Post-L Mortem

We don't know who killed Jenny. We don't know if Jenny was killed. We don't even know how Jenny died. We don't know if Alice and Tasha will stay together. We don't know what happens with Max's baby. We don't know if Bette and Tina move to New York. We don't know if Shane ever confronted Jenny. We don't know why Niki was hiding in the bushes. We don't know if Kit ended up believing Bette. We don't know if Kelly really did tell people they slept together. We don't know why Dylan was reintroduced only to have Helena break-up with her about yet more trust issues. We don't know why everyone would be homicidally angry at Jenny one minute and the next be happily be chomping popcorn and watching her epic three-hour tribute video. We don't know why they were all creepily smiling as they skipped into the police station. Finally, we don't know what is to become of poor Sounder.

Uncertainty is one thing. The complete inability to finish a single storyline is another.

Despite the actresses' best efforts and many of the characters' genuine likability, the hallmark of “The L Word” over its six seasons has been missed opportunities and inconsistent storytelling. All of that was punctuated by the finale, which – to use a technical term – blew. It's not just that there were a million loose ends, but that the end did not justify the means. Why frame the entire last season as a murder mystery only to leave it stubbornly unsolved? Why end the first and only dramatic series about lesbians in death, period? The thing is, all these sins would have been forgiven had the finale approached anything close to being good. But, alas, it was not. Not even close.

It was so bad, that the only way to deal with the disappointment is robust and unrelenting mocking. To speed along the process I've started the “That finale was so bad that...” game. Here is mine: “That finale was so bad that the letter L refuses to be associated with it anymore and it is now just called The Word.”

A sampling of the responses so far. That finale was so bad...

• @helenahandbskt ...that I'm gonna need some ice cream now bad.
• @livlab ...that I almost wanted more Jenny. No wait, I take that back.
• @lindbrownsay ...that even Chaiken winced.
• @hobojen ...that upon reading the script the FacialHairTech refused to participate& Ilene made Daniela glue a caterpillar to her face.
• @thelinster ...that Leisha has changed the name from Uh huh Her to No Not Me.
• @NoTORIousTori ...that to say it was even pretty good is like saying Saw was a romantic comedy.
• @carolinagrrrl ...that Beals is considering donning a black leotard and dancing to 80s music so people will forget her career since then.
• @scfox ...that I refuse to acknowledge anyone named Ilene. (And don't get me started on the webisodes!)
• @natthedem ...that Katy Perry is now calling Ilene Chaiken to help her write lyrics for her next album.
• @ElphabaPotter ... that I find myself crushing on Lisa, the ManLesbian.
• @Justjesh ...that it beats the Growing Pains finale.
• @thusspokejenny ...that I didn't even really die, I just changed my dress. Try and kill me, bitches.
• @femmedomestic ...that it made miss the manatees and sweet meats. Oh.. And Kit's menopause anthem.
• @TruMischief ...that the best line was “we saw an old giraffe with a goiter on it's neck.”
• @Virgotex ...that even straight men remained un-titillated.
• @tex2009 ...that it's turning lesbians straight.
• @uhhliana ...that even the awful Betty theme song refused to be associated with it.
• @arreola ...that i could hear the collective WTFs from lesbians around the world.
• @julieoh ...that they're going to use it to torture prisoners in Guantanamo.
• @frannynotzooey ...that Jenny died just to get away from it.
• @teacherc ...that Rachel Maddow will need to be "talked down" on her show tomorrow night.
• @whenfishfly ...that even Betty wanted their song out of the episode.
• @neonumbra ...that I was scared straight. This is not how I want my life to be!
• @belismakr ...that I wished I'd watched a rerun of America's Next Top Model instead.
• @DaneWrights ...that Lucy Lawless told Ilene to reduce her screen time in editing or she'd go all Xena on her ass.
• @stonermc ...that the Mormon Church sympathised and repealed Prop 8!
• @mariequinn ...that it made Max's facial hair look good.
• @mama_ti ...that we just had to take @call_me_max's baby and run -- and he's ADORABLE! Angie loves him!
• @manshorts ...that EZTV took forever to post the torrent in order to postpone the disappointment I am sure to experience.
• @laurachen ...that two of my friends just went back into the closet.
• @sarahwarn ...that it makes me question my future as a Professional Lesbian - are our best days behind us?

So, come on ladies (and discerning gentlemen), bring the snark either @dorothysnarker on Twitter or in the comments below. Let's give this turkey the send-off it deserves.