For richer, for poorer

Lots of marriages don’t work. Gay marriages. Opposite marriages. People enter with the best intentions and then, for whatever reason, end up with irreconcilable differences. Until death do us part is really more of a suggestion these days. So the end of Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels nine-year relationship is in and of itself not shocking. Sad, but not shocking.

But what is shocking, and also sad – not to mention really fucking disappointing, is what seems to be a shirking of responsibility on Melissa’s part now that their marriage is over. Melissa filed for divorce on Friday, citing that old standby “irreconcilable differences.” She also asked the court for a) joint custody of their 3-year-old twins and b) to not pay financial support to Tammy. Um, what?

Tammy, not one to take a headline lying down, took to her blog to let the universe know exactly how she felt about that. She wrote that she was blindsided by Melissa’s filing (she says Melissa had promised not to file until after her tour was over in the fall). And then she had some choice words about Melissa wanting to wriggle out of alimony.

i gave up my managers, agents, contacts, all that good stuff, because i stepped directly into potty training a small boy, and carrying around a small girl on my hip. both excellent souls. and i was a very huge part in raising them for many many years while She with the Guitar focused on her Guitar.

i was always the house wife after that. the only thing i hated about it was not bringing in money- i have made my own money since i started babysitting at 10, and having a newspaper route at 11. having no steady paycheck killed me for those years with her. and now it's really killing me. the other week i had to borrow money from a friend. two weeks ago i had to scrape together $1.25 to pay for gas. i know she doesn't want to give me money. trust. i'm borrowing cash left and right from people to get through this summer, and feed my kids, with a stomach full of ulcers, thank you. no stress here. :-)

Look, She with the Guitar, Tammy helped raise your two kids from your previous marriage. She is raising your two twins. She stuck by you through cancer. She stuck by you when you won an Oscar. She gave up her career to make this all happen. She was truly there for better and for worse. These things, they have worth. She may not have made a paycheck, but those are work. And you benefited from that work. And now, just like any other marriage that ends in divorce where one partner made the money and the other stayed at home to raise the family, you need to pony up.

We can’t enjoy the fun parts and then when things get decidedly unfun say, well, it wasn’t a real marriage anyway. Hell yes, it was. Weren’t you all filled with piss and civil disobedience when Prop. 8 passed, saying you wouldn’t pay your state income taxes because California took away your right to legally marry? Or, as I now suspect, do I detecting much more simple reasoning. Is it all about saving a few bucks and not paying people what they are due?

As we stare down the still-smoking barrel of the latest sorry shooting down of our civil liberties (Gee thanks, Hawaii. Aloha this.), the absurdity of Melissa’s request becomes all the more apparent.

With rights come responsibilities. In this quest to be equal, we have to take the good with the bad. The right to get married? Yes, absolutely. The responsibilities that come if that marriage ends in divorce? Yep, those too. Love is love. Marriage is marriage. Fair is fair. Honey, if you didn’t wanna pay up, shoulda got a pre-nup.

Just Say No

I’ve decided that the media-savvy hate mongers of this world will no longer get what they want most: my attention. Yes, I’m talking to you Ann Coulter. And you, Michael Savage. You disgust me. You stand against everything I hold dear. But, in the end, you’re just not worth my time. So instead of highlighting your bigoted behavior, I’m going to praise the subjects of your ugly attacks.

Melissa and Tammy Lynn: How anyone would look at these two and “want to puke,” as a certain savagely hateful radio commenter declared, is beyond me. If this kind of radiant love is wrong, well let me never, ever be right.

John Edwards: I’m still in the courting phase with all the Democratic presidential hopefuls, but regardless of whether he gets my vote or not, Edwards has always struck me as decent man sincerely committed to addressing the chasm between the haves and have nots. So if the best, most cutting critique a certain cold-hearted conservative commenatrix could come up with is “faggot,” his candidacy is looking pretty strong.

What these big-mouth bigots wants is our attention. It sells more books. It attracts more listeners. It makes them more famous. So, I say, just ignore them. Let us boycott the bigoted. They’re like children acting out for their parents’ attention. Let them kick and scream and threaten to hold their breath all they want. Eventually they’ll tire themselves out and be left in a sweaty, tear-filled puddle of their own making. Good riddance.

(Not So) Live Blog of the Gay Oscars

Hollywood’s biggest night went off without a hitch (unless you count Celine Dion’s inexplicable musical number. Why must you punish us so?) Yes, Marty Scorsese finally won his Oscar and Al Gore can now add “Oscar winner” to his titles along with “Almost President.” But, let’s cut the filler and get straight to the gay stuff. A chronological recap of the night’s most queerrific moments:

5:37 PM: Ellen emerges wearing a red, velvet tuxedo. She then quips in her monologue: “If there weren't blacks, Jews or gays, there would be no Oscars.” 6:26 PM: A dance troupe will be interpreting the best picture nominees, among others, through the night. That’s pretty gay.
6:33 PM: Melissa Etheridge sings her nominated song “I Need to Wake Up,” which is perfect since the Randy Newman/James Taylor number before put me into a coma.
6:35 PM: Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio talk about the “Green Oscars.” I just thought the gay boys might appreciate a shot of Leo. And, for the bears out there, Al. 7:00 PM: Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt come out to present holding hands. My naughty fantasies now come with real, live visuals. Then, they give the costume design award to a lady wearing a suit and little tie. She thanks her husband, but it’s too late and she has now been added to a new fantasy sequence. 7:10 PM: Ellen works the crowd in a white tux. Gets Steven Spielberg to take a picture of her and Clint Eastwood for her Myspace page, thus proving that the internet is - indeed - gay.
7:29 PM: Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen come out, finally giving gay men and women a presenting duo they can enjoy equally. 8:20 PM: Jennifer Hudson wins for Dreamgirls. I know she’s not gay, but she was in a musical and I’m happy for her.
8:30 PM: Queen Latifah and John Travolta present Melissa the Best Song Oscar. I’ll let you decide how many in that trio are gay… Melissa kisses Tammy on the way up and then thanks her and their four children in her terrific speech: “Wow, that feels as good as you think it does.” It feels good for us, too, Melissa. 8:40 PM: Kate Winslet. Just Kate Winslet, le sigh. 8:45 PM: Jodie Foster introduces the In Memoriam segment. Oh Jodie, Jodie. Come out, honey. Everybody knows. 8:50 PM: Ellen changes into a blue tuxedo. She has now worn red, white and blue suits. She’s an All-American girl, get it?
8:55 PM: Helen Mirren is the queen of the Oscars. My love for her is unending. She can now drop her fries.9:15 PM: A drop-dead sexy Diane Keaton comes out with a drop-dead scary Jack Nicholson and gives Marty his Oscar. I’m happy for Marty, but I want to see more Diane. A lot more.

Double vision, oh wait, twins

Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels gave “US Weekly” an exclusive first look at their twins, Miller Steven and Johnnie Rose. Come on, go ahead. Say it. Say it. Awwwww... OK, now that that is out of the way, Tammy expressed ambivalence toward the shoot in her blog. Uneasiness aside, it’s great to see such a happy, healthy image of gay parenting. Oh, and with much better hair.

Lesbosphere expands

We all know about the blogosphere. Well welcome to the lesbosphere. Seems Melissa Etheridge’s partner and new mom Tammy Etheridge (formerly Tammy Lynn Michaels of “Popular” fame) has her very own blog. Much like fellow celebrity blogger Rosie O’Donnell, Tammy writes her posts largely in prose* verse. Geez, what is it with lesbians and poetry blogs? Her cover was blown yesterday when Perez Hilton publicized her site. While not completely anonymous (she writes about fame, her contempt for the paparazzi , being gay, her pregnancy, Melissa’s cancer), Tammy refers to the singer only as “Honey.” It can be an interesting read, but I fear now that her anonymity has been lost in such a big way (seriously, that dude gets crazy traffic), she won’t be as open and free with her thoughts. But then, if you don’t want to share your thoughts with the world, why start a blog?

*Indeed, as it was so astutely pointed out, "prose" was the wrong word to use here. Very good, you passed the vocabulary portion of this quiz. Next up, chemistry!