I am not a good chef. I’m just not. I enjoy food, a lot. But my culinary expertise pretty much stops at “How do you like your eggs?” (Though, I am good at eggs. So, you know, feel free to stay for breakfast.) Still I do love watching other people cook, especially if those other people are hot ladies. So on this day of feasting in the United States, here is one of my favorite cooking scene pretty much ever. If learning to cook was always like this, I’d be well on my way to being a master chef. Happy Thanksgiving, all. p.s. The only way that scene could have been better is if they kissed at the end, like they clearly wanted to. Idgie and Ruth, my first OTP.
Lesbian in prison making out? So cliché. Lesbians in prison making out played by Mary-Louise Parker? Sign me up! Arrest me! Throw away the goddamn key! Right, sorry, getting ahead of myself. Everyone's favorite pot dealer returns for the new season of “Weeds” and things have, well, changed. (Spoilers for Season 7, though nothing not in the promos already.) It has been three years since the end of last season. In that time Nancy Botwin has turned herself in. Went to prison. And, by all appearances, went gay. Really, really gay. Observe.
[NOTE:Took out the embed to rid us of the damned autoplay. But if you haven't seen it, or want to relive it, click on over to E! where it was originally posted. It doesn't autoplay there, for what it's worth.]
Granted, this is more than likely a L.U.P. situation (Lesbian Until Parole, a second cousin twice removed from Lesbian Until Graduation). Still, I will take my Mary-Louise making out with another woman any way I can get it. Plus, I started watching “Bad Girls” during vacation which has made me a total convert to the subtle art of prison courtship. Anyway. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Mary-Louise. Hey, you're not paying attention either. You're rewatching the clip. Fine, I'll wait. It's Nancy whispering goodbye into Zoya’s ear right before leaving that gets me the most. In that one breathy moment you can see their entire past relationship flash before you. And, man, is it hot.
Though I think we should all be thanking ourselves for this scene. It looks like our letter-writing campaign last season must have paid off. What? You don’t remember that letter you wrote? Well let me refresh your memory. Last year in her interview with Vanity Fair, the reporter asked if she’d be getting any lady action with the lesbian pot dealer played by Linda Hamilton.
MLP: Yeah, yeah, I hear you. But no, that’s not happening. It’s just something they put in the trailer because it’s funny, but it doesn’t actually happen. It’s not a bad idea though. I’ve always thought that Nancy should have sex with a woman. It’d be good for her.
VF: Would it help if we started a letter-writing campaign?
MLP: Like a grassroots sort of thing? Yeah, we should do it. “People In Support of Nancy Botwin Embracing Lesbianism.” Right on.
Score one for the mighty pen. And, now we get to see if sex with a woman was indeed good for Nancy. I know it was good for me.
My love for Mary-Louise is long and storied. It started, as it did with most of us, with Ruth. And it’s carried over through her career in movies and TV. I love her adult brand of sexy. It’s not coy, it just is. When you’re a grown-ass sexy woman, you don’t have to play games. I mean, you can if you’re into that. But if you’re like Mary-Louise you can just smile and show us what you’ve got, knowing full well that we’ll want it. And we do, we really, really do.
So, I still can’t stop thinking about those smart girls. If there is one accessory that almost automatically adds points to a woman’s IQ, it’s a nice pair of glasses. Give a gal with glasses a book (particularly a book about kissing, like Mia Kirshner above) and be still my big nerdy heart. Now, as some of you might remember, I’m a glasses wearer. I wear contacts most of the time, but I’ve always got my specs on in the evening to write and watch TV and hang about the house. As a kid, I wore glasses full-time – big clunky things that for some incomprehensible reason covered more of my cheeks than my actual eyes. Seriously, were we trying to look through some heretofore unknown fourth eye with those enormous hubcap lenses in the 80s? Back then they used to say “Guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.” But that was before the whole sexy librarian thing really took off. And now, well, I still can’t speak for the guys, but this gal sure likes making passes at girls who wear glasses. In particular, these gals. No need to take your glasses off and shake out your hair, ladies. I mean, feel free to shake out your hair, but definitely keep the glasses on while you do it. Here’s looking at you, four eyes.
