L’ementary news

Showgirls, spin-offs, web series...oh my! Just when I thought I was out, “The L Word” drags me back in. All L has broken loose on the show we love to hate, hate to love. Let's work our way backward to give this insanity some semblance of order, shall we?

First, the Showgirl herself Elizabeth Berkley will join the show for a multi-episode arc as “the straight girl that got away from (Bette) in college.” I think my thoughts on this casting are best summed up by a quote from Elizabeth's own Jessie Spano. “I'm so excited, I'm so excited...I'm so SCARED!”

Though, I'm not going to lie, the possibility of some kind of high kitsch “Flashdance” versus “Showgirls” Beals/Berkley dance-off fills me with inexplicable glee. All of a sudden I feel like Christopher Walken on “Saturday Night Live” with the cow bell. “We need more stripper pole!”

And in older, but no less holy hell news, “The L Word” is dead, long live the The L Word Spin-Off. Showtime brass announced that TLW will live on in spirit after Season 6 as an online crossover show centered around a yet-to-be-named cast member that could, if the executives like it, turn into a full-fledged televised spin-off for the cable channel. Want me to vague that up a little more for ya? So few details, so many lesbians hanging on every single one.

Already folks are petitioning for their favorites (hello, Tibetters, I got your note!) But I have this sneaking suspicion that no matter how much we want it to be one of the original cast members (please let it be Alice, please let it be Alice, please let it be Alice...), the new show will end up focusing on one of the more recent or more peripheral characters – like, say, Jodi or Tasha or Molly or Dylan or, shudder, Papi (all of whom will be back for the final season, by the way). I base this absolutely, positively, 100 percent on nothing more than my gut instinct. But that could also just be the Chinese food I had for dinner gurgling.

So, my chickadees, who should Mama Chaiken choose? And, more importantly, since Elizabeth is already coming do you think there's any way we could also get Gina Gershon as a package deal? Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask.