Well, this is it. The finale. Mmmm, child, you know this is gonna be crazy. Sure you kinda, sorta already know exactly how crazy (yes, I realize that’s sorta, kinda my fault). Still, some things just have to be seen to be believed. To keep things interesting, and in honor of the final Pre-L of the year, I’ve made a little scavenger hunt for the finale. Can you find: Eva Torres, Helena’s “Puppy,” and the afterlife’s drink of choice? Find all three, win - well, does pride count as a prize? Enjoy the show and come back this week for my Season 4 wrap-up. The season is over, but the drama never ends.
1) Ilene Chaiken: Not so much with the subtle.
2) Jenny needs Scriptwriting for Dummies, but wants a dog. Oy.
3) It’s Tasha’s party and Alice will be a crybaby if she wants to.
4) Tina, basically, nails Bette. No, no -- not that way. This way.
5) Jared, not so hot on mom being a lez. Shane, just hot.
6) Kate tells Tina her body is a seller’s market. So, uh, buy now.
7) Phyllis, meet The Reamer. Bet that’ll come in handy later.
8) How do you accessorize crazy? With a tiny dog, of course.
9) Max has second thoughts. Up close, we can almost see them.
10) Meet Alice, Bette and Shane: Master Thieves.
11) Papi gets the “working on myself” speech. That old chestnut.
12) The return of the Vagina Wig.
13) Paige and Shane love a little afternoon delight.
14) Wait, did I switch over to TV Land by accident?
15) Death becomes her. Le sigh.
16) Helena shows herself the money.
17) Tina and Bette mix their messages. Good luck in season 5.
18) Jenny is adrift. Show me your metaphors, I’ll show you mine.
19) Bette and Jodi gets their Old McDonald on. Nice wheels.
20) Alice better tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree for her.
New Guestbian Count: O
The Reamer Explained: “It’s a precision tool, Phyllis. If you’re going to be a lesbian, you’re going to have to get to know your tool kit.” -- Bette to Phyllis
When Pod People Attack: “I don’t think that’s Shane. I think that’s a pod person in Shane’s body pretending to be Shane.” -- Alice
Good Question, Part I: “Have you crushed any souls lately?” -- Stacy to Jenny
Good Question, Part II: “Why would (Tina) try to help me get Jodi back if she wanted to be with me?” -- Bette
Guest Artist Alert: Toshi Reagon
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