Naked Lady Monday: TLW Edition

So while I took Leap Day to bemoan the lack of Jennifer Beals on our TVs, I know plenty of “The L Word” alums are gainfully employed and gracing our screens (large and small) with their post-Chaiken magnificence. So, because it’s Monday and because some of you seemed somewhat perplexed by the clothing-optional selections I posted of their former coworker, I thought I’d double down. How about a little Naked Lady Monday with the hard-working former ladies of TLW? These lovely former ladies of the L all have interesting projects and programs they’re working on. And that they look god not entirely clothed? Well, that’s a sure bet. (As always, sort of NSFW. But, come on, you know you want to peek.)

Sarah ShahiThe artist formerly known as Carmen returns for the second season of “Fairly Legal” March 16 on USA. She’ll be back as legal mediator Kate Reed who usually wears considerably more clothes than this while solving complex legal disputes.

Janina GavankarThe artist formerly known as Papi will return as a series regular on True Blood this summer on HBO. She plays shifter Luna, who kind of has forever redefined my image of a beautiful wild pony running free across the planes.

Kate MoennigThe artist formerly known as Shane has signed onto the Showtime pilot “Ray Donovan,” where she will play gay once again as the “dark, intense” right hand gal to the title character L.A. P.I. to the rich and famous. Via the pilot script, we first see her waking up next to lovely lady in bed. Guess we all know who she’s looking very like that day.

Mia KirshnerThe artist formerly known as Jenny had a recurring role on “The Vampire Diaries” last season. She can next be seen on the big screen alongside True Blood vamp Stephen Moyer in the horror film “The Barrens,” about a family being stalked by the Jersey Devil. Hmmm, maybe it killed Jenny.

Lauren Lee SmithThe artist formerly known as the Soup Chef joined the second season of the Canadian psychic drama The Listener, and will return for its third season debuting later this year. I’m not going to lie, I miss the red hair.

Leisha HaileyThe artist formerly known as Alice is still as adorable as ever. But instead of acting she’s making merry music with her band Uh Huh Her. And they even have a new video out, with “So You Think You Can Dance” runner-up and out dancer Sasha Mallory.



Definitely NSFW:

Pam GrierThe artist formerly known as Kit starred alongside Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts in “Larry Crowne” last year. The inimitable Ms. Grier can next be seen in the action film “The Man with the Iron Fists” with Russell Crowe and Lucy Liu. To quote every line of Kit’s dialogue ever, “You go, baby girl!”

NOTE: No, clearly, this is not a comprehensive update of all the past TLW regulars. Those without current performing projects on the large or small screen were left off on purpose.

My Weekend Crush

So, remember when Leisha Hailey and Camila Grey were kicked off a Southwest flight for kissing? And we were all Rage! Indignation! Protest! That’s kinda hot! Because, let’s face it, the leading ladies of Uh Huh Her are kinda hot. All sorts of hot. And talented. And, yeah, hot. I’ve enjoyed Uh Huh Her’s seductive, melodic music from the start. Their sound is, for lack of a better word, sexy. I think “Explode” ranks among my favorite hook-up songs of all time. I’ve been a fan of Leisha’s music since before Alice Pieszecki was even a glimmer in Ilene Chaiken’s eye, when I found a Murmurs CD in the bargain bin and fell in love at first listen. But while Leisha has been out for ages, Camila only recently had an official coming out via Kissgate. So here we have this fantastic queer duo being fantastic together in public. Uh Huh Her made their national TV debut on Jimmy Kimmel this week. So now what we’ve known for years is being shared with the wider world, finally. And one would think they can only fall under their sexy spell as well. Well done, ladies. To celebrate, how about a kiss? What? It never hurts to ask. Happy weekend, all.

Kiss this, Southwest

Do you know how to make a lot of lesbians really angry really fast? Be mean to Alice Pieszecki. In what seems like a plot out of “The L Word,” but is actual real and infuriating life, Leisha Hailey and her partner were escorted off a Southwest flight yesterday after kissing. Yes, in the year 2011 two gay ladies can’t kiss on an airplane without it being the end of the goddamn fucking world.

Leisha took to her twitter account last afternoon to express her justifiable outrage. (Click to enlarge. Read from the bottom to the top for the correct chronology).

So at Southwest bags fly free, but gay ladies can’t fly at all?

My outrage at this is multifold, and only compounded by Southwest’s official statement on the incident, released hours later. It read, in part:

“Initial reports indicate that we received several passenger complaints characterizing the behavior as excessive. Our crew, responsible for the comfort of all Customers on board, approached the passengers based solely on behavior and not gender. The conversation escalated to a level that was better resolved on the ground, as opposed to in flight.”

I think Southwest’s spell check is broken because they typed the word “excessive” when they really meant “gay.” You know, they’re pretty much interchangeable for some people. Now, I’ve flown a lot in my day. Across the state, across the country, across the oceans. And I have seen a lot of straight couples kiss on airplanes. A lot. And sometimes vigorously. But I have never seen a straight couple asked to stop kissing on an airplane. And I have never seen a straight couple escorted off for complaining that they were asked to stop kissing on an airplane. Never. Not once.

The Uh Huh Her twitter feed responded in kind, refuting this whole “excessive” business:

Besides that clear double standard (which blames the gays for daring to be gay and also daring to kiss while being gay), Southwest is essentially shrugging off its responsibility for its actions by claiming they were just reacting to passenger complaints. So, if some wingnut says he doesn’t like Asian people on his flight, would Southwest then – because it says is “responsible for the comfort of all Customers on board” – ask those Asian people to leave? If a homophobic passenger doesn’t like to see gay people show affection toward each other, why do his rights trump the couple’s rights? How is that more of a “family” value than embracing love – in all of its variations? This from the company that calls itself the LUV Airline.

Now, the naysayers (and there are always sayers making with the nay – this is the internet, it practically breeds them) will say that gays should just cool it with the PDA. That all PDA is uncomfortable and should not be allowed for anyone – but, you know, especially that icky gay kind that has the potential to make “normal” Americans have to explain to their kids that the world is a big place and not everyone is the same or some such socialist malarkey.

They say when gay people kiss in public they “want attention” or are “rubbing it in other people’s faces” or “whatever other homophobic bullshit I can say to mask the deep insecurity I feel about my own sexuality and that one time at summer camp with my cute counselor.” To those people I want to make a rational argument about how affection between straight and gay couples is no different, and what is acceptable for one should be just as acceptable for the other. But mostly I just want to tell those people to go fuck themselves. Truly, I could not be more sincere about that.

Look, I highly doubt Leisha and her lady friend were trying to go all Bette Porter at the opera on each other in their seats. Nothing about modern air travel is even the least bit conducive to a frisky finger bang session. Instead, like a lot of couples do, they shared a small smooch or two before the plane took off. Again, like a lot of couples do. If a straight couple did it, these same so-called complainers would probably say “Awwww.” Because a gay couple did it they said “Ewwww.”

Keep in mind, this is also the airline that kicked Greenday’s Billie Joe Armstrong off one of its planes for wearing saggy pants and director Kevin Smith off one of its planes for being too, in his own words, “fat.” And those are just the famous people they’ve wronged. They also have that pilot who accidentally broadcast his homophobic, misogynistic rant about “gays,” “grannies” and “grandes” to all the planes in the Houston area. Ironically, they’re also the official airlines of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

What is most frustrating about this, besides the obvious inequality and homophobia, is that every gay person already has an internal monitor that she or he uses to regulate public behavior. It’s mostly subconscious, often just instinctual. But it has been ingrained in us from the moment we realized we were different. I call it the “Is It Worth It?” Meter. It’s that meter tells us how fully we can be ourselves and when it is worth the consequences. For the most part, the answer is always yes. Yes, it’s worth it to be out. Yes, it’s worth it to be public. Yes, it’s worth it to hold your girlfriend’s hand at the movie theater.

But then there are times when it simply is not worth it. No, it’s not worth it to tell the douchey coffee guy who always tries to hit on you because it will only make him hit on you harder, and with more lesbian jokes. No, it’s not worth it to keep holding your girlfriend’s hand when you’re walking home late at night and nearing a large group of unruly men.

