Naked Lady Monday: Black & White Edition

Admit it, things seem classier in black and white. So what might look like just a naked lady in color will look like an artistic naked lady in black and white. Such is the power of the monochrome. So then we feel a little better about ogling because, you know, the art and culture and stuff. Just look at Kristin Scott Thomas pulling her best Joan of Arc. That’s not just classy nakedness, it’s historical. Black and white can turn “nekkid” back to “naked.” Wait, is that a good thing? Regardless, a little black and white is exactly what is in order this Monday, to help turn make might otherwise be NSFW into a refined collection of semi-nude portraiture. Or, at least, that’s what you can tell your boss.

Deborah Ann WollI just finished watching season 3 of “True Blood” and Jessica was criminally, criminally underused. Criminally so.

Amber HeardHot. Gay. Hot some more.

Charlotte GainsbourgNo one wears scarves better than French women.

Penelope CruzThe curve of a woman’s back is one of the ways we know we live in a benevolent universe.

Olivia WildeThe round of a woman’s bum is another.

Charlotte RamplingLet’s make it a rule that all women named “Charlotte” need to get naked today.

Rosario DawsonRosario isn’t nude. But she’s not wearing pants either. Totally counts.

Heather MorrisYeah, so no wonder Santana is doing everything she can do to win Brittany back.

EDIT: Whoops, that should be Naked Lady Monday not Naked Lady Woman. Though there ain’t nothing wrong with a naked lady woman. Nothing at all.

What haven’t you done to your face

News flash: Humans age. Sure, vampires are all the rage in Hollywood these days. But vampires are make believe and humans are real. And, because it bears repeating, we age. Yet somehow the cult of vampirish, anti-aging, baby butt-faced, immobilized-brow lovers in Hollywood keeps on growing. Which is yet another reason I love the Brits.

You see, British women, by and large, act their age. And more to the point, they look their age. Why? Because they don’t fuck with their faces. I was reminded of this when looking up photos of the luminous Julia Ormond to post about her replacement on “Three Rivers”, Kate Moennig’s new medical drama. (p.s. Pull back on the Photoshop, CBS, seriously.) Seeing Julia’s un-nipped, un-tucked, un-stretched face was a bit of a revelation. Julia Ormond is 44. Julia looks 44. And Julia at 44 is fan-fucking-tastic.

Take that certain age and flaunt it, ladies: [Click to wallow in wondrous wrinkles.]

Julia Ormond, 44Olivia Williams, 41Helena Bonham Carter, 43Kristin Scott Thomas, 49Emma Thompson, 50Charlotte Rampling, 63Helen Mirren, 64

Granted, all these women are ridiculously genetically gifted. But what makes them even more sublime is that those little lines, they’re earned. Life leaves a mark and it looks great on your face.

The androgynous zone

My Tilda Swinton love has grown so exponentially since she won the Oscar, I almost wish I hadn’t Weekend Crushed her already so I could gush some more. But what I admire about her most is that she is a true original. In an industry filled with fake everything -- breasts, tans, noses, personalities -- she is authentically herself. And her authentic self looks fucking hot in a suit. Forget a spoon full of sugar, it’s a big scoop of androgyny that really helps the medicine go down. And by medicine, I mean Wednesday. And by go down, I mean…uhm, well. Enjoy.

And just because a free mind is a terrible thing to waste: