Gentlemen (and Ladies) Prefer Bookworms

John Waters famously said: “We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.” I could not agree more. Books are sexy motherfuckers. Their straight spines, their crisp pages, their tight bindings. All those bold black letters etched across soft ivory expanses. See, sexy motherfuckers. Like everyone else, I read a lot of my copy from backlit screens these days. But there’s still nothing quite like picking up a real book. The smell of it. The weight of it. Holding something in your hands gives it import. It makes it feel more real. We are a tactile people, after all.

So then, by extension, people who love or at the very least own books are also sexy motherfuckers. Back in the days when I used to watch MTV Cribs (what, don’t judge – I was young and probably drunk), I was always struck by how few of these stars had books. There were 60-inch plasma TVs, but no bookcases. There were double-wide subzero freezers, but no bookcases. There were walls and walls of DVDs and CDs, but no bookcases. People, homes need bookcases. Even if it is just some planks and cinder blocks, it’s a place to put your books.

I’ve long-since run out of bookshelf space for my books. They’re stacked double-deep on most shelves. Granted, these days I too often shamefully fall into the “buy books and let them sit on my nightstand for way too long” category of reader. I sometimes dream of taking a week-long vacation just to read books on my couch. It’s be like back in my grade school days when I spent my entire summer vacation either reading on the porch or going to the library for more books. Oh, those halcyon days of leisurely bookwormhood.

So today, we’re going to celebrate women with really great racks – of books. (Sorry, I had to.) Let’s hear it for the lovely lady libraries. These women, and their bountiful bookcases, more than pass the Waters Test. What can I say, sometimes you need to indulge in a little bit of uninhibited book porn.

Rachel MaddowBooks and a puppy and a cocktail. That’s just straight-up porn for lesbians.

Nigella LawsonMy, Nigella, what big books you have.

Olivia WildeContemporary design and plentiful bookcases. It’s so sexy it’s almost NSFW.

Rachel WeiszI can’t be the only one who wishes she was wearing glasses and her hair up so she could do the sexy librarian head shake for us.

Rita HayworthReading about Abraham Lincoln is totally hot.

Audrey TautouThis isn’t technically her library, but I can’t resist the lovely lines.

MadonnaI don’t think this is Madonna’s library either. But who knows. She can definitely afford to have a room in her house just dedicated to ancient parchments.

Diane KeatonFine, so she isn’t in it right now, but don’t you wish you were?

Ava Gardner Olivia de HavillandAdmit it, old-school Hollywood stars had better lounging-around-to-read clothes.

Marilyn MonroeDid you know she was an avid reader? She had a personal library of over 400 books. Bombshell and bookworm. Be still my heart.

EDIT: Damn, I mixed up my Olivia and Ava reading pictures. Apologies. We will see the lovely Ava another time, I promise.

My Weekend Crush

If you think about it, after yesterday’s shocking death of Michael Jackson, Madonna may be the most famous living person in the world. There are only a handful of stars left in that stratosphere. You can name presidents, Popes, Oprah. But for sheer celebrity power, it was really only Michael and Madonna atop a mountain of fame so universal it transcended borders and languages and possibly time itself. As we all know, the spectacular, strange and ultimately sad life of Michael Jackson ended yesterday. After the news broke, I couldn’t help wondering if Madonna felt lonely, if only for a moment, standing by herself on top of the world.

Their lives were intricately intertwined, yet followed sharply different paths. They were both born in the middle of America, only 13 days apart. They both rose to fame in the 80s, pioneering the age of wanting your MTV. They both sang and danced and entertained in a way no one had seen before. They both thrived on reinvention, even if one’s was less calculated and more pathological. They were both icons, in the truest sense of the word. But from there, their lives forked. The details of Michael’s spiral from fairy tale to cautionary tale don’t need to be rehashed. Whereas Madonna has been able to remain both relevant and relatively (dare I say it) normal. Well, as normal as anyone known globally by a single name who has sold 200 million albums and starred in more than a dozen major motion pictures can be.

Through her smarts, strength and savvy, Madonna has built a career that is both impressive and unparalleled. No one succeeds at that level and for that long by accident. She is unquestionably talented, but it is her staying power that truly dazzles. Quite simple, she has something that so many others lack: the will and the might to shape her own destiny. In light of this singular moment in our pop culture history, and in honor of Pride, I can’t think of a better crush this weekend. The king is dead, long live the queen. Happy weekend, all.