My Weekend Crush

As much as we'd like to think the days are over when it was considered “brave” for a straight actor to portray a gay character, the world stubbornly keeps reminding us of the risks inherent to anyone who dares to associate herself with the love that dare not speak its name. Fifteen years ago when Tom Hanks won his Oscar for getting kissed on the hand by Antonio Banderas (and, of course, dying from a terrible, terrible disease) in “Philadelphia,” it broke ground. Yet here we are in 2008 and playing gay can still put you on shaky ground.

I never watched much of “Grey's Anatomy” before Brooke Smith walked into Seattle Grace and up to Sara Ramirez. And now that she has walked out, I can guarantee that I won't be watching much anymore. While I love (seriously, love) Sara, it was always Brooke who sold me on Callica. This season it was her eyes I saw their romance through. Her eyes that lingered. Her eyes that brightened. Her eyes that showed you everything you've ever felt in that electric rush of new love.

It is a testament to Brooke's sheer talent that as Erica Hahn she erased all memories of “it puts the lotion in the basket” for me. And then, well, then there was the glasses scene. In less than two minutes she brought up what is a universal revelation in the life of almost every gay and lesbian person. The lightbulb. Whether it comes quietly to oneself or jarringly in the open, it happens. Damn, I am so gay.

Watching the full spectrum of emotions on Brooke's face – elation, revelation, heartbreak – it was all so wonderfully real. The catch in her voice was the catch that comes from an answer you never even though to ask the question to but now can't believe you ever lived without knowing.

All of this, of course, makes Brooke's unceremonious ouster this week all the more outrageous. Whether it was for the most unacceptably egregious reason (that the gay was too gay) or simply an insipidly egregious reason (that Erica was too Erica), it was wrong. And it made no sense. And, it was a whole lot of wrong some more. In a hospital full of navel-gazing whiners, aggrandizers and assholes, at least Erica was straight forward. And no chemistry? That doesn't even dignify a response other than one specific finger vehemently raised.

So I applaud everyone fighting the good fight to bring Erica back (they've settled on sending leaves, by the way, so grab a rake and find out more here). But for me, Grey's has lost the right to have a character as rich and as real as Erica. And they've certainly lost the right to have an actress as gifted and – yes, I'm going to say it – brave as Brooke. Hell, you'd need glasses not to see that. Happy weekend, all.