So for every person out there who persists on thinking we’re just shoving our big gay agenda into their faces, trust me – we’ve thought about the consequences of what we’re doing a lot more than you ever have. And we do what we do because we’ve decided that it’s worth it – despite all the bullshit – to be who we are. Because to self-censor ourselves for other people’s so-called comfort isn’t doing the world any favors. In fact, it hurts the world to let this double standard exist that says one kind of love is more acceptable than another kind of love. We think long and hard and endlessly about many of the simple gestures that straight people just take for granted.

So each time gay people demand to be treated equal, cry foul against discrimination and simply dare to give the person we love a kiss before the plane takes off, we chip away at that double standard. We stake our claim on our own equality. We say, I have the right to do this. If that makes you uncomfortable world, well, that’s your fucking problem. It’s not excessive to kiss someone you love, Southwest Airlines. And it is definitely worth it.

EDIT: Leisha Hailey and Camila Grey of Uh Huh Her have released an official statement about their Kissgate. It reads, in part:

We believe everyone has the right to live openly in this society as equals. In no way were our actions on Southwest Airlines excessive, inappropriate or vulgar. We want to make it clear we were not making out or creating any kind of spectacle of ourselves, it was one, modest kiss. We are responsible adult women who walk through the world with dignity. We were simply being affectionate like any normal couple.

Exactly, ladies. Exactly.

Cocktail hour

Emma Thompson got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame last weekend. So, naturally, she celebrated with a pint and a pig. Naturally. Now, my love for Emma is unwavering. She may falter at times, but her heart is always unquestionably in the right place – even when she is talking smack about Audrey Hepburn. She is among those celebrities I put in my “I’d love to have a beer with” category. I mean, wouldn’t she be a blast at the bar? These are the folks whose big, magnificent brains and bubbly, radiant sense of fun make them the perfect candidates for a cocktail, or six.

Emma ThompsonSuch a pity her Safe website is still down. That last picture of her would have been a real conversation starter.

Helen MirrenIf you think she is a saucy minx sober, just wait until you get a couple cocktails into her.

Wanda SykesMy only worry is I’d laugh so hard I’d pee my pants, especially after a few drinks.

Rachel MaddowI believe it’s a life goal to taste a drink mixed by the master.

Jane LynchThat stuff I said about Wanda, ditto.

Leisha HaileyAnd if she brought along Kate Moennig and Erin Daniels, all the better.

Hillary ClintonOh, Hill. I will buy you a drink anyplace, anytime, anywhere. Standing offer, forever.

Mirror, mirror

A whole new year, a whole new decade. A change to reflect, anew. We like to put importance on certain numbers, days, milestones. The beginning of a year holds the same promise each time – a clear slate, a fresh start. We look back on what has passed. We hope for what lies ahead. And we reflect on what we want, what we really want. Today, I want to look at beautiful women looking at themselves. What? You reflect your way, I’ll reflect mine. Why hello, 2010. My, you look pretty.

Rachel WeiszMia KirshnerHelena Bonham CarterMichelle WilliamsMaggie GyllenhaalLeisha Hailey & Jennifer BealsJulie AndrewsTallulah BankheadChristina RicciOlivia WildeDid you know Olivia’s real last name is “Cockburn.” Yeah, clearly that had to be changed.

Lesbothrobs

Oh, Rachel, Rachel. Suspenders. What are you doing to us? SUSPENDERS. You know what kind of tizzy this will put us gay ladies into. How could you not? In fact, I think secretly you enjoy it. Yep, for all the adorable self deprecation, there has to be a teeny-tiny part of that big, magnificent brain of yours that is loving this lesbian heartthrob status. But, why not? It’s fun to be a lesbian heartthrob. Still lest you think I have only one big gay pin-up inside my locker, let me remind you that there are plenty of lesbian heartthrobs to go around. And to think some girls go crazy over Zac Efron. Silly girls.

Ellen DeGeneresI think she’ll do great on Idol. I mean, it’s a fancy karaoke contest. Chill, people.

