go to protests with and pose for sexy photoshoots with that’s another.

Next for Amber is the Johnny Depp take on Hunter S. Thompson’s “The Rum Diaries.” The whole thing should be gorgeous because it has Johnny and Amber and is set in 1960s Puerto Rico . I have already put it on my “To Do” list. It makes a difference when someone is out, open, honest. Each person, every time. And so the circle expands.

Celebrate Cinco

Happy Cinco de Gayo! I think we should start celebrating this every year. I mean, we already love margaritas, so really it’s not even a stretch. And if a closeted celebrity wants to come out on this day, I say that in addition to the standard-issue welcome gift of a toast oven we give her a margarita maker as a bonus. It only seems fair. That means Chely Wright and the other mystery (at least until 9am) country singer coming out today* should stock up on ice and tequila, because it’s time to salt some rims. Wow, that sounded unintentionally dirty. Sweet. Welcome to the family, ladies. In honor of this new national gayday, let’s revel in the very best thing about being a lesbian: kissing girls.

My Top 5 Movie Kisses:

5. Gia and Linda, “Gia”

What’s so fantastic about this through-the-fence kiss is not necessarily the kiss. And, surprisingly, it’s not the nakedness. It’s the way Angelina lunges toward Elizabeth, like a hungry animal.

4. Megan and Graham, “But I’m a Cheerleader”

Mostly just because I too have had sweet, sweet dreams of kissing Clea DuVall.

3. Vivian and Cay, “Desert Hearts”

This kiss single-handedly made me rethink my opinion of rain.

2. Rachel and Luce, “Imagine Me & You”

Lena Headey and a bed of roses. Piper Perabo must have been very good in a past life.

1. Camille and Petra, “When Night is Falling”

This kiss proves that not all kisses need to be on the lips to count.

And since this is my list, I get to cheat and add another. This kiss proves that they’re pretty damn good on the lips, too.

That flock of birds that takes off is serendipitous. And perfect.

So, show me yours. Best kisses, ladies – share some for Cinco.

* Curve proves once again that it suuuucks by teasing us and saying another country star was coming out today. But who was that country star: Chely Wright.

Who the hell is Chely Wright?

Yes, I had to Google her, too. Like many of you, I had no idea who Chely Wright was before this weekend. I’m not a country music fan (well, except for classic country – Willie, Patsy, Johnny – sorry, I digress), so I had no idea that Chely won Best New Artist from the Academy of Country Music Awards in 1995, had a No. 1 hit with “Single White Female” in 1999 or made People’s “50 Most Beautiful People” in 2001. When the guessing game began about who would be the gay to come out on the People magazine cover May 5, I sure didn’t guess Chely. But evidence has mounted and now Queerty, TMZ and Gawker seem to have all-but confirmed that it’s her save for the tell-tale “Yep, I’m gay”-magazine cover. (Note: People confirmed it was Chely today.)

Now, at first glance Chely might not trip anyone’s gaydar – I mean, not even one tiny ping. She is not any of the standard stereotypes of what a lesbian looks, sounds or acts like. But I think the country music trappings (i.e. makeup, big hair, twang) are just throwing us off. If we look closer, we can see that the signs are indeed there.

[Click to enlarge for research purposes only. Ahem.]

Novelty T-ShirtsBig, Chunky BeltsTank Tops

Extra bonus points for the hands tucked gayly in her pockets.

And then there’s the 2002 People magazine feature about her glamorous look.

Her sister Jennifer says of their childhood in Kansas:
“We were such tomboys. We swam in the pond in our shorts and had mud fights. Beauty was never anything Chely strove for.”

Her friend and singer Keith Urban:
“She can kick your ass whether it’s on the golf course or softball field. I wouldn’t get near her – unless she was on my team!”

Her own words:
“For a long time I had a chip on my shoulder: ‘What about the music? I’m a writer. I’m a producer. I’m a singer. But then I started working with all the tools on my toolbelt.”

Tomboys. Shorts. Softball. Playing on the wrong team. Chips on shoulders. TOOL BELTS. Come on, people.

