Dear Tina,Hey, honey. I just wanted to write you a quick note to check in just in case you'd been feeling a tad ignored lately. Let me assure you, you are still my No. 1 gal. You're the tops. You're the best. You're the one.
OK, sure, there might have been other ones, too. It's not that I've been unfaithful, it's just that the world is filled with so many smart, amazing and hilarious women. So, yeah, I've thought about it. And maybe I've even flirted a little. Fine, a lot. I am only human, after all.
Look, it's not like you made things easy for me either. All those other women shamelessly lusting after you. They're practically throwing themselves at your feet. But do you rebuff their worship? Noooooo. Plus, it's not like you've returned any of my calls. Or replied to any of my letters. And, really, was that restraining order absolutely necessary?
But, you know I can't stay mad at you. Not when you give me one of your geeky little grins. All that other stuff just becomes so much water under the bridge when you have a love like ours. I know you only call the cops on me because you care. I want you to know that you have nothing to fear. My eyes may wander, but my heart will never stray. Though, maybe you should keep the glasses on – just in case.
Your always,
Ms. Snarker
p.s. Seriously sweetie, glasses or not, any gal with a badonkadonk like this, well, she's a keeper. My baby's got back. DAY-YUM!
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