Annie Hall this

While I think her new movie looks – how should I say this nicely – pretty bad, Diane Keaton looks – how should I say this nicely – smoking hot. Look at her working those jeans and that simple white shirt on the red carpet for “Because I Said So.” Damn. She outshines her shiny co-stars/faux daughters Mandy Moore and Piper Perabo with ease. And grace. And, sweet fancy Moses, have I mentioned that Diane Keaton looks hot?

Famke’s got a gun

Famke Janssen is coming to a television near you. The former Bond girl turned X-Woman turned transsexual seductress (whew, that’s a lot to put on a business card…) has signed on to star in a new NBC cop drama. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Famke will play the lead in the police procedural from the creators of “House.” Now, I love me some “House” (to recap: Hugh Laurie -- brilliant. Jennifer Morrison -- dreamy). And the thought of another hot female cop makes me happy in all the right places. Plus, with any luck, she’ll do a lot of making out on couches. Kelly Preston, presumably, not included.

The opposite of Ugly

So this is what Lucy Liu has been up to lately. Cause, you know, I’ve been worried about homegirl’s career. The former McBealer is back on the small screen for a two-episode stint on “Ugly Betty” starting Feb. 15. According to Zap2It, she will play Grace Chin, a former college classmate whom Daniel once stood up. Geez, that cast keeps getting prettier and prettier. They’re going to have to start calling it “Ridiculously Not Ugly Betty” soon.

Under the pink

Rachel McAdams has always struck me as one of those All-American Girls. You know the type: blond and cute as a button. She can also dial up the bitch factor as we saw in her turn as head Heather in “Mean Girls” [Note: If you didn’t get the “Heathers” reference because you’re too young, please spare me this knowledge. Now I must go rub Bengay on my aching knees, and possibly my brain…] But who knew that Rachel could be so pretty in pink? As far as I can tell, the pink streaks showed up in mid-December when she attended the Seeds of Tolerance awards with boyfriend (and newly-minted Oscar nominee) Ryan Gosling. I checked to see if the punk-rock look was for a part, but apparently not. She is currently shooting the 40s period piece “Marriage,” and somehow that doesn’t scream Manic Panic. What do you think? Pink is the New Blog, so why not Pink is the New Rachel?

Crimson and Carmen

And now for your Monday moment of totally unsubstantiated, totally uncorroborated, totally undeniably delicious celebrity gossip. According to today’s NY Daily News (scroll down to the second item), Joan Jett and Carmen Electra may be making beautiful music together. Sure, they already made a beautiful music video together last year for Joan’s rocking little ditty “A.C.D.C.” (unofficially subtitled: “Bisexuality Rocks”). Now the gossip mongers have been shopping around the idea that Joan and Carmen are more than friends. Back in November, a similar rumor (but this time with more kissing) popped up. Carmen’s response: “(That rumor) doesn’t bother me at all. She’s an awesome person and we’ve been friends, so it’s no big deal.” A big deal? No. A big demand for pictures? Yes.

A mother's love

Angelina Jolie’s mother, Marcheline Bertrand, passed away Saturday after a long battle with ovarian cancer. Clearly, no joke there -- just my sympathies. I lost my father, unexpectedly, two years ago. But then, slowly or quickly, I’m not sure if you’re ever prepared for the death of a parent. In lieu of flowers, the family asked that donations be made to the Women's Cancer Research Institute at Cedars-Sinai. May love and its ever-present beauty bring peace in this time of sorrow.

Pre-L: Layup

L404 - “Layup”

1) Alice decides to be the May to someone’s December.

2) Phyllis feels like a new woman. Then she rents the U-Haul.

3) Angus gets the blues. Kit cares. We don’t.

4) Bette meets Jodi. So much for first impressions.5) Jenny: the insanity continues. No animals were hurt in the making of this episode. Just our patience.6) Max…OK, I feel kind of sorry for Max.

7) Same goes for T&A Nadia.

8) Shane learns about playdates.

9) The WNBA this ain’t.

10) Hugo Boss, I salute you. New Guestbian Count: 3
[Marlee Matlin as Jodi; Kristanna Loken as Paige, Caroline Cave as Lindsay, a.k.a. the cute vet]

Low Point: It only took three and ¾ episodes for the season’s first oblique reference to Dana. Way to show you care.

