Gonna make it after all

While it may be hard to tell from the somewhat downbeat and grumpy nature of recent posts, things aren’t going too poorly for old Ms. Snarker in 2012. No, really, I mean it. No, stop laughing. Hey, now it’s getting rude. Come on, you could at least try to stop snorting uncontrollably. Kidding, kidding. But on the serious, this year has been – aside for standard-issue work stress and inconvenient technological setbacks – kind of lovely. So, for all of you somewhat appalled by my middle finger to the world from yesterday, please consider this a mea culpa of sorts. As the delicious delicious delicious Joan Jett can attest, one can be surly and happy at the same time. See, a gal can turn the world on with a smile and a snarl. Happy Tuesday, kittens. Love is all around.

p.s. Also, just because Joan Jett is hot as fuck, here’s a little something extra to go with today’s theme. Also, since it is a Tuesday, she is wearing a tank top that appears to be made out of black electrical tape. You’re turned on now, alright. Though possibly for another reason.

Fuck Mondays

Let’s be frank, Mondays fucking suck. They can go fuck themselves. They can go take a flying fuck. They can go fuck off. Seriously, they fucking suck. And they really, really fucking suck in the doldrums of January. Ugh. January. It’s not December, with its promise of the holidays. It’s not the spring, with its flowers and showers. It’s not summer, with its summery summerness. And it’s not fall, with leaves showing off one last time. Nope, it’s January. Which fucking sucks. But you know what? We don’t have to just sit and take sucky Mondays in January. We can fight back. We can fight back the only way we can on a sucky Monday in January. By giving them a big, hearty fuck you. Like our friend M-Rod is doing.

Heidi KlumWell, it is Monday, so why not have a little Naked Lady as well?

Kristen StewartI feel like Kristen is always flipping us the bird, even when she isn’t.

Kaya ScodelarioThe middle finger is Effy Stonem’s permanent state of mind.

PinkShe somehow manages to be badass and adorable, all at once. I think it’s the overalls.

Paget BrewsterI’m only slightly distracted by the fact that the towel means she just got out of the shower.

Lucy LiuAlso slightly distracted, but this time by the freckles and hint of lower back.

Amy PoehlerYou always knew Amy would know how to expertly deploy the double bird.

Lily AllenWhereas this is the cutest double bird ever.

Joan JettAnd this, this is the sexiest double bird ever.

There, now don’t you feel better – for a Monday?

Cherry Bombs

I’m not going to lie, I’m excited about this movie. Will it meet expectations, I hope so. Are Dakota, Kristen & company as bad-ass as Cherie, Joan & company? Well that’s not even physically possible. But I give them an A for effort. I mean, it can’t be easy having to both look, act and sing like the real Runaways. A look and listen below at both the real and Memorex in action. Ch-ch-ch-choose your favorite.

The Runaways, Circa 2010


The Runaways, Circa 1976

I love rock 'n' roll

You know, I’m officially excited for this movie now. I was worried; I still have worries. But this first photo from “The Runaways” (formerly “Cherry Bomb”) is so fucking fierce that I don’t care. I just want to go to there. Immediately. It’s not necessarily the hot girls – though they are hot and, I might add, very much girls (Dakota is 15, FIFTEEN!) – but the rock and roll attitude. It oozes from that photo. It makes me want to pick up a guitar – or lick one. But most of all, it makes me want to revel in the awesome that is Joan Jett and Cherie Currie.

Holy shit, those girls were bad ass.

OK, now I’m worried again. How the fuck can Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning ever, ever, ever be that rock and roll? Answer: They can’t. But they sure might look good trying.

p.s. Good luck looking as good as Joan Jett when you’re 51, Kristen. I think that woman made her own Robert Johnson-like deal at the crossroads. She hasn’t aged a damn day. And, yes, Joan still gets more chicks than all of us. This is just a fact.

p.p.s. The movie will be released in March 19.
p.p.p.s. And, yes, the kiss is happening.
p.p.p.p.s. Oh, and then there is this.

