Tank Top Tuesday: Country Gals

I won’t lie, I’m not much for country music – particularly contemporary country music. I grew up in an area where a large chunk the school listened to country music with Skoal rings in their back pockets. And most of those folks wanted little to do with the nerdy little Asian girl with glasses. So, no, there are no “Nothing runs like a Deere” caps in my closet. But now, thanks to the great healers known as time and distances, I can appreciate that other people may love and enjoy country music. Sure, the only contemporary country on my iPod right now is the copy of Chely Wright’s “Lifted Off the Ground” out of lesbo solidarity. But thanks to country gals’ penchant for tight jeans and even tighter tank tops, I totally understand how many a gay gal could swoon.

Jennifer NettlesToo bad she didn’t bring along former Sugarland member and gay lady Kristen Hall for tank top support.

Carrie UnderwoodA girl, a dog and a tank top. God bless America.

Hillary ScottThank you for the tank top. Please stop making my radio station play “I Need You Now.”

Taylor SwiftI actually interviewed her a couple of years ago and she was lovely and gracious and composed. So she can spin whatever fairytale she wants in my book.

Miranda LambertWhen her set came up at Lilith Faire, I took a beer break. Instead I ended up glued to the big screen from the bar ‘cause darn it if that gal didn’t have tons of spunk.

Faith HillRemember when she told a fan not to grab her husband Tim McGraw’s junk from the stage? Good times.

Natalie MainesDude, with that haircut and that tattoo and that tank top it’s like a five-alarm gaydar fire up in here.

Gretchen WilsonRedneck women ride big-ass bikes.

Reba McEntireWristcuffs? Now they’re just taunting us.

Shania TwainWhat? I’m sorry, was I saying something about not liking country? I couldn’t remember on account of the passing out.

Ball buster

Wow, Faith Hill really can’t catch a break these days. First, Redbook Photoshops her to within an inch of her life and now random concertgoers are grabbing handfuls of her hubby’s junk. This weekend, Faith scolded an over-eager audience member who reached out and touched Tim McGraw’s bits and pieces at a Louisiana show on their Soul2Soul2 tour. Her message: hands off!

“Somebody needs to teach you some class, my friend. You don’t go grabbin’ somebody else’s -- somebody’s husband’s balls, you understand me? That’s very disrespectful.”

I especially enjoyed her emphatic and descriptive hand gesture when she said “balls.” Cause, you know, otherwise we might think she was talking about some other kind of balls. Also you have to admire her show-must-go-on spirit as she sway dances her way through the upbraiding of the cupping culprit. Rant-tastic!

Losing Faith

Here is an interesting question: Has Photoshop destroyed our standards of beauty? The feisty ladies over at Jezebel caused quite a stir Monday after they paid $10,000 to an anonymous source so they could post the before-and-after Photoshop cover shots of country singer Faith Hill. [Click the above image to enlarge the horror, the horror.] It seems the editors of Redbook thought the already ridiculously pretty 39-year-old mother of three should be impossibly pretty instead. A little digital trickery here, a lot of digital wizardry there and voilà: A smoking hottie totally divorced from any and all reality. Ahhh, just how I like ’em. Let’s call this for what it is: Sheer. Utter. Madness. The beauty myth really is just that -- a myth. When even the most beautiful among us aren’t beautiful enough, there is something very wrong with our perception of beauty. Let us all throw up our hands, throw away our glossy magazines promising “Thinner Thighs in 30 Days!“ and throw down with all those who make a living by making us feel bad about ourselves because we don’t look like the women staring back at us from glossy covers. Because you know what, even those women don’t look like the women on those covers. And that, my friends, is seriously fucked up.