My Weekend Crush

My heart always melts a little when I listen to Norah Jones. That voice, oh that voice. Sure, sometimes it’s so soothing you slip into a mellow coma. But Norah’s still the real deal. She sold 20 million records and won five Grammies before she hit 25. And while she could have stayed in the sweet, jazzy spot she had staked out with “Come Away With Me,” Norah chose a dustier road with her countrified follow up “Feels Like Home.” That duet with Dolly Parton? Adorable. Norah has her own country band, The Little Willies. And lest we peg her as only silky softness, check out her punk side in El Madmo. Yes, that’s Norah in fishnets. Hello. Tuesday, her third CD “Not Too Late” hits store shelves. I’ll be waiting. Happy weekend, all.

When you wish upon a star

So this morning I was minding my own business conducting very important internet searches on things like “claire danes dancer” and “christina ricci chains,” when I noticed something odd hanging out on the Yahoo frontpage. I thought, hey, is that Beyoncé? In a teacup? Yes, indeed, it was Beyoncé in a teacup – with Lyle Lovett and Oliver Platt. Then I started to think, did someone stir something funny into my coffee? But my visions weren’t the result of a hallucinatory spiking of my morning cuppa cuppa. Instead they were a result of Annie Leibovitz joining The Mouse to create ads for the happiest place on earth.

USA Today reports that the images are part of Disney’s Year of a Million Dreams campaign. These star-studded shots, which include Scarlett Johansson as Cinderella and David Beckham as Sleeping Beauty’s prince, are only the first in an ongoing series. Leibovitz – who had a 20-plus year relationship with writer Susan Sontag until her death in 2004 – has a remarkable eye and uncanny ability to bring out the best in her famous subjects. So, ad campaign or not, I’m looking forward to the next series which will include Peter Pan, Tinker Bell and The Little Mermaid Ariel.

America the beautiful

Hot damn. I believe I just dropped my fries. Check out America Ferrera working it in Estylo magazine. Me…words…coherent…not so much. I believe I’ve found my happy place and it’s in the nook of America’s left hip. Can I get a witness?

Google me this

For whatever reason I had a flood of visitors yesterday who found Surrenders by Googling “tammy lynn blog.” These sightseers were searching for Hollywood Farm Girl, the not-so-anonymous blog by Tammy Lynn Michaels (née Mrs. Melissa Etheridge), which I wrote about back in October. This piqued my own interest so I took another look. What I found was a pretty fascinating post on embattled stars Isaiah Washington and Rosie O’Donnell (who aren’t mentioned by name, but come on). Apparently, they’re both friends of Melissa and Tammy’s.

On Isaiah:
i forgive his words,
because truth be told
i do not believe
the word
faggot
lives in his heart

On Rosie:
she is far braver than i
perhaps she has less fear than i
but either way
i do not recognize the fictional character
the media has been developing

Tammy also ruminates, as she frequently does, on the nature of fame. So, thanks random readers for inadvertently tipping me off. That was worth a look. I’m still not sold on the inexplicable trend of famous lesbians blogging in verse, but since I’m feeling uncharacteristically nice today I’ll let that one slide.

Holding out for a Hero

TV Guide has reported that “Stick It” star Missy Peregrym will join the cast of NBC’s new hit drama “Heroes.” Let me confess that I don’t watch. I started, lost interest and am now too lazy to catch up. I do, however, appreciate the show’s smoking hot cast. With the addition of Missy - who brought more than a couple adult lesbians out to see the straight teen flick - it’s only getting hotter.

Why has Missy - who looks like the love child from a Hilary Swank-Linda Fiorentino tryst - caught many a gal gal’s eye? Well, look at her. Duh. Plus, whether she is gay or not, she sends off a decidedly dykey vibe. Not convinced? Consider the empirical evidence.

1. She wore this on the red carpet. This is something I would wear (minus the purse) when I’m being “fancy.” This does not speak to her feminine tendencies.
2. She appreciates a sensible shoe.
3. She seems really happy to be near this trophy.

4. She knows how to act around crazy straight women. In this case, that crazy straight woman is Avril Lavigne.
5. She knows how to act around non-crazy straight women. Note the placement of her right hand. Very nice.

