Sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g...

[Spoilers, spoilers Will Robinson! “Grey’s Anatomy” spoilers!]

Once again, I am going to preface this post by saying that these are just rumors and speculations. The rumors come from TV Guide (soon-to-be EW) scoopmeister Michael Ausiello, who is as close as you come to a reliable source in this department. The speculations come from me. OK, last chance spoilerphobes. Leave now or forever hold your peace.

From his May 28 Ask Ausiello:
Question: Grey's scoop, please!
Ausiello: I hear someone may be preggers — and that someone shared a red-hot smooch in the finale!

To which I say, “Nooooooooooooo!”

Now, I can’t be the only one who thinks the “red-hot smooch” couple in question is Callie and Erica. The Meredith/McDreamy kiss was more romantic. The Izzie/Alex kiss was more desperate. The rest were tangential. Judge for yourself which was “red-hot.”

I don’t even watch/like Grey’s, but I appreciate a well-written lesbian/bisexual storyline as much as the next gal. That kiss was genuine. That kiss was hot. That kiss was genuinely hot.

Sadly, I can also smell a pregnant lesbian storyline coming from miles away. Empirical evidence aside, a Callie or Erica pregnancy simply seems more feasible within the context of the show. I mean, come on, is Shonda Rhimes really going to make Pompeo or Heigl pregnant next season? Seriously, think about it.

Of course, I could be wrong. I could be very, incredibly, completely wrong. And let’s hope that I am. But if I am not wrong then, dude, what the fuck?

Must the pregnant lesbian storyline be TV’s go-to plot point for the Sapphically inclined? What is it about lesbians that makes writers automatically think procreation? Is it that they see two women together and immediately assume that means double the maternal instinct? Or is it just easier to desexualize them by making them all about the kiddies?

Look, I have nothing against real-life pregnant lesbians. In fact, mazel tov! But the pregnant couple/custody battle/insemination struggle lesbian storyline is beyond old and moldy (and not in that good exotic French cheese kind of way). Just off the very tippy-top of my head I can rattle off “Friends,” “ER,” “Queer as Folk,” “The Wire,” “Exes & Ohs,” “The L Word,” “Cashmere Mafia” and that doesn’t even include TV movies or guest appearances.

The ridiculous overuse of the pregnant lesbian storyline denies the rich array of other experiences in our relationships between the k-i-s-s-i-n-g, then love, then marriage and then – finally – a baby in a baby carriage.

So, you know, let’s just hope I’m wrong.