What’s new, pussycat?

Well, file this under the category of “Things That Are Obvious.” I never noticed how many photographers thought it a genius idea to pose beautiful women with big cats – real or otherwise. I’ll give you a split-second to realize why. Big cats, large kitties, enormous puss… Yeah, now you’ve got it. Subtlety is, indeed, for pussies. Though, if taken to its ultimate and inevitable conclusion, all these photos could also be considered a metaphor for gay women. No, not for that reason. Get your heads out of the gutter, people. Instead it’s because we can identify. I mean, we are the original crazy cat ladies. Here kitty, kitty, indeed.

Christina AguileraChrist, it’s even pink.

Alicia SilverstoneI hate it when I wear the same thing to the photoshoot as the leopard.

Lily AllenJazz paws!

Chloe SevignyThe real Pussycat Doll.

And just in case you dog lovers were feeling left out, these are for you. At this point, the giving a dog a bone jokes just write themselves.

Kylie MinoguePlease, God, let this just be an post-Frisbee cigarette.

Julianne MooreNever mind the LOLcats, give this dog a cheezburger.

p.s. I’m just going to let this one speak for itself. I don’t even want to imagine what they’re a euphemism for.

Loving them lovely lady lumps?

Oh good, more gay for pay quotes from married female celebrities. Christina Aguilera gave an interview to New York’s HX magazine praising the female form. I agree with her wholeheartedly about the appeal of naked women versus naked men, but do such “revelations” always have to coincide with times when people have a product to sell? I’m crazy about the barn-burning retro groove Christina has on “Ain’t No Other Man.” But, she sings, “Ain’t no other MAN,” not “Ain’t No Other Halle Berry.” Plus, these bisexual revelations would be a lot more convincing if they didn’t keep choosing such obvious crushes. Halle Berry. Angelina Jolie. Jessica Alba. Puh-lease. Someone say Frances McDormand or Laura Linney or Kate Winslet and now you’ve got my attention.