Righteous Baby

One Righteous Babe had another little Righetous Babe. Bisexual singer-songwriter Ani DiFranco and her partner/producer Mike Napolitano welcomed a baby girl, Petah Lucia, into the world on Saturday. Uh, Petah? That’s pretty close to “pita” and “PeTA.” The former conjuring up adorable images of a wee baby wrapped in a warm little pocket, the later conjuring up not-so adorable images of said wee baby being devoured in said little pocket. Regardless, the Little Folksinger is kick-ass in all regards. So now, I’m sure she’ll be a kick-ass mom. Congratulations.

Simply the best

I can’t let yesterday’s Oscar nominations go without expressing my unrelenting joy at the Best Actress nominees*. Have you ever seen a more impressive, more lovely, more brilliant group of actresses in one category? I mean, come on, Penelope Cruz, Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep and Kate Winslet. Yowza. Also bringing a smile to my face, all the scene-stealing ladies (and one mere lass) in the Best Supporting Actress category. Now if only they could have somehow slipped in a nod for Emily Blunt’s snarktastic turn for “The Devil Wears Prada,” I would be in nirvana. Wait, wait. Did I mention that Salma Hayek announced the nominees yesterday? And that Melissa Etheridge got nominated for Best Original Song and Ellen Degeneres is hosting the ceremony? Is this lesbian heaven? No, it’s Hollywood.

*NOTE: I’d like to clarify that I am happy for the actresses nominated, who are all ridiculously talented, not necessarily the films they represent. I’m talking specifically about Judi and Cate’s nominations for “Notes on a Scandal.” As I said back in November when I first saw the trailer, it looked like another tired tale of a sad lesbian crush turned tragic. Which it is.

Dig this

Joey Tribbiani must be in heaven (and, quite possibly, it’s lesbian heaven, see above). Former “Friends” and current best friends Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston will kiss in an upcoming episode of Cox’s new series “Dirt.” TV Guide announced yesterday that the artists formerly known as Monica and Rachel will lock lips March 27 in the show finale. Cox plays cutthroat tabloid editor Lucy Spiller (get it, Spill-er, oh the metaphor) in the new FX drama. On the finale, Aniston will play a rival tabloid editor who happens to be gay and is, apparently, prone to kissing professional acquaintances. Those office romances - always tricky.

Show me what you workin’ with

Is this how straight women are greeting each other these days? Really, I had no idea. I mean, I’ve heard of the heterosexual-male sports butt pat, but never the heterosexual-female admiration butt pat. Not that I’m complaining. At all. Enjoy Jessica Biel enjoying Maria Menounos’s ass. Hey, it can’t all be highbrow.

Baby, it’s cold outside

That annual ritual of independent film and free skiing known as the Sundance Film Festival is underway. And besides discovering new talent and uncovering hidden gems, the 11-day film fest is the best place to see what all the fashionable snow bunnies are wearing this season. Already, I spot some trends.

1) Warm is in. So, pile on the sheep-skin linings, Boris Yeltsin hats and supersized cap-scarf combos.
2) Brunettes love a jaunty chapeau. And, apparently, black coats.2) Blondes hate a jaunty chapeau. But really ladies, is showing off your pretty golden locks worth the impending head cold?

Paging Diana Ross

Uh, is it 1982 and no one told me? Seriously. What the hell is going on here? Was the stylist a not-so-closeted Diana Ross fan? Put down the comb and step away from the Aqua Net. Unless, of course, Michelle Rodriguez is auditioning for a spot in “Dynasty: The New Millennium,” in which case - by all means - carry on.

Pre-L: Lassoed

L403 - “Lassoed”
I’ve decided to post my season 4 L Word pre-caps on Saturday, instead of Sunday. Gives you an extra day to study. Enjoy.

1) Jenny gets a bad case of vagina wig 2) Shane and Shay go back to school.

3) T&A Nadia gets frisky. Bette Purrs. But will she pounce? 4) Alice and Helena are the Oscar and Felix of lesbian roommates.

5) Max apparently shops at the Manly Man clothing store. Grease smudges not included. Nor are swim trunks.

6) Tina hosts a gay-straight mixer. It’s just as boring as it sounds.

7) Shane, Papi. Papi, Shane.