Mary-Louise ParkerBig brown eyes behind big brown frames make my knees weak, instantly.
Cate BlanchettBlue eyes behind blue frames ain’t half bad either.
Shirley MansonOf course, gingers can wear whatever color frames they want.
Angelina JolieAnd then sometimes you don’t need any color at all, just the world’s most expertly arched eyebrow.
Anna TorvEverything in this picture works for me. Glasses. V-neck. Ponytail. Laptop. Books. Heck, I even like the lamp.
Padma LakshmiEverything in this picture works for me, too. Plus, I know Padma could cook me an amazing dinner afterwards. And then we’d talk shit about Tom Colicchio.
Sarah ShahiNow that’s what I call a nice pair – of glasses.
Helena Bonham CarterThis whole ensemble is crazy. But crazy good, not crazy Bellatrix Lestrange.
Rachel MaddowOh, to have her look over her Clark Kent glasses and talk dirty, dirty politics to me.
Tina FeyOh, please, like I wasn’t going to include her.
Marlee Matlin & Jennifer BealsThis is them, the insane hubcap-sized glasses we used to wear in the 80s. Of course, they look fine on Marlee and Jennifer. Whatever, I’m not jealous. Though, we probably shouldn’t talk about the hair.
Oh, and one other sexy thing about glasses? When things get steamy, so do they.
I would officially like to declare this the launch of the “People In Support of Nancy Botwin Embracing Lesbianism” grassroots letter-writing campaign. Yep, the line forms here. Get your pens, get your paper, get your stamps. This is where it starts. We are all going to write into Showtime right this very second to make this happen because Mary-Louise Parker said so. I am very obedient when it comes to these matters. Obsequious, even.
But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself a tad. I can’t help it, what with the excitement. Mary-Louise Parker is talking about embracing lesbianism and I’m rushing the punchline. Let’s back up and talk about how this soon-to-be groundswell of public support began. You see, Mary-Louise did an interview with Vanity Fair. In said interview she talks about many things: never having smoked pot, once having sucked on a pot lollipop, why smart people want to fuck her, why dumb people also probably want to fuck her, why Nancy Botwin likes to fuck rough, how fame is fucked up and not knowing who the fuck Bill O’Reilly is but thinking he “probably comes from a nuclear family and didn’t get enough attention as a child.” God, I fucking love her.
Amid all of that, she also talked about the trailer for the sixth season which featured Mary-Louise offering Linda Hamilton a very personalized down payment, ahem, in exchange for some product. When the interviewer asks if Nancy would be getting any lady action this season, she responds:
MLP: Yeah, yeah, I hear you. But no, that’s not happening. It’s just something they put in the trailer because it’s funny, but it doesn’t actually happen. It’s not a bad idea though. I’ve always thought that Nancy should have sex with a woman. It’d be good for her.
VF:Would it help if we started a letter-writing campaign?
MLP: Like a grassroots sort of thing? Yeah, we should do it. “People In Support of Nancy Botwin Embracing Lesbianism.” Right on.
So, on Friday, I wrote a strongly worded letter to Florida telling them to stick their tax credit ban on movies with gay characters where the Sunshine State don’t shine. In the process of writing that post, I started thinking about my favorite movies with gay characters. And, because I still couldn’t shake the Florida thing, I also started thinking about the time while driving down to the Sunshine State I made a special pit stop in Juliette, GA to visit the Whistle Stop Café. And that’s where the gay characters/Florida connection all came together and I started to think about “Fried Green Tomatoes.” Convoluted? Yes. Just how my brain works? You betcha.
Now, I know I’m not alone in the soft, warm spot I have in my heart for this film. I claim it as one of ours, even though the movie never explicitly spells it out. (The book, naturally, is a tad more direct.) So Idgie and Ruth will always be one of my favorite lesbian movie couples. Always. I can quote whole swaths of it verbatim. I’m sure you can, too. How about we quote some together?