Her (allegedly) pending announcement brings a new, delicious layer of irony to her biggest hit, “Single White Female.” She’s looking for a man like you. And by you, she means the woman sitting next to that man. And, once again, the visual cues are there. The “man” of her dreams is reading “A Primer to Jungian Psychology.” Psychology! And her little leather-clad backup singer seems awfully enamored with her. Girl crush!

Silly signs scavenger hunt aside, if Chely is the big Cinco de Gaymo it doesn’t have to be a letdown. Sure, we all had fun dreaming about one of the Mega (Again, Allegedly) Closet Gays coming out – your Andersons, your Latifahs, your Oprahs. And then for a hot second we thought it might be Shelby Lynne (who I knew was gay the minute a friend showed me her first breakout album cover). But Chely would still be the first major maintstream country star to come out – like ever. She would be coming out in a genre not know for its inclusiveness or acceptance of gays – gay rodeo aside. And she would be coming out to a fanbase who I would suspect live in some of the reddest states in the union – we’re talking Palin country. These are all big fucking deals that Joe Biden would certainly give his blessings.

Like Jennifer Knapp, whose coming out sent a jolt through the Christian community, Chely’s revelation could be that initial Toby Keith-esque boot in the ass to the country establishment. How will they embrace an openly gay performer? How will country radio treat her? How will her fans react? So much of what we do in this fight for gay rights is just preaching to the choir. You can give as many impassioned speeches as you want, but if the only people listening are supporters you’re not really making any headway. But for someone like Chely to come out and face what will surely be a backlash is something else. If, say, a Michelle Rodriguez came out I really doubt too many of her fans would say, “You mean that tough chick in the tank top likes other chicks? I’m shocked! I hate her now!” But that’s exactly (minus the tough chick stuff, or not – ask Keith Urban) what some of Chely’s fans might be saying to themselves tonight. This is exactly the audience we need to reach.

And then, on a big picture level, this revelation has thrown the rules of celebrity coming outs on their head. I mean, in the old days celebrities ran from gay rumors until either 1) someone caught them down or 2) they just got tired of running. Now, by all appearances, Chely is using her gay announcement as a way to generate positive publicity. I mean, who ever heard of announcing your coming out beforehand as a way to build buzz? This whole thing is timed perfectly with the May 4 releases of her new CD, “Lifted Off the Ground,” and her new memoirs, “Like Me: Confessions of a Heartland Country Singer.” Press material for her memoirs calls it “a book of revelation: honest, inspiring and true.” Like me? Revelations? Honest? Shorthand: Yay Gay!

Other interesting tidbits about Chely:

• She has kept a video blog since about 2007.
• She performs overseas for the troops with the USO.
• She moved to New York in 2008.
• She is loved by Kristin Chenoweth.
• She is going to be on the “Today” show Wednesday.
• She looks amazingly cute in glasses.

Hello sexy librarian, rawwwr.

So, welcome if indeed you’re the one we’ll be welcoming, Chely. I just met you, but I know you’ll make a lovely addition to the family. Though, and I mean this just as a bit of friendly advice, you’re going to want to cut those nails. Ye-and-Oww.

Also, and I mean this sincerely too, thank you for the tank tops.

p.s. What’s in the water out there in Kansas, ladies? Melissa, Jennifer and now Chely. Behind wheat and tornadoes, gay gals with big voices seem to be your state’s chief export.

p.p.s. Chely also did an interview with The Advocate talking about her coming out. I think this quote sums it up pretty well:

“I grew up feeling like there was no one else, no one that I could relate to. I felt like there was no one else like me, which is why I called the book Like Me. Even though this process has been incredibly difficult, I’ve still enjoyed a very fortunate life. Even if my career in country music ends, I know I will be OK. But I think about that girl in a small town in Louisiana who is too afraid to come out because she knows she won’t be safe. I think about that 15 year old boy living somewhere in Kansas, feeling scared and alone. If a country singer that he knows comes out of the closet, maybe that makes him feel a little less alone. And what about his parents? Maybe his mom knows my songs, or maybe his dad saw me perform for the troops in Iraq. If my coming out of the closet makes them rethink their ideas about gay people, then I’ve done something good. After finally coming to terms with my own life, I just felt like it would be irresponsible for me not to be honest about it.,”

p.p.s. Oh, and she has apparently never asked a girl out before. May I humbly offer my services as a test case.

