Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, Tuesdays. People always complain about Mondays, what with it being the first day of the week and on Garfield’s mug and all. But Tuesdays, Tuesdays are the real killer. Tuesdays are still too many days away from Friday, but without the excusable grumpiness cache that Monday carries. Plus, all the really boring meetings happen on Tuesdays because managers figure everyone who calls in “sick” on Mondays should actually be in by then. Hell, Tuesdays even make Charlize Theron scream – and not in the good way. So that, that’s why we must fight back the Tuesdays with everything we have. Some use a gun, others a sword. I, of course, never come armed without the best Tuesday killer possible: tank tops. Just doing my part, folks. Just doing my part.

Naomi WattsI can’t tell if I’m more impressed by the tank, the shoes or this pose. So I’m going to answer, “Yes.”

Thora BirchWhere’d she go? And wherever she went, I hope she’s still a redhead.

Scarlett JohanssonIf all her contracts don’t have a tank top clause, they should.

Aubrey PlazaAre you still not watching “Parks & Recreation” yet? Don’t make me scold you again.

Maggie QFine, this isn’t “technically” a tank top. But it’s got straps and fabric down the front, so I’m claiming it.

Padma LakshmiI miss “Top Chef” so much. And by “Top Chef,” I mean “Padma.”

Gwyneth PaltrowI miss her on “Glee,” too. But on the plus side, perhaps this means fewer Mr. Shue storylines.

Leisha Hailey, Kate Moennig, Laurel HollomanOK, I miss them most of all. Not the storylines, per se, just them.

Sara RamirezDo you know how hard it is to find a picture of Sara in a tank top? I give and I give, Internet.

Right, so I think it’s safe to say we totally kicked Tuesday’s ass.

Support Tibette

Those of good conscience already support Tibet. And now those of good conscience can also support Tibette. Sure, we support them already with our lustful stares and lascivious thoughts. But this is a more tangible and – let’s just say it – wholesome kind of support. The actresses who gave us Tibette – Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman – are both throwing their support, not to mention creative talents, behind worthy causes this holiday season. And we can help them through our purchases and donations. Also, it gives us another chance to ogle appreciate the women behind Tibette.

First Laurel is sponsoring an art auction featuring her own work along with sketches by TLW castmates and photos from a friend. Laurel is donating five of her paintings, friend Miki Turner is donating 12 of her photographs and Pam Grier and Rachel Shelley are donating a sketch each which they will personally sign to the winning bidder.

A look at Laurel’s work:

All proceeds going to the Maasai Conservation Wilderness Trust. Check out the auction website at mwctlaurelholloman.com. Bidding is now live on eBay. Bid here. (Auctions end Dec. 21.) Or to give directly, donate though Laurel’s fundraising page: firstgiving.com/laurelhollomannet1

Next it appears Jennifer has finished work on “The L Word Book.” The book is a behind-the-scenes look through Jennifer’s lens at the women who spend six seasons talking, laughing, loving, breathing, fighting, fucking, crying, drinking, riding, winning, losing, cheating, kissing, thinking and dreaming. (You didn’t think you’d get away with never hearing that monstrosity again, did you?)

Here is a sneak peek:

The proceeds of the book and prints will go to several different charities including the Matthew Shepard Foundation, Mia Kirshner’s I Live Here Foundation and The Pablove Foundation. The book’s website says it is coming out in December 2009, but considering we’re a third through the month it might be delayed. Check the official site for details at lwordbook.com.

See, doesn’t that make you feel all warm and fuzzy, and not for the normal reasons Tibette makes you feel warm and fuzzy? Though, Jennifer and Laurel, if you really want to raise some crazy cash for your respective charities I have a little suggestion: naked portraits of each other. Think of all the gay ladies clamoring to get their hands on those puppies. It would be the Tickle Me Elmo frenzy on steroids and there might even be some punches thrown. And, best of all, it’s alllll for charity. Brilliant, huh? No? Fine, your ideas are good too. I guess. (Kicks dirt.)

Now get busy buying and bidding, ladies.

My Weekend Crush

In any relationship, there is always the star. The one whose name comes first, whose personality fills the room, whose presence leaves the more lasting impression. But while the quieter partner may be lose out in first impressions, she should never be counted out. For without the yang, the yin cannot make a whole. Without Laurel Holloman, there is no Bette and Tina. There is no center. There is no whole. Bette without Tina to ground her is a one-note character – all power and desire, no heart and consequences. She needs Tina, and we need Laurel.

Of course, Laurel is more than just Tina. She first stole my heart – as I’m sure she did yours – as the adorable Randy Dean. She was the scruffy little butch we all wish we met in high school, or aspired to be. In “The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love,” Laurel was awkward yet determined, goofy yet heroic. Anytime I want a guaranteed giggle, I cue the film up to Randy reading “Leaves of Grass” and replay her delightfully adolescent repeating of the word “crotch.” She so inhabited that role that years later when I encounter her again on my TV, this time in “Angel,” I almost didn’t recognize her.

So then, when we met again in that show about the letter between K and M, I didn’t know what to expect. What we got was strength, smarts, sweetness and, sure, sometimes a neck-bulging screamfest. It’s not easy being the quiet one. But it’s the quiet ones who always surprise you. Happy weekend, all.

