You must be this tall to ride

Here’s a little-known fact about Jodie Foster – she is part garden gnome. Now, I can say this as I myself am also part garden gnome. It’s a short thing. Still we of the small stature (and occasional pointy red hats) have assimilated amazingly well into normal society. Sure, sometimes we need to climb onto the shelving at Target to reach the toilet paper – seriously, do they need to put it that high? But otherwise we roam among the normal heighted with ease and confidence, oftentimes blissfully unaware of our inherent height inequity. That is until we have to take a picture. And then, alas, then it becomes all too clear. We’re garden gnomes and everyone else is gardeners. Jodie, honey, I feel your pain. And I, too, have an inordinate amount of step-stools in my house. Your secret is safe with me. I would never share all the rare photographic evidence of I’ve collected of “Gnomie” Foster mingling in the wild with the tall, tall world. Oh, wait.

Jodie & Olivia WildeI wonder how many mountain oxen Jodie dreamed of strangling while in Olivia’s towering presence.

Jodie & Kathryn BigelowWell, this isn’t even fair. Her name is BIGelow.

Jodie & Julia RobertsJodie seems to be fearfully eyeballing Julia to make sure she doesn’t step on her.

Jodie & Sigourney WeaverSigourney is clearly wishing her dress had pockets so she could put Jodie in hers and take her home.

Jodie & Queen LatifahEvery queen needs her noble gnome.

Jodie & Goldie HawnTall blonde.

Jodie & Melanie GriffithTaller blonde.

Jodie & Daryl HannahTallest blonde – though perfect eye-to-bust height.

Jodie & Sharon StoneSharon clearly has a gnome fetish.

Jodie & Kristen StewartShe played her young daughter, now taller.

Jodie & Jena MaloneShe played her younger self, now taller.

Jodie & Tom CruiseCome on, she even makes Tom Cruise look giant.

Jodie & Holly HunterFinally, Jodie is among her kind.

We garden gnomes are a proud people. But, yes, we will let you help up get that bowl off the top shelf.

Vacation Vixen: Queen Latifah

She bought a house with her personal trainer. So that’s what they’re calling it these days.

The Queen of Kings

The Queen has a new album out, and darn it if she is not looking like a king on it – a drag king, that is. Queen Latifah’s new album “Persona” came out Tuesday. On it she experiments with several styles – or personas if you will. Lovely idea. But, of course, the only persona I care about right now is her butch one. Because, make no mistake, this is not an isolated incident. Our Queen has a tendency to butch it up both on and off screen to delicious effect. It’d be easy to speculate about the reason for her butch tendencies (cough, The Gay, cough). But I’d rather just enjoy the aesthetic. All hail the queen of kings.

In The Movies:

Stranger Than FictionLast HolidayThe CookoutSet It OffSeriously, Set It Off (she even played gay!)

On the Streets:

On a MotorcycleIn Cargo ShortsHolding a Coconut (come on, a coconut!)With Her Girlfriend Personal TrainerNo Comment

Gender Fuck Thursday

The art and craft of the gender fuck is not limited to gals dressing like guys. It’s also the natural realm of that once ubiquitous species known as The Tomboy. Now, these days the tomboy seems to be lumped under the larger umbrella of butch. Which is all fine and good. But I’ve always had a soft spot for the tomboy. I was a tomboy, minus any semblance of athletic ability. Now not all tomboys grow up to be butches and not all butches were originally tomboys. Sure they’re intricately intertwined, but it’s still fun to think about the tomboy as her own entity. There is a build-in practicality to tomboys. Her clothes must be climb-a-tree, ride-a-skateboard, beat-up-a-bully ready. She has style all her own that blends the masculine and feminine both simply and seamlessly. Also, tomboys are just damn cute. And, from the look of Kate Moennig (above* and below) and her jaunty chapeau, she knows it too. [*Swapped out that first photo, just in case Google image search was trying to confound me.]

Clea DuVallNote the tomboy staples: the white v-neck and the hoodie.

Ellen PageYes, hon, but boxers or briefs?

Queen LatifahDressed up or dressed to ride, she’s still the Queen Tom.

Jodie FosterOpen a dictionary to “tomboy,” and you’ll find this.