Full of grace

I did not know who Jennifer Knapp was before last week. Really, no idea. You could have told me we went to high school together and I would have smiled and nodded. But then she came out, and all of a sudden I know and care about who Jennifer Knapp is. It’s not just that she’s gay – though congrats and expect your toaster oven in four to six weeks. It’s that she was a hero to the evangelical Christian community and is now openly gay. Which, you know, whoa.

Religion is not a topic I talk about with any authority or frequency. I grew up in a liberal household, science was our champion. Church happened sometimes at Christmas, but basically just for the music as midnight mass. I don’t believe you need religion to teach you right from wrong, but I understand the inclination to feel faith in something larger than yourself. It’s the application of faith by some that bothers me so. They use it as a weapon to deny, denigrate and dominate others. And I have a big, big problem with that.

So to see someone who has so clearly thought long and hard about what it means to be a person of a faith in a faith that does not necessarily have faith in her is both fascinating and inspiring. Jennifer has sold a million albums, won a Dove award and has been nominated for a Grammy. Apparently there had always been rumors throughout her career that she was a lesbian. But then in 2002 she left music, for seven years. And now she is back with interviews in The Advocate and Christianity Today (that’s not a combo you see every day, eh?), where she comes out and talks about her long-term relationship with her girlfriend. [Also, look for her interview in the coming days with Heather Hogan at AfterEllen.com.]

Having heard her new album, “Letting Go” (available May 11), I can tell you that it is very gay. Not Katy Perry gay, but gay-gay. There is nothing coquettish or teasing about her words. They are straight-forward, open. They speak of a love that is finally now speaking its name. They’re freeing. They’re lovely. Have I mentioned that they’re so very gay?

For those unfamiliar with her work, she sounds a bit like a younger Melissa Etheridge. She is also a Kansas gal with a big booming voice, deep in that way that tends to weaken gay gals’ knees. She is a classic singer-songwriter type who would fit seamlessly into a Lilith Fair lineup, which she just so happens to be doing this summer. Her new album is not explicitly Christian, though that is very firmly her background and her fanbase. So for her to come out is – to get all Joe Biden on the situation – a Big Fucking Deal.

And now we wait and see how it all turns out. I have to say, I’m not too optimistic that everyone will embrace her. I went to find her music on YouTube and the first video that came up was titled “Jennifer Knapp symbolizes hell-bound Christianity.” It went on to explain how there is no such thing as a gay Christian. You know, kind of like a unicorn – a gay unicorn. P.S. Don’t read the comments on some of her videos. They’ll just make your head explode. At times it seems that the chasm between us and those who think we are abominations will never be bridged. It only grows deeper and darker. The will is just not there, at least from their side. But perhaps people who loved Jennifer then will realize that she is the same Jennifer now. Just happier. Honest. Loved.

Still even if those who once flocked to her now turn their backs, she should certainly find a warm and welcoming home among her gay fans – the old ones and what I suspect will be many more new ones. I think that she will discover that we, too, are a faithful lot. Once we love you, we’ll love you forever. And your cat. Hey, we’re being honest here.

A few live sampling:

“Letting Go”


“Dive In”


“Inside”

See what I was saying? She is so gay. So gay.

Ain’t no nothing we can’t love each other through

Yep, Elyse Keaton is gay. Meredith Baxter (I will always and forever want to add the Birney) came out yesterday on “Today.” Never in my wildest wishful thinking would I have imagined that the “Family Ties” mom was actually a lesbian. Hoped? Sure. Dreamed? The naughty kind.