Jane Lynch“Yes. We. CANE!” But seriously, I would totally let Jane cane me. With a safety word. And a blindfold.

Tegan, Amanda Palmer, SaraGay hipster super powers – activate!

Wanda SykesBut a cap, tight T-shirt and leather jacket are decidedly not whack.

Amanda MooreTo keep from swallowing my tongue, I’ll take a cue from Amanda and hold on instead.

Leisha HaileyI miss Alice. Not enough to sit through “The Farm,” but enough to sit through the episode of “CSI” where Leisha was a wolfgirl.

Cherry JonesDid she not look fantastic at the Emmys? Also, I heard she broke up with Sarah Paulson. How sad. Hey Cherry, I like the theater. What? I’m just saying.

Jodie FosterThis is Jodie Foster on the streets of New York last month. This is what gay looks like.

Who is going in your locker, so to speak? And quit doodling Mrs. Rachel Maddow on your Trapper Keeper. What is this, junior high?

Down on The Farm

So, Showtime didn't buy “The Farm.” Leisha Hailey prison drama spin-off won't be headed to a TV near you anytime soon. Which means the legacy of “The L Word” will more than likely end with the eternally unanswered question of who killed Jenny. Which, once again, sucks. Big time.

And, once again, it is a reminder of the opportunities that were missed in the arc of TLW. Let's be frank, Ilene built the whole insane and incomprehensible final season around the possibility of a spin-off. While she glibly told The Los Angeles Times that she didn't actually feel compelled to tell us who killed Jenny, you know part of her left it unanswered as leverage. Sure, that show ended in a question, but this other show can answer it. Gosh, that worked out well.

As questionable as the idea of Leisha Hailey in a gritty, “Oz”-like prison drama was, it was still Leisha Hailey and lesbians being shown regularly on my TV. Plus, the guest stars assembled for the pilot were impressive: Famke Janssen, Melissa Leo and Laurie Metcalfe. That adds up to a three-time Emmy winner, an Oscar nominee and a Bond girl. With no major lesbian characters on primetime TV and less than a handful of bisexual ones, we are once again starved for representation. So even another crazy Mama Chaiken creation would be better than nothing, right?

Well, I'm not so sure. Instead, I think we may have dodged a big, Ilene-shaped bullet. If those wacky Interrogation Tapes are any indication, Mama C cannot do crime and punishment. Wait, let me rephrase that, Mama C can do crime and punishment metaphorically – just ask her audience. After six seasons, we feel both robbed and beaten. And now these damn “tapes.” (NOTE: Spoiler Alert, but mostly just yawn.) Tina had an incestuous relationship with her sister. Shane burned down Wax. Helena gave away the money (and gets hit on by Xena Sgt. Duffy). Niki stole the “Lez Girls” negatives. Bette wanted Tina to ask her to have their second child. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Ilene, WTF. Afterthought storytelling is not storytelling, it's an afterthought.

Am I sad “The Farm” won't happen? In theory, yes. In practice? Well, we'll just never know, kind of like who killed Jenny.

T-Shirt Tuesday

Baby, it's cold outside – even in California. So in lieu of tank tops today how about some awesome T-shirts? They provide a little more warmth while being no less hot. Plus, we all know how much lesbians love their novelty T-shirts. Don't lie; you own at least one, if not many, many, many more. Portia De Rossi and her sparkly declaration of love and defiance of Prop. 8 is, clearly, awesome. [Hat tip, Anna and Stels!] But, of course, Portia is not the only one who can rock a slogan shirt with pride. A few of my favorites.

Leisha HaileyI knew. I own every single Murmurs CD.

Natalie PortmanFine sentiment meets fine film. Also, love the hair.

Penelope CruzI own this shirt, that's why.

Mary-Louise ParkerHoly hotness, Batman!

Shirley MansonMy sentiments exactly.

Zooey DeschanelIf my name was “Zooey” I'd put it on a T-shirt, too.

Tina FeyLike I could resist.

Ms. Snarker's Favorite T-ShirtFuck yeah, it's ladies night.