SGALGG: Award Season Edition

I love award season. First, you get to honor amazing actors for outstanding work. And second, dude, women in beautiful dresses. Hello. But, even better than a lady in a nice frock is a lady in a nice frock acting frisky with another lady. Oh, kittens, you know where I am going with this. In honor of last week's Oscar nominations, here is a look at the Best SGALGG nominees so far this awards season. The competition is fierce. And by fierce, I mean hot.
[Click any and all to enlarge for, you know, judging purposes.]

Most Insistent: Robin Wright Penn & Kate WinsletRobin really, really wants to get a little closer to Kate.
Can you blame her?

Best Couple: Amy Adams & Emily BluntWhat? In my head they're totally a couple. (p.s. I can't wait for “Sunshine Cleaning.”)

Luckiest S.O.B. Ever: Dude between Olivia Wilde & Angelina JolieThis guy is inches away as Olivia and Angelina are about to touch. Five bucks say he jizzed! in! his pants!

Best Kiss: Anne Hathaway & Rosemarie DeWittDear Anne: Brokeback for lesbians. Think about it.
xoxo, Ms. Snarker.

Most Blatant Checking Out of the Merchandise:
Eva Longoria & Rosario DawsonRosario, honey, her eyes are higher.

Best “Oh My,What Are You Doing With Your Hand?”: Meryl Streep & Penelope CruzA little down. Now to the left. Oh yeah, just like that.

Most Mommy Issues: Jessica Lang & Drew BarrymoreSure, they play mother-daughter in “Grey Gardens.” But if men can do May-December, then so can SGALGG.

Best Recruitment Material: Christina HendricksFine, so there isn't another gal to act gay with Christina. But, come on, if just seeing that doesn't make every straight gal on the planet question her sexuality, well, nothing will.

Pippa’s not-so privates anymore

Ladies, I don’t mean to brag (actually, that’s a lie -- I totally mean to brag), but I am two for two on my lesbian character prognosticating. Yesterday, Olivia Wilde’s Thirteen on “House.” Today, Julianne Moore’s character in “The Private Lives of Pippa Lee.” Called it, again! One more and I get that free toaster oven. If you will recall, back last November I wrote about the film -- starring Julianne, Robin Wright Penn and Winona Ryder -- and said its description made my gay Spidey sense tingle. Let me quote myself again, in chapter and verse:

According to Variety, its plot description is such:
“The story centers on a dutiful wife whose husband falls for a younger woman, freeing her to explore her buried sensuality and leading to a very quiet nervous breakdown.”

So, I can’t be the only one whose gaydar got a blip from that, right? Freeing? Exploring? Buried sensuality? And, of course, nervous breakdowns? So. Totally. Gay.

Well, according to The Hollywood Reporter, Julianne’s character is a lesbian novelist, as well as a friend to Robin’s Pippa. Thank you, thank you. Seriously, please, sit down. There’s no need for that standing ovation. Really, you are too kind.

So, I have to say, my gaydar has been deadly accurate of late. In fact, I think it’s so finely tuned that it may have military applications. Perhaps I should start calling myself She-Dar: Princess of Gaydar! [NOTE: I was totally going to use another word at the end that starts with “p” ends with “y” there, but then I thought, “No, Snarker, stay classy. Stay classy.” My inner voice is boring.] Sadly, my powers only appear to apply to fictional characters. Any real-world detection abilities and/or prophesizing skills are, as yet, untested. But I’m not above trying. Hey, Ellen Page, come sit by me. I want to get a closer look at you.

As for the film, additional cast members were also announced. Joining the lovely trio will be Maggie Gyllenhaal, Monica Bellucci, Alan Arkin and Keanu Reeves. Alan will play Pippa’s philandering husband. Winona is the younger woman he leaves her for. Monica plays his first wife. And Keanu is the younger man Pippa takes up with afterward. Oh, and Maggie will be play Pippa’s pill-popping mother in flashback sequences.

Damn, that’s a lot of drama. And, uh, how did Alan Arkin land so many hot women? While the Keanu news dampens some of my big gay enthusiasm, keep in mind that the film’s title is “The Private Lives of Pippa Lee,” which implies that while she may have a private life with Keanu, she could also have another one with Julianne. My gaydar says yes. And I think we’ve all learned that it’s unwise to challenge my gaydar. “For the Honor of Gayskull….I am She-Dar!”

p.s. Just in case you haven’t seen what, exactly, a “lesbian novelist” looks like these days, I thought I’d jog your collective memories. I love...books.

Pippa’s privates

You know when you read a plot description and something in the back of your head goes off, kind of like gay Spidey sense? Well, I have that quite a bit and most of the time it’s just my own wishful lesbian thinking. (Ahh, wishful lesbian thinking, it’s the reason I still tune in to watch Bionic Woman each week. Come on Sarah and Jamie, you know you want to…) But sometimes, sometimes I think I might be onto something. Take, for instance, the recent casting news that Robin Wright Penn, Winona Ryder and Julianne Moore had signed on to star in “The Private Lives of Pippa Lee.”

Now I can’t tell you for sure, either way, if this film has any gay content or gay subtext or even a wacky gay neighbor who loves show tunes and has a poodle named Precious. I’ve Googled and Googled and all I can tell right now is that it is based on a yet-to-be-published novel by Rebecca Miller by the same name. According to Variety, its plot description is such:

“The story centers on a dutiful wife whose husband falls for a younger woman, freeing her to explore her buried sensuality and leading to a very quiet nervous breakdown.”

So, I can’t be the only one whose gaydar got a blip from that, right? Freeing? Exploring? Buried sensuality? And, of course, nervous breakdowns? So. Totally. Gay.

Robin will play Pippa and my best guess is that Winona is the younger woman. But then, well, then there is Julianne. Why such star wattage if she is only going to be a friend? I wonder. Rebecca Miller has directed a handful of films, including “Personal Velocity” and “The Ballad of Jack and Rose” and I’ve always thought her work could easily include, and benefit from, some lesbian subtext. What I do know is that even the faintest prospect of Robin and Julianne uncovering their buried sensuality together makes me happy in ways it’s not polite to talk about in public.

My Weekend Crush

Let us talk, for a moment, about the serene beauty that is Robin Wright Penn. She is, clearly, a gorgeous woman. Let me particularly emphasize the woman part. So many pretty young things today are all hard bodies and taut skin. But they are girls. Robin is no girl, and I mean that in the most complimentary way. The 40-year-old actress looks like a woman. She has grown into the exquisite architecture of her face. She radiates a calm wisdom that is more soothing than 1,000 cups of chamomile tea. Plus, the woman was Princess Buttercup for God’s sake. Happy weekend, all.