Now, little tomboy Idgie Threadgoode is adorable. And then older tomboy Idgie is pretty cute, too. But things really don’t get good until Idgie tells Ruth never. And as we all know, you never say never to Ruth Jamison. And then, then we get to the bees.
“You’re just a bee charmer, Idgie Threadgoode. That’s what you are, a bee charmer.”To this day, I think one of the highest complements you can give a gal is to call her a bee charmer.
Idgie: “You’re gettin’ married?” Ruth: “As soon as the summer’s over... Oh, am I gonna miss you.”
Good God, if you can’t read that subtext you are beyond help.
“If you ever touch her again, I’ll kill you.”All valiant butches will be judged against the valor of this moment. Also, this outfit. Thank you, Mary Stuart Masterson.
“She’s trying to teach me how to cook!”
My first girlfriend and I would quote this scene back and forth. I still can’t cook, but we sure had some fun trying.
“Believe me when I tell you, I don't want you to move out.”This is maintext, people. MAINTEXT.
“Go on you ol’ Bee Charmer, tell me a good tall tale.”This always makes me weepy. I even get a little melancholy sometimes looking at ducks on a lake. I am, however, very happy that Mary-Louise Parker has progressed to the point in her career where she no longer has to die heroically in every movie.
So, there you have it, a lovely jaunt down memory lane courtesy the idiot legislators in Florida. But remember, Florida, if you won’t listen to reason, there is always Towanda.
Awww shucks, you guys, you’ve done it again. Thanks to you, I’m up for another Lezzy Award for 2009 Best Lesbian Entertainment/ Lesbian Culture Blog. The Lezzys (started in 2008 as the Lesbian Blog of the Year Award) are handed out annually by The Lesbian Lifestyle. Those of you’ve who’ve hung around here long enough might recall that I’ve been lucky enough to win the last two years (2007 Lesbian Blog of the Year & 2008 Best Entertainment/Overall Lesbian Blog of the Year honors).
This year the awards will be handed out in 11 categories. They are:
Best Lesbian Entertainment/Lesbian Culture Blog
Best Lesbian Humor Blog
Best Lesbian Parenting Blog
Best Lesbian Engagement/Wedding Blog (new for 2009)
Best Lesbian Feminist/Political Blog
Best Lesbian Personal Blog
Best Lesbian “Out later in life” Blog (new for 2009)
Best Lesbian Sex/Short Story/Erotica Blog
Best Lesbian Podcast
Best New Lesbian Blog (new for 2009)
Lesbian Blog Lifetime Achievement Award (new for 2009)
Also nominated in my category are Autostraddle and Fit for a Femme. The former is the glossy girl-on-girl culture chronicles of Riese and her homosexy staff (not to mention their intern army of, like, zillions). The latter is the chronicles of the daily fashion choices of, you guessed it, a Femme. Both are fabulous, both are formidable.
So many well-known and equally great blogs are up for awards in other categories this year that instead of picking and choosing, I’m just going to go straight (but not in that way) ticket and promote fellow Team AfterEllen nominees. For Humor, Grace the Spot. For Parenting, Mombian. For Lifetime Achievement, the mother ship, AfterEllen.
Now, onto the mushy stuff. Since I started this blog in 2006, I’ve been continually humbled by all of your support, encouragement and generosity. Clearly, I don’t write this site for awards (though, let’s not lie, who doesn’t like to win things). Instead I write it because a) sleep is for suckers and b) if I couldn’t write my head would explode and c) you’ve made it such a wonderful place to keep coming back to. People grouse all the time, and rightfully so, about what passes for discourse online these days. But I feel forever fortunate that together, we’ve been able to carve out a space that is overwhelmingly civil, respectful and engaged. I never take that for granted, ever.
OK, OK. I’ve put away my Kleenex. This is, after all, a competition. So here comes the nitty gritty:
For your vote to count you have to click the link in your confirmation email.
