Pre-L: Liquid Heat

L509: “Liquid Heat”
Welcome to “earthquake weather,” and by earthquake I don’t mean tectonic plates rubbing against each other. Not that there isn’t rubbing. Glorious, glorious rubbing. This season has done quite the “fucked up pull me, push me thing” when it comes to the sexy. Almost none last week. And then this week, despite the none-too-subtle use of “Heat” in the title and oh-so-symbolic depiction of rolling blackouts, L509 was surprisingly serious. Lots of heart to hearts. Lots of earnest proclamations. And then, then the last 15 minutes happened. Hello, sexy. And not just hot, but sexy. Like people who are in love, or possibly getting there, sexy. But then, then in the last couple minutes we’re reminded that Mama Chaiken really is all about the fucked up push me, pull me thing. Call it her raison d’être. Call it “The L Word.”

1) Tim swims. Jim, apparently, bowls.2) Awww, I actually feel bad for sad Jenny.3) So does Shane.4) The Reamer gives good tank top.5) Look who is all cute in her civvies?6) Luckiest. Refrigerator. Ever.7) A dyke above the dyke drama? Call me.8) Destined to drunken karaoke to “Before He Cheats.”9) Me and my shadow.10) Sometimes I forget how nice they are as friends. No, really.11) Wait, I know this joke. So Bill Clinton walks into a bar…12) Double D knows how to roll, bitches.13) Kit ain’t feeling it.14) Finally, détente.15) Christ, I had forgotten he was even on this show.16) Look, Shane……something shiny!17) No amount of cinnamon can sprinkle away the guilt.18) He wears pink polos? Molly, girl, no.19) Look what poor Daniela Sea has been reduced to.20) Yet another reason to always take the stairs.21) Who wears short shorts?22) Footsie in an elevator.23) I hate it when I accidentally make out with my girlfriend’s creepy stalker/assistant/doppelganger, don’t you?24) At this point even Adele is confused by Adele.25) Last couple……to kiss……is a……rotten……egg.26) Never……bet……against……The Fonz.27) Living……it up……while we’re……going down.28) O……O……O……Oh, no.29) I see London, I see France...30) Dammit, don’t make Fonzie cry.
New Guestbian Count: 0
Best Line I: “Fuck no, Denbo.” -- Alice
Best Line II: “Weird, boobs.” -- Molly to Shane
Best Question: “Are these bitches crazy?” -- Kit about Dawn and her lover Cindi
Not-So Boss of the Year Award: “You’re a way better boss than my last one. Even if you’re being kind of transphobic.” -- Max to Alice
Been There, Bought the T-Shirt: “I have a straight girl crush that will not go away.” -- Shane to Jenny
Is This Heaven? No, Tibette: “For me, when I really search myself, it doesn’t feel like an affair. For me it feels like I’m coming home.” -- Bette to Tina
Last Time, I Promise: More completely shameless, utterly uncouth, totally tacky self promotion. Voting for The Lesbian Lifestyle’s Lesbian Blog of the Year Awards ends Monday. So last chance to stroke my ego.