Her interview on “Today” was direct, honest and thoughtful. At 62, it’s definitely better late than never. A late-in-life coming out is no easier than an early-in-life coming out. In fact, it might be harder given decades of expectations and self-identifying that must be overcome. But I think Meredith handled herself with style and poise, sensitivity and candor. This is all we can ask hope for from our celebrities after all, that they share their essential truth – whatever that is – with us.

Watch her segment here. (Sorry if it won’t play internationally – Here’s a recap: She’s gay. She’s in a relationship. She’s still hot.)

I like how Matt almost said “Congratulations!” at the end of the interview. Really, they are in order. But the best part about that whole thing? Her saying: “I am extraordinarily happy.” Because, in the end, that’s what it’s all about: Being happy. Being who we are makes us happy. Being accepted for who we are makes us happy. Being in love makes us happy. Being accepted for who we love makes us happy.

This gay thing is so simple yet so complicated. It wraps around so many of the cornerstones of basic human existence like love, sex and faith yet in the end it boils down to just this: being happy.

As an enormous, enormous, enormous (yes, a third enormous – that enormous) fan of “Family Ties” growing up, this news is momentous on so many levels. Initially I watched because I had a ridiculously acute crush on Michael J. Fox. I justify said crush now by saying that if you tilt your head and squint, Alex P. Keaton looks like a petite, preppy butch girl. But I also harbored a deep and secret mom crush on Meredith. She was everything I though was great: Smart. Compassionate. Spunky. Liberal. Beautiful. And she’s got a mean right hook.

Now add “Gay” and “In a tank top” and I’ve just found heaven.

To this day impassioned speech making coupled with blue-eyed, blonde-haired All-American attractiveness is a weakness of mine. But none did it better than Meredith as she battled with her Reagan-worshiping, Brooks Brother-wearing TV son. In fact, her revelation today settles it: Elyse Keaton made me gay.

[T-shirt design courtesy StuntDouble]

Look, America. The Brady Bunch dad was gay. The Family Ties mom is gay. These are the people you already love and trust and admire. That they’re gay doesn’t change that one bit. Plus, it’s another argument for gay marriage: End fictitious TV divorces.

Meredith also did an interview with The Advocate, which features a great, “You are glasses” moment. Gosh, do you think she is a Callica fan?

Q: And was that a revelation or just a slow aha! moment?
A: No, it was pretty much a revelation. The analogy I’ve used is a story [from] when I was a kid. I never could see very well and I said something to my parents and it kind of went unnoticed, or no one really responded to it. I guess I didn’t make enough noise. When I was 12 I tried on a [friend’s] pair of glasses and I was stunned with how clearly I could see. In truth, I used to think trees looked like lollipops because there was a solid stake and this solid ball. I didn’t know most people could see leaves. Oh, this is how the world is perceived? That’s kind of what having that second relationship made me realize — that this is where I want to be because I was dead to the world in many other ways. I’ve been married three times, and I have a slew of children, but I’ve never felt that kind of connection before in that kind of awakening. It was very profound for me.

Awww. Don’t you just want to hug her – or something more? So welcome, Mama Keaton. You will always be a tender, wonderful, influential part of my childhood. And now I couldn’t be prouder or happier to get to call you a member of the family. Sha la la la.

Can I get a witness

So, fine, this is sort of old news. But, sheesh people, I was on vacation. And, given how long it took for Kelly to officially declare herself one of the family, I think I deserve a grace period. Right, so Kelly McGillis – lesbian crush for anyone old enough to remember the 80s and/or has ever rented “Top Gun” (or, better yet, “Witness”) – came out last week saying she was “done with the man thing” and that she was looking for “definitely a woman” for her next relationship. Aren't we all, honey.

Now this is one of those worst-kept secrets in Hollywood. So while it's not a surprise it is a confirmation. And, it also gives me warm, nostalgic thoughts to one of the greatest rumored lesbian affairs of quite possibly all time. I speak, of course, of the great Jodie Foster-Kelly McGillis fling on the set of “The Accused.” Now, depending on what version you've heard, Whitney Houston may have completed this triangle. But, quite frankly, that's too much gay for me to process at this moment. So instead I'd like to expound on the ramifications of Kelly's recent revelations in light of the past rumors of a relationship vis-à-vis Jodie's sort-of-basically-almost-all-the-way outing of herself.

