Naked Lady (Athletes) Monday

Nothing like a little gratuitous muscle definition to perk up your Monday morning. EPSN’s Body Issue came out earlier this month and it featured a bunch of buff athletes in the buff (and near buff). There are many ways to describe these pictures: inspiring, motivational, drool-worthy. What I respect most, however, is the hard work that goes into every ripple, every curve, every bulge. All of this takes commitment, determination and a whole lot of sweat. Which reminds me, damn, I should really get to the gym.

[Click to embiggen, also NSFWish...but tastefully so.]

Gina Carano, mixed martial arts fighterLolo Jones, hurdlerClaire Bevilacqua, surferNatasha Kai, soccer playerSarah Reinertsen, triathleteSusan Francia, rowerMichelle Carter, shot putterBib Golic, table tennis playerNatasha Watley, Cat Osterman, Jessica Mendoza, Lauren Lappin, softball playersSerena Williams, tennis player

Show me your muscles

So, we all already knew that girls' sports were awesome. But now, according to the New York Times, girls' sports are actually lucrative. Suck it, Major League. Though, in all seriousness, anyone who has ever been to a girls' or women's sporting event can tell you that the heart these competitors play with is equal, if not greater than, any competitor in men's sports. This is because, for the most part, they aren't playing for glory or future fame or big shoe endorsements. They're playing for the unadulterated, uncomplicated, uncompromised love of the game. So, yeah, girls' sports are awesome. And the women these girl athletes grow into, sweet holy hell, they're hot.

Dara Torres I focus on her abs so much I forget she has killer arm cleavage.

Detroit ShockI'd better see him wear this during one of his pick-up games.

Serena WilliamsThose arms make me want to be a better woman.

Jelena JankovicThese too.

Natasha KaiWanna see ‘Tasha get a tattoo? Course you do.

Blanca VlasicOh my, the bendy.

Lolo JonesI think she might possibly be perfect, tiny trip and all.

I'll bring the muscle

Ask and ye shall receive. If it's strong women you want, baby, it's strong women you get. Now anyone who was around during the Summer Olympics knows my fetish admiration for athletic women is boundless. I'm endlessly impressed by “muscularity/toned/athleticism” in women. Heck, I've even theorized before that strong arms are like cleavage for lesbians. They certainly get more overt ogling from me than either T or A. Part my love of athletes is the dedication and work that goes into these glistening bodies and part is because I am a spectacularly clumsy, scrawny, athletically-challenged dork. So, you know, opposites attract.

Dara TorresI think my deep reverence for the accomplishments of this five-time Olympian could best be summed up by the saying: humana humana, humana humana.
Natasha KaiSoccer star. Check. Lesbian. Check. Gold Medal. Check. Tattoos. Check. No, seriously, check out those tattoos.


Gina CaranoI'm a lover (or at least aspire to be a lover), and decidedly not a fighter. Still, any way you slice it mixed martial arts fighter (a.k.a. Crush from “American Gladiator”) is a knockout. Seriously. Thud.
Gro HammersengI don't really understand handball other than that it looks hard as hell to play. What I do understand is that 6-feet-tall lesbian Norwegian handball captains have the kind of arm cleavage that renders me temporarily incapable for forming multisyllabic words, or any words at all.
Fabiola da Silva

When Brazilian inline skater and seven-time X-Games gold medalist reaches for the sky, the sky has to take a step backward. Her skills are so limitless the league had to create the “Fabiola Rule” to allow her to compete against the men. From the looks of things, she could out bench press a bunch of them, too.
Jessica ZelinkaIf muscle definition was an Olympic sport, this Canadian heptathlete would be a world record breaker. Guess she'll just have to settle for being an actual Olympian. Oh, and cute as a button – a really fit button.
Steffi GrafSteffi is my favorite tennis player, and possibly athlete, of all time. Her sheer domination of the sport was nothing short of mesmerizing. Also, I'm pretty sure her famous Vogue photoshoot from 1989 helped make me gay.

GGALGG: Gay Medal Edition

Sigh. I miss the Olympics already. All those amazing, muscley, sweaty, semi-clad women. Once every four years isn't nearly soon enough. Let's look back once more with feeling at all the gaiety. And by gaiety, I mean just gay – as in, let's see how some of the out gay women did at the games. So, by popular request, I give you GGALGG. Or, as these gals might call it, just another Monday.
[Hat tip, USWNT Fan, for the chest bump above!]

[Click each to enlarge the Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals.]

Natasha Kai, USA, soccer, goldBrandi Chastain, eat your heart out.

Gro Hammerseng and Katja Nyberg, Norway, handball, goldSneaky Russian checks out Gro's abs.Katja retaliates for the ogling.Big gay hug in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Carole Péon, France, triathlon, 34thBiceps like that are their own medal.

Imke Duplitzer, Germany, fencing, quarterfinalsThis outfit will soon be seen in lesbian bars everywhere.

Fiona Pennie, Great Britain, canoe/kayak, 19thForearms like that are their own medal.

Victoria Svensson, Sweden, soccer, quarterfinalsRounding second base, headed for third.

Judith Arndt, Germany, cycling, 41st and 6thBest hat at the Olympics, hands down.

Linda Bresonik, Germany, soccer, bronzeThird place and a threesome. Life is filled with happy synchronicity.

Lauren Lappin (37) and Vicky Galindo (19), USA, softball, silverGee, lesbians play softball?

[For more on the big gay winners, check out AfterEllen today.]

Tank Top Tuesday

I love the Olympics. I just do. I've watched them since I was a wee, unathletic child and watch them now as a wee, unathletic adult. I've never watched an opening ceremony where my eyes haven't misted over at the sheer accomplishment and pride on the faces of every athlete. And I guess, really, that's what I love most about the Olympics – the athletes themselves. The discipline, dedication and drive to become the best in the world is truly awesome in the actual dictionary definition of the word. Also, they're just freaking hot. Like Beijing in August hot. Like melt the circuitry on the computer screen hot. Like center of the sun hot. No wonder they're wearing all those tank tops. A look at some of Team USA's most spectacular sleeveless stars. So in the spirit of true sportsmanship, I give you T3: Olympics Edition.

Dara Torres, swimmingIt almost seems wrong to deprive us of those abs.

[Hat tip, Dana of Mombian.com!]

Natasha Kai, soccerSwoon. Thud. Swoon. Thud. She is out, too? Thud and stay thud.

Hope Solo, soccerGoooooooooooal! Keeper that is.

Allyson Felix, trackThe best kind of fast woman.

Alicia Sacramone, gymnasticsBendy is a good thing.

[Hat tip, Caitlin!]

Amy Acuff, high jumpTall and bendy ain't bad either.

Candace Parker, basketballDouble your tank tops, double your fun.

Sue Bird, basketballPretty, pretty birdie

Logan Tom, volleyballKeep your eye on the ball.

Elaine Youngs and Nicole Branagh, beach volleyballWhat? Bikini tops totally count as tank tops.

p.s. Fear not my international friends, my all-American tribute today is not an isolationist stance on hotness. The Olympics run until Aug. 24, so if you've got the tank tops, I've got the time. Send me your best, world.