Say Cheesus, what happened to your arms?

I love photography. I suck at it, but I love looking at other people’s work who don’t. I appreciate the skill that goes into a great shot. The composition, the lighting, the artistry. I can also appreciate that sometimes things can go awry – very, very awry. Like say, dear God, where the hell are her arms wrong. I mean, look what they did to poor Julianne Moore. Last time I checked she wasn’t appearing in a movie about a double amputee who walks around in hooker heels. Though, come to think of it, that movie has Oscar written all over it.

Liv TylerJesus, this missing arm thing is contagious.

Kate WinsletThey got Kate, too. No one is safe. Run! Run!

Natalie Portman
Don’t you just hate it when you get a piece of your delicious vegan, fair-trade, sustainably-farmed lunch caught way back in your molars?

Summer GlauSummer, on the other hand, looks like she is digging for a big, juicy piece of steak.

Marion Cotillard

This is the classic, I have to pee but have no idea where the restrooms are pose.

Rachel Weisz

Well, I guess that’s one way to solve the no restroom problem.

Marg HelgenbergerApproach with extreme caution, a feral animal is foaming at the mouth in the corner.

Keri RussellWhile she has all her limbs, nothing in her teeth and appears to have used the restroom before departure, this photo is still WRONG IN EVERY WAY.

Tell me, who are hot?

I know it’s not particularly cool to say, but I love “CSI.” The we are the original, accept no substitute, high stakes or go home “CSI.” The we don’t need a stinking city behind our initials because what happens here stays here “CSI.” The we aren’t about making bad puns while taking off our sunglasses or tinting everything in NYPD’s blue “CSI.” You know – Vegas, baby. It’s just solid TV. Is it groundbreaking? Not especially. But week after week it is well done, infrequently gimmicky and beautifully produced. Tell me some of the scenes, especially in the last few Grissom seasons, did not feel cinematic in scope.

What I have always particularly liked about crime show and procedurals is that the women in them are not superfluous. They work just as hard and are taken just as seriously as the men. And that’s important. They also aren’t constrained as tightly by the shackles of glamour. Are they glamorous and attractive? Duh, they’re actors. But they don’t need to show up in evening gowns or leather hot pants or six-inch heels. They can just show up and be competent. (Well, except when doing magazine photoshoots, but one victory at a time, people.) Which, in turn, leads me to the two founding females of CSI: Marg Helgenberger and Jorja Fox.

While there may not have been a lot of warmth between their characters when the show premiered 10 years ago, what has developed is an organic affection and genuine respect. Like something you might find at an actual workplace between colleagues who have known each other for a decade. And, in the naughty recesses of my brain, I like to think that it’s Sara and Catherine, not Sara and Grissom, that indulge in after-hours extracurriculars together. Now, I’m no GSR hater. I don’t necessarily want to watch them together in silk robes, but I’m happy their characters seem to have found a happily ever after – and even made it official. But, come on, look at the opportunity the producers are missing here. [Click any and all the enlarge.]

But now with Sara’s return for several episodes this season, they have can finally make amends. And the ladies are even teasing us about it via their new TV Guide cover story:

Would Catherine ever kiss Sara?
Jorja: We did today! At the TV Guide Magazine photo shoot.

Of course, the show already missed an equally golden opportunity when Det. Sofia Curtis (Louise Lombard, a.k.a. The Best-Strutting Butch With a Button-Down and a Badge Possibly Ever) mysteriously left the show. I mean, ohmygodhowfuckinghotaretheytogether?

And while I had hoped for some sort of Sara Sidle/Soup Chef chemistry this year, Lauren Lee Smith’s character Riley is gone before the season premieres tonight. Riley wasn’t my favorite anyway, not because of Lauren but because her character wasn’t given much to work with. So tonight, I’m going to celebrate the return of Sara, if only for a little while, to my favorite crime procedural. Plus, there has always been an unspoken agreement in the community that Jorja is one of ours.

So welcome back to my TV, homegirl. We’ve missed that gap-tooth grin. Now go get the bad guys.

Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, thank God, TV is back. Look, I like the summer cable shows as much as the next gal. But there comes a point when you want your main squeezes back. And this is that point. “Glee” is already back, Thursday sees the return of “Bones” and “Fringe” and the rest of the shows start back up soon. Gosh, I just feel like hugging all of my faithful female favorites with my legs in friendship. And if they’re wearing a tank top while it happens, well, even better.

Michaela ConlinBones premieres Sept. 17

Jennifer MorrisonHouse premieres Sept. 21

Cote de PabloNCIS premieres Sept. 22

Mariska HargitayLaw & Order: SVU premieres Sept. 23

Sandra OhGrey’s Anatomy premieres Sept. 24

Marg HelgenbergerCSI premiere Sept. 24

Summer GlauDollhouse premieres Sept. 25

Yvonne StrahovskiChuck premieres March 2010

Bonus: Dude, it’s really hard to find a picture of Anna Torv in a tank top. But here is one of her pantless; hope that makes up for it.

Tank Top Tuesday

So, I’ve noticed something about televised ladies of law enforcement. No, not their badges. No, not their airs of authority. No, not their really big guns. No, I’ve noticed they all wear tank tops to work. Like a lot. Like constantly. Not that I mind. Not at all. But, I’ve just never been pulled over by a cop while speeding who sauntered up to my car window in a ribbed white tank top asking for my license and registration. Because, if she did, I think I might try a little disorderly conduct, if you know what I mean.