In short, to summarize, for review: Dude, they totally hooked up!

I'd also like to take this opportunity to mourn what might have been had both been more out at the time. We could have had this, world. Talk about taking your breath away for real.

Also, as an added side benefit, that crazy couch jumper may never have been able to kidnap Katie Holmes. To quote the 80s once more: could've been so beautiful, could've been so right...

Gay, really gay

Welcome back, Clementine. Please sit down and make yourself comfortable. Seriously, you're giving me whiplash, girl. So Clementine Ford is officially out. And, yes, she has filed all the requisite paperwork and has already receive her complimentary toaster oven. As she told The Advocate: “Look, I am gay, and I just wanted there not to be this big emphasis on it.” Wouldn't we all, Clementine, wouldn't we all.

The interview went into intricate detail (seriously, is this The Advocate or Soap Opera Digest?) about Clementine's role on “The Young & the Restless,” which starts today. But it also cleared the air on the whole Diva vs. TV Guide vs. clarity smackdown Clementine's words were seemingly having with each other. From The Advocate:

Q: Let’s clear the air on the interview that ran recently with Diva magazine, in which the cover read “Clementine Ford Comes Out.” In the piece, it sort of intimated you came out and that you had an affair with your costar of The L Word, Kate Moennig. Then you did an interview with TV Guide magazine where you attempted to clarify. It sort of has given you some pushback from fans. Can you tell us what happened?
A: It’s funny. I was having kind of a rough day. My best friend sent me a text saying, “You have to see this.” So I went online to see this link and I read the comments and I go, “They hate me!” When I did the TV Guide interview I was angry because there is the whole perception now that I came out and I went back in. And what upset me was, I felt that because I did not "come out" in that interview, I felt it was unfair to fans that bought the magazine expecting to get a tearful story that says “I’m gay.” I thought it was misleading, and now because I was upset by that cover, I am apparently back in the closet and people hate me.

Q: But can you understand how some people may have been confused when in a magazine piece you are quoted like that?
A: There are people who get it, and get what my original meaning was. Just as I was talking about story lines being a nonissue on The L Word; it should just be these people are gay and it’s part of life. I think with that article, and what came across as ambiguity, was actually my attempt at making it a nonissue. Look, I am gay, and I just wanted there not to be this big emphasis on it.

So, pretty much, Clementine is gay and wants it to be OK. Which is OK with me. We all want it to be OK, a nonissue, just part of life. And, thankfully, the more that folks like Clementine and others come out, the more it will be OK, a nonissue, just part of life. Welcome to the family, honey. Enjoy the toast.

An outie or an innie?

So what are we to make of the “look who came out/look who went in”-case of Clementine Ford? The all caps headline on last month's Diva magazine cover couldn't have been bigger or clearer: CLEMENTINE FORD COMES OUT. Woo and hoo! Break out the feather boas and strike up the band; it's time for a personalized pride parade. Happy gay gals all over the world were excited to watch the final month's worth of “The L Word” episodes for a glimpse of their newly-out heroine. It was like she earned her Advanced Placement Gay, Graduate Level Gay and Doctorate in Fucking Gay overnight.

But now flash forward six weeks. “The L Word” is over, Clementine Ford is about to join the cast of “The Young & The Restless” and she is also no longer proclaiming her outness. In fact, she says she never came out in an interview with TV Guide magazine.

From TV Guide:

Q: Let’s discuss this Diva magazine cover story. You sorta kinda maybe came out as a lesbian. Um, right?
A: [Groaning] I’m sooo glad you asked. The first thing that really upset me was that the cover line said “Clementine Ford Comes Out” which, clearly if you read the article, I did not come out. It was really misleading and full of misquotes to sell the magazine. If someone’s buying it to see that I came out, well, get your money back.

