Fergie gets lesbalicious

Fergie is a lesbian. No -- wait, wait -- that came out wrong. Fergie is playing a lesbian in the Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez horror double feature “Grindhouse.” Whew, for a minute I was genuinely alarmed. As much as I like to throw a few Black Eyed Peas into the mix and (given the right amount of alcohol) will dance to some Fergalicious, Fergie the person does nothing for me. Nada. Zilch. Her face reminds me of a tomato, and that’s being somewhat uncharitable to the produce. (Oh, snap!) Yes, yes, I know that was mean. But her hyper-sexualized, hyper-hootchie image has the same effect on me as The Pussycat Dolls. Essentially, a shoulder shrug and an apathetic “Is that all there is?” Still, for what it’s worth, Stacy Ferguson has a small, but lesbian role in the new zombie/slasher exploitation extravaganza (thanks for the heads up, Scribe). As Fergie told Maxim, “Robert asked me if I had a problem playing a lesbian, and I was like, ‘Hell, no!’” If only Robert had asked me if I had a problem with Fergie playing a lesbian. Because I would have been like, “Hell, yes!”