Tank Top Tuesday

My Weekend Crush last Friday had the added benefit of reminding me that I really don’t post about music enough. Granted, I’m no music blogger. While I love every buttery morsel of pop culture, I’ve always have been more of a film/TV connoisseur than a music aficionado. In fact, the breadth of my musical abilities involved reaching over and turning on the radio. Over the years, for whatever reason, my consumption of music has gone from obsessive to casual. Who knows why: lack of free time, lack of attention span, lack of auditory acuity. But that doesn’t mean my enjoyment of music has decreased, nor has my admiration for the musicians. And somehow the music sounds even better when they’re wearing tank tops. Funny how that works.

Alicia KeysNothing gay about this picture, nothing at all.

Brandi CarlileSee above.

Rachael Cantu & Missy HigginsThere are actually two things gay about this picture.

Missy & her armsSee above, again.

Tegan and SaraDid you know it’s really fucking hard to find a picture of both Tegan and Sara in tank tops? Did you know that the best I could do was these muscle shirty things? Did you know I love them, regardless? Well, now you do.

M.I.A.This is really more suspenders than a tank top. Close enough.

Feist1, 2, 3, 4 tell me that Feist should wear tank tops more.

Debbie HarryCall me, indeed.

Joan JettJoan Jett gets more chicks than you. This is just a fact.

See, told you.

Cherry (let’s hope it’s not a) Bomb

So, I really don’t know all that much about Kristen Stewart. I know she was in a movie I never saw about some sparkly chaste vampire. I know she looked eerily like a young Jodie Foster when she was 12. And I know she sets off all sorts of bells and whistles and alarms on some people’s ‘dar. But, given my limited exposure to her work (tabloid covers don’t count), I can’t share a certain demographic’s instaswoon when it comes to all things K-Stew.

But what I do know is that I love Joan Jett and The Runaways. And, given the current crop of pretty young things, I guess I’m OK with her selection as Our Lady of the Jett Black Hair for the new biopic on the seminal all-girl rock band. Christ, imagine if Megan Fox was picked to play Saint Joan? Shudder. To. Think. Also, am I the only one who thinks she is looking very Shane today?

Granted, when you see the Real vs. Memorex side-by-side, Kristen clearly needs to work on her swagger. Also, does Joan ever fucking age? Holy crap, what devil did she make a pact with and where can I sign? I’d even happily sign on to be a minion.

Then there’s also the business of formerly precocious tot Dakota Fanning playing Cherie Currie. Kristen and Dakota side-by-side look kind of like they’re orphans at the scruffy waif mall instead of teenage sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll machines. I mean, when you’re about as big as your guitar can you really bring the noise?

Sure, Cherie was 15 when she joined the band and Dakota is 15 now. But, um, I hope she’s a quick study in bad-assery.

Well, I guess we’ll find out if both gals can pull it off in 2010. But, for now, I’m going to try to keep an open mind and optimistic attitude about this project.

If nothing else, we can always just revel in the real thing.

Yeah, good luck rocking that garter belt, Dakota.

Carmen not gay for Joan

Carmen Electra is not dating Joan Jett. I repeat, peoples of the internets, Carmen is not dating Joan. Despite those juicy rumors. Despite starring in the rocker’s ode to bisexuality “A.C.D.C.” Despite her falling down, clearly from love, at a fashion show, Carmen is not a gay lady. Or at least her rep says she is not. Of course, not everyone is convinced. Word on the lesbian street is that Carmen and Joan might make a splash together at Dinah Shore next weekend. I am trying to muster the energy to care. Must…muster… Must…muster… Damn, I can’t do it. I just don’t care. I mean, good for them if they are and if they aren’t then Joan Jett, call me. Seriously. I’m in the phonebook.

Crimson and Carmen

And now for your Monday moment of totally unsubstantiated, totally uncorroborated, totally undeniably delicious celebrity gossip. According to today’s NY Daily News (scroll down to the second item), Joan Jett and Carmen Electra may be making beautiful music together. Sure, they already made a beautiful music video together last year for Joan’s rocking little ditty “A.C.D.C.” (unofficially subtitled: “Bisexuality Rocks”). Now the gossip mongers have been shopping around the idea that Joan and Carmen are more than friends. Back in November, a similar rumor (but this time with more kissing) popped up. Carmen’s response: “(That rumor) doesn’t bother me at all. She’s an awesome person and we’ve been friends, so it’s no big deal.” A big deal? No. A big demand for pictures? Yes.