Voting ends at 11:59 p.m. EDT March 1 (technically 12:00 a.m. March 2, but people always get confused about which midnight that means and I don’t think that 1 minute will make or break anyone).
So, vote early and vote often, like an old-school Chicago politician. As fantastic as it would be to win again, what I’m most pleased about is that The Lesbian Lifestyle (and its founded Kelly, aka goldstardyke) keeps running these awards to recognize the wonderful diversity and depth of gay women on the web.
But, just to show you I do have some competitive spirit (I sucked at sports, this is my only shot), I’m going to sweeten the pot by running a contest. If you forward me a copy of your confirmation email, you’ll be entered in a contest to win either the complete season five DVD of “Weeds” or a review copy of the Indigo Girls double CD, “Poseidon and the Bitter Bug.” See:
The more you vote, the more times you are entered. And don’t worry, you don’t even have to vote for me to be eligible (confirmation emails don’t show who you voted for, so I’ll never know). Yes, I’ll even send it overseas out of my own pocket if someone abroad gets picked. Win or lose, that’s a thank you from me to you. Oh, and just to show how really, really competitive I am, this is also a thank you from me to you. Enjoy.
Mary-Louise Parker
Olivia Wilde
Rosario Dawson
Rachel Weisz
To truly be appreciated, that last one really needs to move. CLICK HERE TO VOTE (once every 24 hours, and don’t forget to click those email links).
Look, I realize we’re all on a “Glee” high right now (congrats Jane and Lea for those Golden Globe nods – and Matthew, but mostly that’s just for your lesbian hair). But Lea Michele and Dianna Agron aren’t the only TV co-stars who can bring award caliber SGALGG. In fact, many a leading ladies get extracurricularly touchy feely with each other. Those long hours on the set between takes with nothing to do but hang out and look longingly at one another naturally leads to a lot of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals situations. It’s like they know we’re writing the femflash already, so why not help us along. I mean, how can you look at that picture and not know that Joan and Peggy were made for each other?
NCIS: Pauley Perrette & Cote de PabloThe T-shirt says it all.
Grey’s Anatomy: Kate Walsh & Katherine HeiglKatherine seems to be protecting her delicate areas. It’s like she knows Kate is, um, grabby.
Weeds: Mary-Louise Parker & Elizabeth PerkinsHand placement is everything.
The Vampire Diaries: Kayla Ewell & Nina DobrevThey really, really shouldn’t have killed off Vicki.
Gossip Girl: Michelle Trachtenberg & Leighton MeesterEveryone is all about Serena and Blair, but that look says little Dawnie has some plans of her own – naughty plans.
Damages: Glenn Close & Rose ByrneOK, it’s a little May-December, but think of the delicious power struggle that would ensue.
30 Rock: Jane Krakowski & Katrina BowdenFooled you by not using Tina, didn’t I?
Modern Family: Sofía Vergara & Julie BowenI hear they don’t get along on the set. But, clearly, that’s a cover to hide the sexual tension. Clearly.
Criminal Minds: Kirsten Vangsness, A.J. Cook & Paget BrewsterGranted, Kirsten is a GG instead of a SG. But A.J. and Paget look incredibly eager to, shall we say, experiment.
Glee: Jenna Ushkowitz, Lea Michele & Amber RileyWhat, you thought I’d forget “Glee” entirely?
Glee: Jessalyn Gilsig & Jayma MaysCould you imagine if Terri and Emma hooked up instead? Best of all, there’d be no need to fake any sort of pregnancy.
I am not a good chef. I’m just not. I enjoy food, a lot. But my culinary expertise pretty much stops at “How do you like your eggs?” (Though, I am good at eggs. So, you know, feel free to stay for breakfast.) Still I do love watching other people cook, especially if those other people are hot ladies. So on this day of feasting in the United States, here is one of my favorite cooking scene pretty much ever. If learning to cook was always like this, I’d be well on my way to being a master chef. Happy Thanksgiving, all.
