We can be heroes

No matter how hard you prepare. No matter how hard you play. No matter how hard you want it. Sometimes, the win goes to the country that needs it more. And, God knows, Japan needed it. So, while I’m certainly heartbroken to see our Team USA lose in the Women’s World Cup final, I feel a certain joy too because Japan could use a win this year. But, really, in a game as hard-fought and nail-biting as USA v. Japan, we’re all winners. Because we all got to see some exciting, top-level soccer (yes, yes – football everyone else) and two teams who played their hearts out. That’s a win-win in my book. And that we got to watch three weeks of elite, dedicated, amazing athletes do what they do best. OK, fine, it’s also kind of like three weeks of uninterrupted muscle porn for lesbians. But, hey, can’t it be both? Plus, it’s always a wondrous thing when the world comes together to cheer on women’s sports – no matter the outcome. In fact, the final set a new tweets per second record – beating even the news that Bin Laden had been killed. Way to go, ladies. So one last round of hugging each other with their legs in sportsmanship. See you in 2015.

Team JapanCongratulations, Japan.

Hope SoloGreat game, USA.

Abby WambachAbby Wambach’s forehead for president.

Alex Morgan & Abby WambachDo we really need to wait four years for more of this?

Megan Rapinoe & Abby WambachSo many alternative lifestyle haircuts, so little time.

Team USAJust look at these magnificent human beings.

Abby WambachArm porn forever.

Homare Sawa, Aya Miyama & teammateThreesome, nice.

Team JapanThough why limit things to three?

Homare SawaBadass and adorable in the same tiny body.

Hope Solo & Aya MiyamaUm, doesn’t this totally look like Hope’s trying to pick up Aya after the game? Like, “Hey, girl, hey. Good job winning the World Cup. Can I come back to your place and, you know, touch it?” What? I’m looking for a silver lining, people.

Still sad about Team USA’s loss? Please let Abby Wambach’s abs console you in your time of grief.

Still inconsolable? OK, well I guess since this is a special lesbian emergency, we’ll have to break Hope Solo’s abs.

See, allllll better.

American splendor

Not to be an unapologetic homer, but, um – USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! Right, sorry. I love you, other countries. But I REALLY love Team USA after that amazing, amazing game. It had everything. Bad calls. Really FUCKING bad calls. Last-minute goals. Really last FUCKING minute calls. Penalty kicks. Abby FUCKING Wambach. Hope FUCKING Solo. I said GODDAMN.I watched it in rerun late last night again and it was still so nerve wracking and so, so awesome. And in repeat you got to hear the announcer say, "It will go down as the USA's worst performance ever in the Women's World Cup" a mere 20 seconds before Abby Wambach blew up Brazil. How badass are these ladies? So badass. So in celebration of Team USA’s big win and trip to the semi-finals, here’s some bonus hugging each other with their legs in sportsmanship and all around awesomeness from our gals. America, fuck yeah.

Abby Wambach & Hope Solo

This photo makes me happy in all the right places.

Team Badass USAWelcome to fist pump heaven.

Abby Wambach & Megan Rapinoe

Hover power: Activate!

Ali Krieger & Christie RamponeClutch penalty kick game clinchers make for happy feet.

Hope MOTHERFUCKING SoloThanks to the beauty of this all-out, penalty saving stretch, you can see Hope’s navel piercing. What? I’m observant, so sue me.
Megan RapinoeHow adorable is she? So adorable.

Abby Wambach & Megan Rapinoe & Team USAThat’s what I call assaulting each other with your legs in sportsmanship.

Abby Wambach & Hope SoloI can’t be the only one who saw this and screamed “Kiss her!” Right?

Team USACuddle puddle.

Hey, who wants to watch Rapinoe’s awesome assist and Wambach’s beast of a header again? Yeah, we all do.

Now that, that’s what I call the beautiful game.

Are you ready for some football?

Female soccer players always throw off my gaydar. Always. Take, for instance, Team USA above. I mean, sure they’ve got tank tops and arm porn and alternative-lifestyle haircuts. But what’s really throwing me off is their mad swagger. Not artificial swagger, like unnecessary limps or ridiculous grandstanding. No, the swagger that comes from years and years of getting kicked in the shins. From running up and down a 100-yard field more times than you can count. From sweat and concentration and grit and grass stains embedded in your skin. Soccer is fucking hard work. So when you’re good, you’ve got natural swagger. And that, that’s hot. It’s also hot that when the women score they tend to jump, legs first, into their teammates’ arms. Any sport that celebrates by hugging each other with your legs in friendship is a sport I want to watch. So to honor of the Women’s World Cup and all those amazing ladies with mad swagger, how about a little lady leg action?

Team EnglandSo much for English reserve.

Team JapanThe leg wrap here is especially impressive.

Team Equatorial GuineaWell, this just looks like we’re interrupting a private moment.

Team England, againSeriously, what’s in the tea over there?

Team SwedenSometimes hugging can cross precariously into mounting – not that I mind.

Team NorwayOK, ladies, time to get a room.

Of course, this being Tuesday and me being a giver, I didn’t want to ignore all the quality tank top action happening either. Sure they’ve got great legs, but these ladies are also packing some serious guns.

Hope Solo, USANever has the fact that goalies get to use their hands seemed more delicious.

Abby Wambach, USAExtra bonus point for the tongue.

Jessica Landström, SwedenGorgeous, gay and ohmygod those guns. Also, she’s our mounty friend No. 9 above. Did I mention she’s my new favorite player?

p.s. For more on the lovely Ms. Landström and the other out players in the 2011 Women’s World Cup, check out AfterEllen this week up now.