Ahhh, Sarah Haskins. Where was she during Pride Weekend? (Yes, I got a tiny bit of that vibe too, ladies.) Her latest “Target Women” segment takes on Botox. Look, I know no one is particularly thrilled about aging. Heck, old Ponce de León died searching for that elusive Fountain of Youth. But now, thanks to modern medicine and centuries-old poisonous neurotoxins, you too can paralyze tiny muscles in your face in an attempt to look young and totally expressionless. Yay for botulism! Let’s let Sarah explain.
My favorite line: “They want them boners back!” My second favorite line: “Don’t listen to me, I’m a form of punctuation that signifies an aside.” Grammatically correct and hilarious. Be still my heart.
True story, I have a beautiful 28 year-old-friend who uses Botox. She is twenty-freaking-eight! And she is beautiful! And she lets a doctor inject botulism into her forehead! What the fuck? It borders on evil how the cosmetic and pharmaceutical industries prey on the one thing that is guaranteed to happen to every single one of us. How’s that song go?
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I’m getting older too...
We all are, so stop making us feel so fucking bad about it. Being healthy and trying to look your best is one thing. Intentionally paralyzing parts of your face is entirely another. For God’s sake, if you wouldn’t eat it when it’s festering in a can, why the hell would you willingly shoot it into your face?
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