Whoa, wait, what? Alright, let's read the article and see what exactly she said on the matter. Read it in full for yourself here. [Hat tip, uhhuhherfan.com!]

From Diva on the rumors about her and Kate Moennig:

“Well, the truth is...” she begins, measuring her words carefully. “The truth is that I'm not technically out yet. Put that in your magazine. For me, there's never been a distinction about anything to do with sexuality, so there was no declaration to be made. My siblings and I would bring home men and women, and as long as they were human it wasn't a big deal.” Gosh, Clementine Ford has just come out. Well, as a woman who dates women, at least. She's not big on labels, more of which later.

Then later, from Diva on labels:

“I never want to put a label on myself — but knowing that not everyone comes from such a liberal place, when something like Prop. 8 [banning gay marriage in California] comes out, you realize it’s important to stand up and be counted. A little gay kid in a small town is more important than whether I want a label.”

OK, sure, she doesn't say she is gay or lesbian or bisexual in so many words. She says she is “not technically out,” but has brought home “men and women.” Infer what you will, I guess. I infer when she says “put that in your magazine” that she is making some sort of solidarity statement. That said, I would have asked a slew of very specific follow-up questions, like “Wait, did you just come out?” and “So do you consider yourself lesbian, bisexual, queer as Christmas?” and “You know we're going to put your face with an all caps headline about coming out on the cover, right?” I'm not saying the reporter didn't ask those questions, but it's not apparent either way from the story.

TV Guide apparently shared my confusion, because they did ask a follow-up to her un-outing.

From TV Guide:

Q: But I did read the article and you do say “The truth is that I’m not technically out yet.” You go on to admit that, even though you were married to actor Todd Hunter for four years, you’ve also dated women. And you perpetuated the rumors that you and Kate Moennig had a thing while shooting The L Word. Are you just a big ol’ tease?
A: [Ignoring the question] That Diva article also picked up quotes from a podcast interview I did with AfterEllen.com where the interviewer asked me if the sex on The L Word was real and I very jokingly said “Yes, we actually had sex. The L Word is porn. The secret’s out!” And the Diva writer printed it as fact that Kate and I had real sex on camera! I was like, “Oh, my God, I hate you!” I almost wrote a nasty letter and then I stopped myself because I thought, if anyone is stupid enough to actually believe that Showtime would let us have real sex, then that’s not my problem. So that was that. But it made me very angry.

Classic misdirection. Don't answer the real question, but show indignation over another, somewhat-related question. And, she certainly has a point to be indignant about. Diva did get it terribly, horribly wrong when it came to her This Just Out With Liz Feldman appearance. [Catch it at the 17:10 mark.]

From Diva on the Molly/Shane sex scenes:

When she and Moennig were performing their sex scenes [she told Liz Feldman on the AfterEllen website], they wanted it to look as authentic as possible, so they actually had sex on the set – but when "Phyllis" walked in in them, Clementine felt distinctly uncomfortable

From This Just Out on the Molly/Shane sex scenes:

Liz: It was very realistic and I was watching it and I was like that looks like real sex. Was it?
Clementine: Yes. The L Word is porn.
Liz: You said that sarcastically, but I've said that in sincerity.

Wow, Diva, way to be utterly unclear on the concept of sarcasm.

So could Diva have gotten it all wrong, jumped to conclusions, wildly misquoted? Sure, sure and definitely. The TJO misunderstanding shows that at the very least something is on the verge of being rotten in the state of Denmark. So if they took Clementine's somewhat ambiguous statement of solidarity and twisted it into something it's not just to sell magazines, shame on them. Seriously, boo. This helps no one.

Still, what bothers me most about this about face is the timing. If Clementine had never come out, never meant to imply that she came out, never really been any kind of queer in the first place, why wouldn't she have said something right away? Why wait, conveniently, until after “The L Word” has completed its run, when all of the overwhelming support she could garner from this sort of revelation has been used up and she was instead about to appear on a very mainstream, very straight show?