Pre-Pre-L: Girls in Tight Dresses

Oh, kittens, kittens. Sometimes the heavens open up and drop manna into your lap. And by manna, I mean the girls of “The L Word” in those proverbial tight dresses. While no one is dragging with mustaches just yet, give Max time. The character and group promo pictures for the sixth and final season are in and they're, well, they're kind of crazy. As in crazy hot. But, um, is it just me or do they all kind of look like models for a new TLW cut-out paper doll collection? Granted, I'm not grumbling. Pictures of beautiful women? Yes, Mama Chaiken, may I have another?

[Click any and all to enlarge and don't forget the link love.]

Jennifer BealsBette in a hot dress and a pair of Louboutins? Hold on. I've got something I've got to do...with my hands...for a minute. Though, hey, where is her other arm? Is Tina behind her?

Laurel HollomanTina, while your mini is just long enough so I can't quite see London or France, I can see your tattoo. Does Bette know?

Leisha HaileyNobody move, Alice has been attacked by a 1980s prom dress. Don't frighten the bubble skirt or it'll pull a pair of jelly sandals or a can of Aqua Net from its depth and hurl it at your head.

Kate MoennigOh, thank God, Shane is looking very Shane today again.
That whole dress thing was weirding me out.

Pam GrierAll we are saying, is give Kit some lines. “Baby girl!” doesn't count.

Rachel ShelleyStealing money, going to jail, fleeing from jail, returning from fleeing and buying a lesbian nightclub agrees with you, Helena.
So does fringe.

Rose RollinsDear Tasha. Back that thing up. Love, lesbians everywhere.

Still not everyone got the new paper-doll treatment. (Serious, it's custom-made for naughty Photoshopping.) Poor Max, Phyllis and Jodi had their Season 4 promos recycled and Photoshopped to fit the shoot's black is the new black color scheme. I've put them all together, for the sake of expediency and to prove my Photoshopping point. Though, since no one necessarily wants to see this particular threesome, I've left the naughty bit out.

Mama Chaiken did make sure to include a promo shot of herself – in a tank top no less. Sometimes Ilene makes this shit too easy.

Now, before you throw your dog-eared copies of “Lez Girls” at my head, no – there was no promo of Mia Kirshner yet. This is either a simple oversight or a ridiculously unsubtle bit of foreshadowing. But, given the final group shot has both a sunset in the distance and a pool in the foreground, I'm going to assume that “subtle” is not part of the marketing department's vocabulary.

So, ladies, please enjoy. I'm anxiously awaiting your naughty Photoshop creations. Don't let me down, internets.

L Word redux

Now that a month and a half has passed since The L Word season ended, I feel I can finally look back at it without feeling abject horror/extreme sleepiness. It’s not that I thought the season was a horror, per se, but it’s just those goddamn Pre-Ls are a fucking pain in the ass to write. Seriously, after the season ended I was feeling a little posts-traumatic stress disorder (get it, posts…I know, ugh). My malaise could only be cured by prolonged vegging out in front of the television while I fought the urge to a) take notes and b) make screencaps. But now, after arduous rehabilitation and a CSI marathon, I feel I can begin to post again about the Ladies of The L.

So here goes. I’m going to ease back in nice and slowly with some pictures of what the ladies have been up to since the season finale. However, if I start having flashbacks, please put me in a dark, padded room for my own protection.

Jennifer Beals and Laurel Holloman at the GLAAD Media Awards.I swear, if those two get any hotter it will be illegal in three states. A few of you wrote in consternation over Laurel’s loose-waisted shift dress. Could this mean Tibette will be expecting next season? Well, since Laurel and her husband just adopted a baby girl, I’m going to go out on a limb and say no. Sometimes a shift dress is just a shift dress.

Marlee Matlin at a Dancing With The Stars party.Is it me or is Marlee relapsing into her L-ways with that hug? It’s a little, um, close.

Rachel Shelley on the cover of Diva magazine.Holy fucking hell. That is all.

Rose Rollins on the cover of Curve magazine.Holy fucking hell, those arms. That is all.

OK, now I think I can transition into video. Interestingly, all the women are guest starring on CBS shows. And CBS owns Showtime. Nah, there can’t be a connection.

Erin Daniels on CSI: NY.

I watched this live and was pleasantly surprised when Dana Erin popped on screen. I love that she’s all tough and kinda bitchy. And the pantsuits. Yum.

Kate Moennig on CSI: Miami.

Jet skits, lime-green bikinis, murder. Shane, girl, you’ve changed.

Rachel Shelley on Ghost Whisperer.

I’ve only watched this show once and was distracted from the story by Jennifer Love Hewitt’s cleavage. I think that might have been the point. Part II is here, by the way.

And now, I think I can deliver the coup de grace. Seriously, get comfortable and find your happy place.Jennifer Beals (with an assist from Alexandra Hedison, Ilene Chaiken and Daniela Sea) at the V to the Tenth Vagina Monologues celebration in New Orleans.

I could kill for clearer video. And also for Jennifer’s boots. She’s wearing fishnets, by the way.

Doctor, I’m cured. Is it January yet?