8) Angus tastes success. Tastes like chicken. Rubber chicken.

9) Phyllis cowgirls up. And dreams of lassoing a certain lil’ doggie.

New Guestbian Count: 0

Best Line: “Try not to make her feel like she is the oldest fucking lesbian on the planet.” - Bette

Low Point: Not-so-sly dig at L Word critics: “Lesbians love to eat their own. It’s true.” - Alice

My Weekend Crush

Let us talk, for a moment, about the serene beauty that is Robin Wright Penn. She is, clearly, a gorgeous woman. Let me particularly emphasize the woman part. So many pretty young things today are all hard bodies and taut skin. But they are girls. Robin is no girl, and I mean that in the most complimentary way. The 40-year-old actress looks like a woman. She has grown into the exquisite architecture of her face. She radiates a calm wisdom that is more soothing than 1,000 cups of chamomile tea. Plus, the woman was Princess Buttercup for God’s sake. Happy weekend, all.

Sister, can you spare a dime, or $1,500 million?

If by chance you are looking for a sugar mama to come whisk you away to live happily ever after in the manner which you always hoped to become accustomed, do I have a hot tip you for. Forbes released a list of the Top 20 Richest Woman in Entertainment yesterday. Sure, only one out lesbian makes the list (Ellen at No. 17 with $65 million). But don’t let that stop your gold digging. Plenty of ladies on the list could, under the right circumstances, be persuaded. I mean, Oprah’s already “a little gay.” We all know Madonna has played for pretty much every team on the planet. And Cameron is on the rebound now that Justin is no longer bringing the sexyback to her. I say, go for it.

1. Oprah Winfrey = $1,500 million
2. J.K. Rowling = $1,000 million
3. Martha Stewart = $638 million
4. Madonna = $325 million
5. Celine Dion = $250 million
6. Mariah Carey = $225 million
7. Janet Jackson = $150 million
8. Julia Roberts = $140 million
9. Jennifer Lopez = $110 million
10. Jennifer Aniston = $110 million
11. Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen = $100 million
12. Britney Spears = $100 million
13. Judith “Judge Judy” Sheindlin = $95 million
14. Sandra Bullock = $85 million
15. Cameron Diaz = $75 million
16. Gisele Bundchen = $70 million
17. Ellen DeGeneres = $65 million
18. Nicole Kidman = $60 million
19. Christina Aguilera = $60 million
20. Renee Zellweger = $45 million

Can I just say, Judge Judy, who knew?

On the road

What do a lesbian road trip, a severed head and a briefcase full of plaster penises have in common? I’ll give you a minute. Still thinking? Would it help if I said it was an Oscar-winning screenwriter? Didn’t think so. All these divergent components unite in the new project by Ethan Cohen (half of the acclaimed Coen Brothers team behind “Fargo” and “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”) titled “Drive-Away Dykes.” Yes, you read that right.

Let me also assure you about the veracity of the next sentence. The film is billed as a naughty lesbian road-trip action comedy that includes all of the above ingredients plus “plenty of boyless sex.“ The plot follows the wild road trip shenanigans of a “skirt-chasing party girl“ and her “buttoned-down friend.” But plot-schmot, did I mention the plenty of boyless sex part?

The L.A. Times reports that Allison Anders (“Gas Food Lodging,“ “Four Rooms”) is attached to direct. No word on the stars yet, but the names Holly Hunter and Selma Blair have been bandied about. Well, Selma already had the hair for it. I think the film’s tagline says it all: “Women on the road. All kinds of action.”

Anatomy of hate

Wow, I feel compelled to write about war of words between the “Grey’s Anatomy” stars. T.R. Knight was on Ellen today and opened up about the whole ugly affair. He confirmed reports that costar Isaiah Washington called him a “faggot” on set.

A short recap: In October, Washington and Patrick Dempsey got in a fight where Washington hurled the slur at Knight. This forced Knight, who was not out, to tell People magazine he was gay. Things settled down until Washington brought it back up at the Golden Globes telling reporters “I did not call T.R. a faggot. Never happened, never happened.” Costar Katherine Heigl then sprung to Knight’s defense, saying, “I’m going to be really honest right now: (Washington) needs to just not speak in public. Period. I’m sorry, that did not need to be said, I’m not OK with it.” She went on to say, “T.R. is my best friend. I will throw down for that kid. I will beat you up. I will use every ounce of energy I have to take you down if you hurt his feelings.”