I believe Clementine is a sincere and compassionate supporter of the GLBT community. This won't change that. But there is something very off-putting and sickeningly familiar about this in/out/in dance. The stars flirt with us, give an interview (often with the gay press) where they proclaim some sort of bisexuality and then maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe years later tell another media outlet that they were never were gay in the first place or just misquoted or plain old wrong. For reference please see Megan Mullally, Nelly Furtado, et al. This kind of bisexuality backpedaling is, sadly, nothing new when it comes to celebrities.* But it sure does make me tired.

Well, what do you think? Backpedal? Misquote? Labelphobia? Sigh. I guess it's time to put the feather boa back in the closet, so to speak.

*p.s. Clearly, I don't mean that backpedaling is an inherent part of bisexuality. Banish. The. Thought. It's this kind of fauxsexual thing that makes it hard for bisexual women to fight unfair stereotypes.

My darling Clementine

So my gaydar totally needs a tuneup because Clementine Ford did not ping it even a little, even at all. I mean, sure, she had a certain matter-of-factness about her that lends itself to speculation. But full-on “Yes I Am”-status? Um, no. I think all I really thought every time I saw Clementine was, damn, that girl looks like her mother.

Which, of course, is why the news that she has come out on the cover of the March issue of Diva magazine is so great. She says:

“I never want to put a label on myself — but knowing that not everyone comes from such a liberal place, when something like Prop 8 comes out, you realize it’s important to stand up and be counted. A little gay kid in a small town is more important than whether I want a label.

For me, there’s never been a distinction about anything to do with sexuality, so there was no declaration to be made. My siblings and I would bring home men and women, and as long as they were human it wasn’t a big thing.”

Of course, it's still a tad ambiguous as the what she is being counted as: lesbian, bi, heteroflexible, homoflexible, queerer than a $3 bill, whathaveyou. But considering that Leisha is one of the only out-more-than-in-just-lip-service stars of “The L Word,” I'll take all I can get. So huzzah! Fantastic news. Welcome to the family, Clementine. I'm not even going to do the juvenile thing where I compare your name to citrus. Oops, damn.

In the article, Clementine also implies that she is dating a woman and says, “but it’s new and I wouldn’t call it a relationship. I don’t want to say too much and jinx it.”

And with that the great Who Is She Sleeping With guessing game begins. She has already addressed the Kate Moennig rumors saying they're just “really good friends.” So I guess there is no Sholly in real life. A quick run through the lazy person's favorite stalking tool Google and I found out that she is also some sort of friend with musician Meghan Toohey (one of her Myspace photos is credited to “clementine 'you betta credit my ass' ford”).

And since no game of WISSW can be complete without some sort of personal connection, earlier this winter I went to see Lenka and was watching her band when I thought, “Who is that cute little lesbian on guitar?” So I went home that night and – of course – Googled and said cute little lesbian on guitar was none other than, yep, Meghan Toohey. Obscure? Yes. True? Yes.

I also noticed the “Ariel” name necklace Clementine has worn to several events. But her sister's name is Ariel, so that's a dead end. What? Stop judging. You know WISSW is totally your favorite game. Well, after – as StuntDouble already stated – Gay Projection 101. That's even a game Clementine has played herself.

“Mum and Jane (Lynch) have such a great energy together, on screen and off," Ford said. "They’re still friends. I want them to be together so badly; it’s my secret dream.”

So true. Though I think I've had my own personal, secret dreams involving Jane Lynch, too. Oh, The Reamer. Call me.

So, did Clementine ping your collective 'dars? I even went back to watch her August appearance on This Just out With Liz Feldman to see if I missed anything. But other than being eternally thankful for her decision to wear a black tank top that day, I still didn't get the vibe. Guess I really do need a tune-up.

p.s. If you want a gaydar field test, check out Liz's new third season of This Just Out which so far features two out gay ladies and two my-private-life-is-private gay ladies. It's perfect practice.
p.p.s. Oh and on a spoilery note, something tells me we may not have seen the end of Sholly just yet.