SG*ALGG: Oscar Edition

Hey, lots of pretty ladies in lots of pretty dresses hugged each other last night! Oh, and they also handed out some awards. And some really pretty ladies in really pretty dresses won them! Really, the theme for the night was, “Go pretty ladies in pretty dresses!” Or, slightly less reductive, “Hooray for women in entertainment who have reached the pinnacle of their professional careers all the while breaking down barriers and making history.” In pretty dresses. And with that, it’s time for the very special Oscar edition of Straight Gals* Acting Like Gay Gals. (*With the exception of Jodie, of course. Also, jury’s still out on K-Stew. Edit: And, I know, they played mom and daughter. All of this is clearly make believe.)

Tina Fey & Elizabeth BanksElizabeth looks a little like she pulled down the left strap to Tina’s dress. I like how she thinks.

Oprah & Gabourey SidibeIf Oprah’s hand was one inch closer, Gayle would be sooo jealous.

Jennifer Lopez & Demi MooreMostly Demi is just a Straight Gal Acting Like a Drunk Gal. But that’s how many a SGALGG moment starts off. Remember college?

Meryl Streep & Amy AdamsMeryl just asking a very pregnant Amy, “It’s not mine, is it?”

Meryl Streep & Sandra BullockSandy thanked, “my lover, Meryl” and called her “SUCH a good kisser.” So kiss her, you fool.

Sandra Bullock & Helen MirrenLook, Meryl, if you don’t kiss Sandy soon Helen will. You snooze, you lose.

Anna Kendrick & Sigourney WeaverSigourney has just told Anna how they would earn their Mile High Club membership if they were both “Up in the Air.”

Miley Cyrus & Amanda SeyfriedAmanda is letting Miley down easy here. A gal’s got to have standards, you know.

Rosario Dawson & Angie HarmonHow much do you want to jump in between that soon-to-be sandwich?

Barbra Streisand & Kathryn BigelowBarbra to Kathryn: “Darling, you’re like buttah.”

Hilary Swank & Rashida JonesNothing SGALGG-y here, just thought the GGs reading might enjoy the fact that both these ladies mistakenly thought they were going to the Golden Globes. Ahem.

Kristen Stewart & Jodie FosterLover’s quarrel.

For a more comprehensive (rather than “oooh, pretty!”) look at the Oscars, check out my post at AfterEllen today.

Kate's glorious globes

Kate Winslet has had, by all accounts, a very good week. First she picks up two new Golden Globes. Then Oprah compliments her on her actual golden globes. When The Almighty O says she loves your real breasts, you know you have made it. In fact, the Oscar seems like almost an afterthought after Oprah blesses your boobs.

Well, I've got to hand it to O, she has good taste. Kate's real breast are lovely. Whether racing for sanctuary or just setting our hearts racing, they are a thing of beauty to behold. God bless Kate's real breasts, every one. [Click any to embiggen, for prayer purposes.]

p.s. Her bum ain't too bad either. And when I say “ain't too bad,” I mean thud. Just think how Oprah could wax eloquent on that.

Must see TV

Don’t forget, Oprah is on Ellen today. It’s a display of daytime television royalty so bright, you gotta wear shades. Here are a couple more clips. Oprah even gives her stamp of approval to one lucky presidential hopeful. No, it’s not Dennis Kucinich.

Oprah, Ellen. Ellen, Oprah.

First, she appeared with David Letterman in a Super Bowl spot. Now she is appearing on a rival talk show. Has Oprah Winfrey just rewritten the rules of the universe? Is this still Earth? Yes, it’s true. Oprah, the queen of all media and possibly the galaxy, will appear on The Ellen DeGeneres Show Thursday. I have to say, Oprah and Ellen both look fantastic in the above teaser clip. Oprah even gets down with her bad self doing a little walk-on boogie. I may have to sneak away to find a TV Thursday afternoon. The promo below is pretty cute, too. Though, perhaps Rosie was right all along when she called O “a little gay.” I mean, seriously, singing “I Will Survive” on a road trip? Gay. And doing jazz hands while singing “I Will Survive”? Totally gay.

Sister, can you spare a dime, or $1,500 million?

If by chance you are looking for a sugar mama to come whisk you away to live happily ever after in the manner which you always hoped to become accustomed, do I have a hot tip you for. Forbes released a list of the Top 20 Richest Woman in Entertainment yesterday. Sure, only one out lesbian makes the list (Ellen at No. 17 with $65 million). But don’t let that stop your gold digging. Plenty of ladies on the list could, under the right circumstances, be persuaded. I mean, Oprah’s already “a little gay.” We all know Madonna has played for pretty much every team on the planet. And Cameron is on the rebound now that Justin is no longer bringing the sexyback to her. I say, go for it.

1. Oprah Winfrey = $1,500 million
2. J.K. Rowling = $1,000 million
3. Martha Stewart = $638 million
4. Madonna = $325 million
5. Celine Dion = $250 million
6. Mariah Carey = $225 million
7. Janet Jackson = $150 million
8. Julia Roberts = $140 million
9. Jennifer Lopez = $110 million
10. Jennifer Aniston = $110 million
11. Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen = $100 million
12. Britney Spears = $100 million
13. Judith “Judge Judy” Sheindlin = $95 million
14. Sandra Bullock = $85 million
15. Cameron Diaz = $75 million
16. Gisele Bundchen = $70 million
17. Ellen DeGeneres = $65 million
18. Nicole Kidman = $60 million
19. Christina Aguilera = $60 million
20. Renee Zellweger = $45 million

Can I just say, Judge Judy, who knew?

Oprah is a little gay, pass it on

Rosie O’Donnell thinks Oprah has a touch of the gay. Today on “The View,” Rosie said that the relationship between the Queen of Talk and business partner/best galpal/hetero lifemate Gayle King pings her gaydar. She also refuted Oprah’s claims that just because they aren’t having sex, they aren’t gay.

“They are always together, but you know they are not lovers. But I think that is very typical of gay relationships …You know, two women get together and after year two all they do is spoon. You now what I’m saying. She’s like, ‘Well we’re not having sex. We’re not gay.’ Well, you might be a little bit gay, you’re just not doing it ... Everyone can be a tiny bit gay.”

So, essentially, Ro thinks O has a case of the lesbian bed death. I can see it now, "Tomorrow on Oprah, 10 ways to stop spooning and start screwing!"