Two thoughts: 1) How awesome is Katherine Heigl? And 2) How much does Isaiah Washington need to get fired?

My final thought: How amazing is it to watch two gay stars talk frankly about their sexuality and the prejudice they face on a popular, nationally-syndicated show? And not the kind of show where people get up and start throwing chairs at one another.

UPDATE: Whew, a lot has happened since Washington’s f-bomb at the Globes. First, on Wednesday GLAAD issued a statement condemning his actions. Then, on Thursday, both ABC and Washington released apologies for the incident. Is it enough? Will people just please stop calling each other hateful names? Please.

Great Dame

As if you needed more convincing, here is yet another reason to love Helen Mirren. Check out the kick-ass tattoo on her left hand. The ink is a remnant from her rebellious past in the London theater. But just cause she is a dame now, don’t think she has left her bad girl days behind. The Hollywood Reporter informs us that after winning her first Golden Globe of the evening, Helen got a little naughty talking about what it means to be an Essex girl:

“You know when an Essex girl has an orgasm, she drops her fries.” She stayed frisky when talking about her Oscar chances. “I’ve never had an ‘O.’ They said the earth moves. I can’t wait. I’ll definitely drop my fries for that.”

A dame with a tattoo and a blue streak? God save the queen.

The Midas Touch

My photographic commentary on the Golden Globes.

White is the New Gorgeous:
When Dresses Attack: When Hair Attacks: When Tina Fey Attacks: People Who Should Win Every Award on the Planet: Cutest. Winner. Ever.

Golden Girls

Hey folks, check back this afternoon for a complete post on the Golden Globes. I’m wiped out from the night’s festivities and at a loss for witty things to say. I know, how is that possible. For now, enjoy the lovely ladies of “Ugly Betty” sharing the love.

Witchy Woman

Abracadabra indeed. Everyone’s favorite lesbian witch is back and looking extra flamey. The folks at Whedonesque gave Buffy fans clamoring for the March release of season 8 (in comic form) a heads up to the possible third cover by illustrator Jo Chen. One word: Wow. Our little Willow Rosenberg has come a long way since her softer side of Sears days. Lord, look at her back. And, uh, her front. I’m melting. Melting.

Pre-L: Livin' La Vida Loca

In the spirit of the latest L Word season, I’m going to post a viewing guide each Sunday before the new episode airs. Consider them pre-caps. Just my random thoughts and observations with nothing too spoilery, but plenty of snarky. Enjoy.

L402 - “Livin’ La Vida Loca”

1) Bette, “the most glamorous dean” California University has seen in years, interviews for a new TA. Did you know T and A can stand for more than just “Teacher’s Assistant”? Hello T&A Nadia.2) Tina must…Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

3) Alice learns to properly pronounce “Papi.” How handy.
4) Max thinks that dating the boss’s daughter requires extensive knowledge of toy boats.

5) Jenny endlessly psychoanalyzes her own bullshit. Again.

6) Phyllis has a bolt from the blue. And by bolt I mean “Comes out,” and by blue I mean “out of nowhere.”7) Shane knows that you don’t have to be called “papi” to be a good daddy.

New Guestbian Count: 4
[Cybill Shepherd as Phyllis; Janina Gavankar as Papi; Heather Matarazzo as Stacey; Jessica Capshaw (Kate Capshaw’s daughter) as Nadia]

My Weekend Crush

You all know how I love a funny lady. Well, Amy Sedaris is as fearless as she is funny. Her Jerri Blank from “Strangers With Candy” is a cult classic. Her special blend of crazy has brightened up shows like “Sex and the City” and films like “Elf.” Her talk show appearances are must-see-TV. Trust me, if you see her name on the guest list, watch. Now, she is showing off her mad hostess skills in the new book “I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence.” It’s chock full of recipes, practical tips and etiquette advice. Advice like, “'Never try to out dress the hostess unless you are the guest of honor, or a transvestite.” Yeah, you should just buy it now. Hidden Bonus: Her brother is the brilliant, unspeakably hilarious writer David Sedaris. God, can you imagine Thanksgiving dinner in that family? Happy weekend, all.